Father's Day Ideas for someone who has lost their Dad?

[80anthea]

Creative thinkers of LFAD I'm wondering if you can come up with some suggestions.

My SO lost his Dad to suicide 15years ago now and the anniversary of his death is always around Father's Day so he finds the day very very difficult. This year he's really struggling and he's probably going to be working all day as it's a busy day workwise. I want to do something special for him to help him get through it but I'm struggling to think of what. I only have a week as I'm so disorganised when it comes to things like this and I'm not really sure anything too Father's Dayey is appropriate or helpful. I just want to be there for him as it's awful seeing in him in so much emotional pain

I thought maybe something from my daughter would be nice, as although he's obviously not her Dad I thought it might be sweet to let him know he's still an important part of her life too, perhaps turn the day into something positive instead? Or does that sound wrong?

[differentcountries]

I don't know about Father's Day, but when I dated my ex, who lost her brother very early, we would always go out to eat on the aniversery of his death. It seems a bit morbid, but it was actually quite nice to share that. My mum lost her sister to suicide a few years before I was born (I have her name), every year my mum would always light a candle, cry a little and then talk about her sister's good qualities. Perhaps Father's day could be like a rembemerance day of the good memories of him as a dad? And involving your daughter sounds very sweet, too. Perhaps sending him a song like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWY1vFMdma0

[80anthea]

That's a beautiful song DC, but it has me in tears listening to it. I think it would be too emotional to send it to him at this time but later in the year I think I'll share it with him.

[ThePiedPiper]

Have you asked him if he does anything special for it? I'd be extremely upset if someone planned something for me on a day I'd much rather forget. It'd be different if I celebrated the day, but I wouldn't personally cross into this territory without asking first.

[snow_girl]

Have you asked him if he does anything special for it? I'd be extremely upset if someone planned something for me on a day I'd much rather forget. It'd be different if I celebrated the day, but I wouldn't personally cross into this territory without asking first.

I concur

[80anthea]

Have you asked him if he does anything special for it? I'd be extremely upset if someone planned something for me on a day I'd much rather forget. It'd be different if I celebrated the day, but I wouldn't personally cross into this territory without asking first.

It's a very good point. I wasn't thinking of a big wooohoooo it's Fathers Day celebration, more of something to let him know I'm thinking of him and I appreciate how difficult it is. I thought maybe something from my daughter might distract him a little but on reflection maybe that's not a good idea. I just don't know, it's hard seeing someone really struggling and not being there in person so maybe selfishly this is more about how I feel than him. That's why I asked on here really, so I appreciate your honest thoughts.

As for talking to him, I meant to bring it up today but then we got into a big conversation about visas etc so it slipped my mind. I will try and speak to him properly though.

[whatruckus]

My SO's parents are both deceased, and I don't do anything for him on Mother's Day or Father's Day. I don't really mention it, or talk about it either. Especially Father's Day, it hits him hardest because he was extremely close to his father and his father died of Cancer, less than a month after being diagnosed. I feel bad that I can't be with him on Father's Day to help him through the day because I'm here with my dad. At the same time, I know my SO would rather be alone, or drinking a couple beers in his dad's honor.

What I really might do this year, is get this poem his dad wrote for him, and have it printed as a print and frame it. Just because that poem means everything to him since he found it a couple months ago. I meant to do it for his birthday, but I didn't have the money for it. Eventually, I'm going to get the original poem framed. That's something we've been talking about doing. But, I don't want to touch the original without his permission.

I would talk to your SO about it, and ask him if he would be offended, or emotional.

[kittyo9]

Both J and I lost our fathers when we were teenagers, and neither of us really likes to do anything for father's day. Sometimes he goes to visit his dad's grave, but I think he's more okay with that because he does it at least once a year. I don't visit my father's grave and I don't like to think about it or talk about it, because I prefer to grieve privately. Your SO might prefer if you try to treat it like a normal day rather than a special day, because putting emphasis on the difference makes it harder to deal with. If you think your SO might be extra sensitive, maybe it would be better just to try to arrange a fun evening so he focuses on the present.

[hmrambling]

Does he care for a pet? If so, that would make him a "father" to a pet. And I would consider getting him a card and say it's from his pet. Otherwise, I doubt I would do much for father's day other than offer support and encouragement. I lost my father when I was in my early 20s. No SO has ever done anything for Father's Day for me, and it might feel weird if they did. I would be open to the idea if my partner offered support and encouragement for that day, though.

[80anthea]

I ended up not doing anything in particular. Me and my daughter just sent him a sweet voice message on the morning of the day which he appreciated.

[CanadianGirl]

Aww, that's sweet. I hadn't seen this earlier, but I would've said to do something small to show that he's loved but not make him think too much about the whole dad part, so the message seems perfect to me. My SO did a good job of completely distracting me from Father's day, and I'm grateful because that's the only way I ever figured out how to manage it.