Hello from Wisco!

[Katie.Law16]

Hey! I'm 23 years old, newly graduated from college. My SO and I have been together for 14 months and are madly in love. Unfortunately, I have been offered my dream job, which happens to be about 320 miles away. He'd love to move with me but the college in that city doesn't happen to have his major. So, unless he changes his major (which I don't want him to do because he really enjoys it), we could be living apart for the next 3 years. Ouch. We talk about him living with me for the summers but that depends on if he could get a job, etc. I've cried over this situation several times but he supports me and my desire to go for my dream job. I leave for my new town in the beginning of March.

So that's my situation. Other than that, I'm a pretty typical 23 year old. I love reading, shopping, pinterest.com, and being with my friends and family. I'm sure I'll love the whole 'friends and family' thing a lot more once I don't see them every day.

So please say 'hello', drop some advice, or tell me I'm crazy. haha. Thanks.

[janeandalexprower]

You are not crazy.

My fiance and I got engaged last February. We are 22 and 24 (respectively). And then in May, he got a full ride to a law school about 280 miles away. And let me tell you, it's not the end of the world by any means.

Does it take commitment and time? Yes. Is it worth it? Oh yes.

How we do it: Alex drives every weekend up and down. It's about 500 + miles round trip. But I make him podcasts and soundtracks and keep him company on the phone ... I mean, we totally don't talk on the phone while he's driving. :P And yes, it's a strain on him, but it's nothing like the thousands of miles that some people have to deal with. I know that if something really abysmal happened up here, he'd be able to get here in a few hours. And same for him.

Here are some things to discuss with your partner before starting your LDR:

1. Come up with a game plan of who is going to see who and where and for how long and when. For example, I don't have a car, so obviously Alex was going to have to do ALL of the driving. We knew that, he accepted that. But I pay for the gas. We also came up with a schedule which we have on Google calendar. That way, we can look forward to our special times together. Get in a rhythm. Do you want to see him every weekend? How about every other weekend? What can you afford/commit to? Don't over-extend yourself or your partner ... or either of your wallets. Make sure before he/you leave(s) every time, you have a plan as to when you're going to see him next. That way, the parting won't be so sweet and sorrowful.

2. Don't doom yourselves. Don't cry over this. There is no reason to cry! When Alex got his full ride to law school, I was excited for him! As I'm sure your boyfriend is for you. I couldn't move with him because I have a pretty awesome job here in the town I live in. And Alex was excited that I was employed and doing something that I was good at. The biggest question me and Alex asked each other before committing to three years apart: "Are we going to do what is necessary to stay together? Is it worth it?" And both of our answers were yes. If that is clearly both of your answers (and this is a discussion you need to have with him openly), then when you get to an obstacle, don't go "Oh no!" Go "Okay, how are we going to get around this?" and keep plowing through. Work together as a team. Stay positive.

3. Keep yourself busy. I half-joke that it's a good thing Al and I don't live in the same town. We would never get anything done! Alex has to focus on his studies, and I have about 150+ kids that I take care of every single day, and we put in at least 12 hours of work each weekday. If Alex was here, my focus would be on him and spending time with him. I wouldn't be writing my books, I wouldn't be paying attention to my job, and I wouldn't be really doing much of anything but lounging on the couch and hanging with Alex. And same with him! The worst thing you can do is sit around by yourself and bemoan the fact that your SO can't make that family get-together next week, or maybe you don't have enough money to see him over Thanksgiving weekend. Get out there, take a class at the Y, make new friends! Or go on a date night with your bf without him being there. Go see a movie at the same time, order Chinese together. Me and Alex watch How I Met Your Mother religiously on Netflix. We also finished the entirety of the Avatar series and most of the Disney movies.

4. Talk to him every day. Text him in the morning, call him when you have a chance between classes, and definitely say goodnight to him. Keeping up on the mundane bull that may not seem important is going to be the stuff that brings you together. Got a bad grade? Tell him. Heard a funny joke? Tell him. Some guy hit on you in the commons and you smacked him? Tell him. Share funny anecdotes, text sweet things to him. Just because he isn't there doesn't mean that he's not there. It's these day to day experiences that create our environment and the reality of our lives, and if he is privy to what makes you you on a regular basis, he will be much closer to you and definitely more aware of where you're coming from with certain situations.

It really comes down to this: Before I was with Alex, I moved away from my prior bf and we attempted to make it work with a distance of 500 miles. It lasted about three weeks after I moved. And it was one of the most painful experiences I'd ever gone through. He would never call, he would never want me to call during the day ... only an allotted hour at night, from 9-10. He went to parties and wouldn't tell me what happened. He would hang with girls and tell me it was none of my business. And he would never answer my texts if I tried to contact him. Whenever we talked, it was a tug and a strain on him. Finally, he broke it off because he said I asked too much and he wanted to be able to not talk to me some days. While that may work for some people, it didn't work for me. We were obviously incompatible and not on the same page. That's why it hurt. And that's why it failed.

But Alex and I rock this. Yesterday, Alex hadn't heard from me for a few hours, and he called to make sure I wasn't dead. He texts me sweet things when I'm at work because he knows it'll help me get through the day. I send him youtube videos of kittens riding rhoombas.

Maybe that isn't the perfect relationship for you or for your bf, but my point is that me and my partner are on the same wavelength. We are meant to be together, and so it works. He is my best friend and my partner, I am not alone in this. And neither are you.

Don't cry, mon cherie. If you two were meant for each other, you will find a way to make it through. This is not a death knoll, nor is it a bad omen. This is an opportunity to grow stronger as a pair and as an individual. Kudos to you, and happy Wednesday.

[snow_girl]

If it is your dream job take it! LDRs are hard but you'd regret not taking it to stay close to him. Welcome!

[HollzHeartsChris]

Go for it! Welcome to LFAD.

[squirrelz15]

LDRs aren't easy, but our SO's are worth it. That's why we do it! Welcome to LFAD!

[littlethinktank]

Hi! Welcome to LFAD! You are by no means crazy! My So and I currently live on different continents because we both decided to pursue our career/educational goals! We are both very supportive of each others dreams, it isn't easy but we try to make it work! So you can see, you're not alone! I am looking forward to getting to know you!!

[chef.rae]

You are not crazy!!! Welcome to LFAD!