Hello from the UK
Hi...........new to this site and finding I need support. I'm from the UK and my SO is from the States, there is 5000 miles between us!
My story. I met my SO 22 years ago when his ship docked in Portsmouth, England. Fell madly and passionately in love, and managed to maintain a LDR for 10 months. I visited him in Italy and the States and was absolutely devastated when he sent me the most eloquent "Dear John" letter. I understood why he ended it, with both of us being so young. and never hated him for it despite the broken heart. A couple of years later I was working in the States and managed to track him down. We were supposed to meet up for Xmas but he did another disappearing trick on me. I got the message and moved on with my life.
So fast forward 22 years, during which time I got married, got divorced, no kids and lived my life but during that time I always wonderd where SO was, what he was doing and if he was happy. I would see certain things on the tv or in the news and would be reminded of him and the time we had. On my travels overseas I would always wonder what would happen if I bumped into him on the street or saw him in a crowded bar. I even tried looking for him online but to no avail. Wherever he had disappeared to I wished him nothing but the best and every past boyfriend/ex husband was told about him and that if he ever turned up he would be made welcome. I did eventually hear that he had got married and was settled down.
Then out of the blue a mutual friend that I had remained in touch with but who had also lost contact with SO contacted me and told me that a "blast from the past" had turned up on FB. I initiated contact and the emails started.
What initially started out as genuine happiness at finding him alive and well quickly got replaced by the realization that I had never stopped loving him but he was married and as far as I was concerned off limits but happy to catch up as friends. It soon transpired, which to some would appear the oldest story in the book, that his marriage was failing and when his wife found out that he was talking to me via emails, she ended the marriage. (Turns out she was given a load of letters from his Mother when they got married in which he had written about me all those years ago and how I was the love of his life etc etc). Anyway to cut a long story short, in May of last year he came over to the UK to see me. We got on brilliantly and it was hard to believe it had been 22 yrs ago, we just took up again from where we had left off. We wrote, spoke, Skype'd every day and finally he asked me to join him in the States, that even though he was going through a divorce he wanted me with him. We knew I could only come into the country for 90 days at a time but we planned for all the eventualities.
So September last year I gave up my home, my career, sold all my belongings and moved to be with him. To then find out within a week of being there that he realised he needed to be on his own to finish one thing before he started something new with me and that he had a lot of financial difficulties that had landed on him a couple of weeks before I had flown out to be with him. He still wanted to be with me but the fallout of his divorce had left him emotionally numb and that he couldn't give me the support he wanted to give me. That the best thing for us that was after the 3 months of me being in the States, he wanted me to return to the UK, get myself re-established while he sorted his stuff out and then we would go from there. I was really mad at him as I had asked him time and time again if he was sure that me being there was what he wanted or needed. He convinced me and my closest friends that yes he wanted me with him, not 5000 miles away!
The 3 months there were the happiest for me, despite everything we were going through I felt like I was home and with the man I had loved for 22 yrs. I disagree with the decision he has made but I understand his need for space and wanting to sort his problems out. I know he doesn't want his past to colour our future and and if I had remained in the States this would have happened. He also feels incredible guilt for the sacrifices I had made to be with him
He did come over to England for Xmas and thoroughly enjoyed his time here. So much so that he is thinking of moving here when his divorce and financial situation have been resolved. But in the meantime we are attempting a second go at a LDR. I miss him dreadfully and its not helped that I have returned to my home country with absolutely nothing and have to live back with my parents whilst I try to find a job. He tries to re-assure me that its only a brief pause whilst he gets things sorted but I feel lost and incredibly alone whilst he seems oblivious to the pain I'm feeling.
He has no time scale and I don't want to push him in fear of being needy or clingy especially when I know of all the problems he is currently having to deal with. Friends try to understand but unless you're in the situation yourself, you can't! I was an Army wife for 15 years and understand separation all too well but at least with op tours you had an end date to aim for. I just feel like my life is in limbo whilst he tries to make a decision as to what he really wants. I love him dearly, he is such a complicated person, but I don't know if I have the strength left in me to keep fighting for us when everything seems so one-sided. By the same token I don't want to desert him when he has lost so many friends all ready.....our situation just feels overwhelmingly stacked against us. I just don't know what to do or what to say anymore and I feel totally miserable without him. When I left the States I left my heart there with him but for all he seems to notice I might as well have left it on the moon!
Anyway, that's the condensed version of my story. Would love to hear of any advice or words of wisdom!
Dulce.:-)
My story. I met my SO 22 years ago when his ship docked in Portsmouth, England. Fell madly and passionately in love, and managed to maintain a LDR for 10 months. I visited him in Italy and the States and was absolutely devastated when he sent me the most eloquent "Dear John" letter. I understood why he ended it, with both of us being so young. and never hated him for it despite the broken heart. A couple of years later I was working in the States and managed to track him down. We were supposed to meet up for Xmas but he did another disappearing trick on me. I got the message and moved on with my life.
So fast forward 22 years, during which time I got married, got divorced, no kids and lived my life but during that time I always wonderd where SO was, what he was doing and if he was happy. I would see certain things on the tv or in the news and would be reminded of him and the time we had. On my travels overseas I would always wonder what would happen if I bumped into him on the street or saw him in a crowded bar. I even tried looking for him online but to no avail. Wherever he had disappeared to I wished him nothing but the best and every past boyfriend/ex husband was told about him and that if he ever turned up he would be made welcome. I did eventually hear that he had got married and was settled down.
Then out of the blue a mutual friend that I had remained in touch with but who had also lost contact with SO contacted me and told me that a "blast from the past" had turned up on FB. I initiated contact and the emails started.
What initially started out as genuine happiness at finding him alive and well quickly got replaced by the realization that I had never stopped loving him but he was married and as far as I was concerned off limits but happy to catch up as friends. It soon transpired, which to some would appear the oldest story in the book, that his marriage was failing and when his wife found out that he was talking to me via emails, she ended the marriage. (Turns out she was given a load of letters from his Mother when they got married in which he had written about me all those years ago and how I was the love of his life etc etc). Anyway to cut a long story short, in May of last year he came over to the UK to see me. We got on brilliantly and it was hard to believe it had been 22 yrs ago, we just took up again from where we had left off. We wrote, spoke, Skype'd every day and finally he asked me to join him in the States, that even though he was going through a divorce he wanted me with him. We knew I could only come into the country for 90 days at a time but we planned for all the eventualities.
So September last year I gave up my home, my career, sold all my belongings and moved to be with him. To then find out within a week of being there that he realised he needed to be on his own to finish one thing before he started something new with me and that he had a lot of financial difficulties that had landed on him a couple of weeks before I had flown out to be with him. He still wanted to be with me but the fallout of his divorce had left him emotionally numb and that he couldn't give me the support he wanted to give me. That the best thing for us that was after the 3 months of me being in the States, he wanted me to return to the UK, get myself re-established while he sorted his stuff out and then we would go from there. I was really mad at him as I had asked him time and time again if he was sure that me being there was what he wanted or needed. He convinced me and my closest friends that yes he wanted me with him, not 5000 miles away!
The 3 months there were the happiest for me, despite everything we were going through I felt like I was home and with the man I had loved for 22 yrs. I disagree with the decision he has made but I understand his need for space and wanting to sort his problems out. I know he doesn't want his past to colour our future and and if I had remained in the States this would have happened. He also feels incredible guilt for the sacrifices I had made to be with him
He did come over to England for Xmas and thoroughly enjoyed his time here. So much so that he is thinking of moving here when his divorce and financial situation have been resolved. But in the meantime we are attempting a second go at a LDR. I miss him dreadfully and its not helped that I have returned to my home country with absolutely nothing and have to live back with my parents whilst I try to find a job. He tries to re-assure me that its only a brief pause whilst he gets things sorted but I feel lost and incredibly alone whilst he seems oblivious to the pain I'm feeling.
He has no time scale and I don't want to push him in fear of being needy or clingy especially when I know of all the problems he is currently having to deal with. Friends try to understand but unless you're in the situation yourself, you can't! I was an Army wife for 15 years and understand separation all too well but at least with op tours you had an end date to aim for. I just feel like my life is in limbo whilst he tries to make a decision as to what he really wants. I love him dearly, he is such a complicated person, but I don't know if I have the strength left in me to keep fighting for us when everything seems so one-sided. By the same token I don't want to desert him when he has lost so many friends all ready.....our situation just feels overwhelmingly stacked against us. I just don't know what to do or what to say anymore and I feel totally miserable without him. When I left the States I left my heart there with him but for all he seems to notice I might as well have left it on the moon!
Anyway, that's the condensed version of my story. Would love to hear of any advice or words of wisdom!
Dulce.:-)
My close friend lives in the states, 5000 miles from me, and I live in the UK as well! Welcome to LFAD and I wish you and your SO the best this 2nd time round in an LDR 
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