Big Hello :) In serious need of advice about having a LDR

[MissMiles]

Hi everyone,
I'm new here and I'm SO glad a forum like this exists! I already think it's brilliant, and I only discovered it yesterday ;P.

Anyway, let me get on with my story/dilemma! (feel free to skim the next couple of boring paragraphs LOL)
At the end of February me and my family went to Barbados for a fortnight for my Sisters wedding (lovely setting to get married in by the way!). I met this guy out there, which was completely unexpected (he's a local, not a fellow tourist!). We totally hit it off, in a way that I never have with any other guy...or any other person, his personality seems exactly perfect for me, so far anyway! I don't usually go for black guys (I'm not racist at all, I've just never been physically attracted to a black person before, same way as I've never met a man with blonde hair who I've been attracted to, so please don't take offence!) so this thing between us is not shallow and based on physical appearances, it's a much deeper attraction. Although, I wouldn't classify it as a 'relationship' just yet as it's all very new of course!

We saw each other a lot throughout the daytimes and went on a couple of evening dates and I've grown increasingly fond of him. I've certainly never met anyone who I feel this way about before. Since arriving home, we've spoken briefly on the phone (at over £1 per minute the calls were kept to a minimum...must download Skype ASAP!) and chatted via Facebook. He's as into me as I am to him, in fact, he probably expresses his interest more than me.

The thing is... are these types of relationship just full of heartache and loneliness? I've missed him SO much since being home (I feel ridiculous and crazy to miss someone that I haven't known for long!) that I worry that it'll be even harder down the line. Does it get easier in time- do you get used to being apart and missing someone? I'd love to hear about your own experiences on deciding whether to go forward with a relationship despite being so far apart!!

Also, has anyone had any experiences with family and friends opinions on you having a long distance relationship? I'm expecting everyone to think it's a bit crazy!

At the moment, I feel that even if everyone told me how hard it's going to be being in a LDR- I won't be able to stop myself! I guess, in a way, I'm looking for a bit of reassurance along with hearing how difficult it can be- in order to prepare myself! The cost of flights, £500 minimum, definitely plays a huge role in my worries about having a LDR.

Thanks for any advice or personal stories nice to meet you all!

[dglynn77]

Welcome! We're glad to have you!!!

[lyonsgirl]

Welcome! It's good to have you here. To be brief: no, it doesn't get easier. Is it worth it? Oh yes. You have to make sacrifices-more than you do in a "normal" relationship, in my opinion, but it's worth it. (And yes. everyone who hasn't ever had a LDR will think you're crazy. but really they're the crazy ones!)

[carolynred]

Welcome to LFAD! We are super happy to have you!

As for some of your questions, in regards to always feeling lonely/sad/missing that person, it really depends on how each person takes it. I always miss my SO the most right after we say good bye after visiting. After a few days, its not as bad as before. Of course I ALWAYS miss him, but you'll find ways to cope with it or incorporate him into your daily life so he doesn't seem so far away. I found that with time, its easier for me to move from feeling upset about leaving to just being excited about seeing him again. :3 I often tell myself, "Every day without him is one more day until I'm with him again". Thinking that way helps me keep going. Now, I would say an LDR is not the easiest path, but there are just as many pro's to it as a close distance relationship. If he's worth it, so is a LDR.

As for family/friend opinions, I think its different for every family. My family supports my SO and I, but sometimes they do not take us seriously about how committed we are to each other. I'm sure some of my family and friends think strangely of me for being in a LDR, but no one has ever been mean about it. xD

[GrandSupreme]

Heya and welcome to the forums
For me LDR's are amazing, yet heartbreaking at the same time, and I also fully believe that they have every chance of surviving (although for me, having an end date in sight makes it all that bit easier
Ofcourse you will feel lonely, that is the downfall of LDR's, but as long as your communication is strong it will ease the feeling. As for saving money, maybe putting aside money after every pay cheque so it isnt such a huge hit to your account. Also if your going to Barbados, maybe think about going during times where flights are cheapest (Jan-April if I can remember correctly ) and also airlines such as ryanair also do regular deals too
I was lucky in regards to family and friends, and they all accepted my relationship with little or no questions, but if anybody is hesitant, just prove them wrong and show them just how in love you are!
Oh and a quick tip! international phone cards are a waaay cheaper alternative for phone calls to the caribbean

[usmcgirl]

Welcome!
I would suggest you check out the thread 'Missing Him...' for the answer to your question. It's full of responses to this very question & lots of advice! We're happy to hav eyou on LFAD!