Hi everyone, I'm new but this post will probably be my first and last. I'm kinda hoping that writing my story will be the first step in moving on, and who knows maybe it might help any other newbies in a LDR.
I met a boy on holiday a few months ago - yes the old 'holiday romance' cliche. True, meeting someone on holiday is not real life, and I was very sceptical of his feelings at first. I was reluctant to get involved, but being a single traveller on a 3 month trip had been tough and I was really enjoying having some company.
To be brief, we spent 3 full weeks together around Asia. By the last day I was totally smitten and devasted that we would be going our separate ways. He told me he had started to love me, that he hadn't felt the same way about anyone in years and that maybe I was finally his dream girl. There were possibly only 2 negatives - other than him living on the other side of the world from me!
The girl next door
On our first day, he mentioned a girl who lived next door. She had recently started sub-letting an apartment which faced right onto his. He was vague, but said that they got on well, were close, but that it would never work out because she had a young child from a previous relationship and that he didn't think he could ever love her. Although this made me inclined to think that potentially I might stand on someone's toes, I was enjoying myself far too much. He never mentioned her again and everything he said made me think that I was the sole object of his affection. Perhaps related to his relationship with her, and the only other negative, was that we never slept together during the 3 weeks, although we were very 'close'. He stated that he was old-fashioned and the whole respect thing etc...I'd never heard this from a guy before. I accepted what he said, but maybe he felt guilty sleeping with me, if him and this girl had been doing so before he went on the trip.
Distance
We parted in Singapore, with assurances that we would email that night and that we would work something out - that I could stay with him (in Oz) for a month, maybe in 8 weeks time. So began just over 5 weeks of FB messaging, texting and calls. It was hard, but I loved hearing from him. It had been almost 2 weeks before he called me for the first time because I was still travelling and mobile roaming charges are high. It was amazing to hear his voice. I had butterflies. But on that call, for only the 2nd time, he mentioned the girl next door again...He said that he was really upset, that they'd had a major argument because he had told her about his feelings for me. A jealous neighbour! Great! As the calls continued over the next few weeks, he still spoke about her giving him grief, that she had started to bring boys over to her apartment to make him jealous. That she was stirring trouble for him...
Facebook
I'm sure FB is a major part of a lot of LDRs. At first we private messaged a lot on FB. Then when I got home to the UK, we called and texted much more. After a few weeks he started uploading some pics of us on holiday. More and more he would tag me on posts etc with his other friends and I saw this as a sign that he wanted everyone to know about our relationship. We still didn't post too much on each other's walls, which I liked as I do believe in keeping our chat private also. The time difference of 9 hours didn't matter as I wasn't working, so he would call me anytime. One Tuesday he called and we chatted for 30 minutes. He mentioned that the girl next door had decided to move out, that the let had been temporary and that their fighting had pushed her to move out sooner - in 2 weeks. I was happy, and although we still didn't have a plan/date for me visiting, our levels of communication seemed ample enough to keep things going without a fixed plan...But the next day and the day after, I didn't hear from him. The first day we had gone without a text/call or FB message. On Friday, I got a short text, but by Saturday I was worried so I texted him to ask if all was OK. He said work had been busy (he works a staple 9-5 with no overtime), and that his phonebill was massive (he previously said that money was not an issue if it meant us being able to talk). Not reassured by any of this, I mentioned Skype and that I would buy a smartphone with front web cam for video chats (i am a job seeker so had been putting this off). No communication on Sunday and by Monday mid-day had me worried. I logged onto FB and noticed straight away that my number of tagged photos had gone down. They were ones of me and him on holiday. I checked his page and noted that he hadn't just untagged me, but that he had deleted all his photos of me. I checked his status updates, and low and behold, the same day he had re-friended the girl next door. Coincidence? Panic ensued, but I tried to be cool. I txted him if he wanted to chat. Before he would always txt back promptly and say he'd luv a chat...after 30 mins nothing. So I sent an FB message, asking where the photos had gone. Perhaps wrongly (but desperate to know the truth) I asked him if they were deleted because he 'had moved on'? Several hours later and still no reply! But a status update (that he had become friends with who I imagine was the girl next door's sister!) made me think that he had been back on FB since I messaged him. I was totally distraught, he had deleted our holiday photos - the best 3 weeks of my life erased. I knew then that it was over. I deleted him from FB and set forth on a bottle of wine. By 10pm, drunk and sick with hurt I texted him to call me. He did so an hour later, (from the car, maybe coz he had been in her apartment), but said he couldn't talk long, was very abrupt, said there was nothing going on, that I was being paranoid and that being unemployed meant I had too much time on my hands...I told him I had deleted him from FB in a rage, he said, don't worry babe, just re-add me...
That call (which was hazy in my drunken memory) was the last time I ever heard from him. He never ever re-accepted my friendship request on FB, my texts remained unanswered and I didn't have the strength to call him, knowing he wouldn't pickup...On FB I subsequently noticed that stuff I could previously see on his timeline (non-us photos, video posts etc) were no longer visible to me. He had gone back on and erased every single past mention of me on his wall. I now no longer exist to him. I sent a very heartfelt email to his hotmail account, asking if he could just get in touch, maybe we could try and be friends, that the 3 weeks had been so precious that I wanted to keep contact that platonic was fine...he never answered me. I was totally gutted. The pain made worse by my plea falling on deaf ears...how could he just ignore someone so obviously hurt?
Conclusion?
Well is Facebook a friend or foe in this situation...I have no doubt that his relationship with the girl next door (whatever that was/is/will be) killed all our chances and FB was my source to knowing this, but maybe I shouldn't have deleted him? Maybe I should never have become involved with someone who mentioned a girl back home? My holiday memories seem tainted now we're no longer even FB friends! The Distance was obviously too great with not enough of a platform to build from...that said I would have got on a plane in an milli-second to see him again - I was just waiting for the nod that never came.
Well, if you read my whole story thanks! I know your not supposed to post long scripts. I still sleep badly, barely eat, feel sick when I think about him, but I know it will eventually pass. Does anyone think that in a few months I should email him again/try FB again? I don't want to forget those 3 weeks and I don't want him to forget them or me either. Has anyone else salvaged a friendship from a LDR mess?
I met a boy on holiday a few months ago - yes the old 'holiday romance' cliche. True, meeting someone on holiday is not real life, and I was very sceptical of his feelings at first. I was reluctant to get involved, but being a single traveller on a 3 month trip had been tough and I was really enjoying having some company.
To be brief, we spent 3 full weeks together around Asia. By the last day I was totally smitten and devasted that we would be going our separate ways. He told me he had started to love me, that he hadn't felt the same way about anyone in years and that maybe I was finally his dream girl. There were possibly only 2 negatives - other than him living on the other side of the world from me!
The girl next door
On our first day, he mentioned a girl who lived next door. She had recently started sub-letting an apartment which faced right onto his. He was vague, but said that they got on well, were close, but that it would never work out because she had a young child from a previous relationship and that he didn't think he could ever love her. Although this made me inclined to think that potentially I might stand on someone's toes, I was enjoying myself far too much. He never mentioned her again and everything he said made me think that I was the sole object of his affection. Perhaps related to his relationship with her, and the only other negative, was that we never slept together during the 3 weeks, although we were very 'close'. He stated that he was old-fashioned and the whole respect thing etc...I'd never heard this from a guy before. I accepted what he said, but maybe he felt guilty sleeping with me, if him and this girl had been doing so before he went on the trip.
Distance
We parted in Singapore, with assurances that we would email that night and that we would work something out - that I could stay with him (in Oz) for a month, maybe in 8 weeks time. So began just over 5 weeks of FB messaging, texting and calls. It was hard, but I loved hearing from him. It had been almost 2 weeks before he called me for the first time because I was still travelling and mobile roaming charges are high. It was amazing to hear his voice. I had butterflies. But on that call, for only the 2nd time, he mentioned the girl next door again...He said that he was really upset, that they'd had a major argument because he had told her about his feelings for me. A jealous neighbour! Great! As the calls continued over the next few weeks, he still spoke about her giving him grief, that she had started to bring boys over to her apartment to make him jealous. That she was stirring trouble for him...
I'm sure FB is a major part of a lot of LDRs. At first we private messaged a lot on FB. Then when I got home to the UK, we called and texted much more. After a few weeks he started uploading some pics of us on holiday. More and more he would tag me on posts etc with his other friends and I saw this as a sign that he wanted everyone to know about our relationship. We still didn't post too much on each other's walls, which I liked as I do believe in keeping our chat private also. The time difference of 9 hours didn't matter as I wasn't working, so he would call me anytime. One Tuesday he called and we chatted for 30 minutes. He mentioned that the girl next door had decided to move out, that the let had been temporary and that their fighting had pushed her to move out sooner - in 2 weeks. I was happy, and although we still didn't have a plan/date for me visiting, our levels of communication seemed ample enough to keep things going without a fixed plan...But the next day and the day after, I didn't hear from him. The first day we had gone without a text/call or FB message. On Friday, I got a short text, but by Saturday I was worried so I texted him to ask if all was OK. He said work had been busy (he works a staple 9-5 with no overtime), and that his phonebill was massive (he previously said that money was not an issue if it meant us being able to talk). Not reassured by any of this, I mentioned Skype and that I would buy a smartphone with front web cam for video chats (i am a job seeker so had been putting this off). No communication on Sunday and by Monday mid-day had me worried. I logged onto FB and noticed straight away that my number of tagged photos had gone down. They were ones of me and him on holiday. I checked his page and noted that he hadn't just untagged me, but that he had deleted all his photos of me. I checked his status updates, and low and behold, the same day he had re-friended the girl next door. Coincidence? Panic ensued, but I tried to be cool. I txted him if he wanted to chat. Before he would always txt back promptly and say he'd luv a chat...after 30 mins nothing. So I sent an FB message, asking where the photos had gone. Perhaps wrongly (but desperate to know the truth) I asked him if they were deleted because he 'had moved on'? Several hours later and still no reply! But a status update (that he had become friends with who I imagine was the girl next door's sister!) made me think that he had been back on FB since I messaged him. I was totally distraught, he had deleted our holiday photos - the best 3 weeks of my life erased. I knew then that it was over. I deleted him from FB and set forth on a bottle of wine. By 10pm, drunk and sick with hurt I texted him to call me. He did so an hour later, (from the car, maybe coz he had been in her apartment), but said he couldn't talk long, was very abrupt, said there was nothing going on, that I was being paranoid and that being unemployed meant I had too much time on my hands...I told him I had deleted him from FB in a rage, he said, don't worry babe, just re-add me...
That call (which was hazy in my drunken memory) was the last time I ever heard from him. He never ever re-accepted my friendship request on FB, my texts remained unanswered and I didn't have the strength to call him, knowing he wouldn't pickup...On FB I subsequently noticed that stuff I could previously see on his timeline (non-us photos, video posts etc) were no longer visible to me. He had gone back on and erased every single past mention of me on his wall. I now no longer exist to him. I sent a very heartfelt email to his hotmail account, asking if he could just get in touch, maybe we could try and be friends, that the 3 weeks had been so precious that I wanted to keep contact that platonic was fine...he never answered me. I was totally gutted. The pain made worse by my plea falling on deaf ears...how could he just ignore someone so obviously hurt?
Conclusion?
Well is Facebook a friend or foe in this situation...I have no doubt that his relationship with the girl next door (whatever that was/is/will be) killed all our chances and FB was my source to knowing this, but maybe I shouldn't have deleted him? Maybe I should never have become involved with someone who mentioned a girl back home? My holiday memories seem tainted now we're no longer even FB friends! The Distance was obviously too great with not enough of a platform to build from...that said I would have got on a plane in an milli-second to see him again - I was just waiting for the nod that never came.
Well, if you read my whole story thanks! I know your not supposed to post long scripts. I still sleep badly, barely eat, feel sick when I think about him, but I know it will eventually pass. Does anyone think that in a few months I should email him again/try FB again? I don't want to forget those 3 weeks and I don't want him to forget them or me either. Has anyone else salvaged a friendship from a LDR mess?
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