Suilaid (greetings)

[EclecticWoman]

Hey all you people on the forums,

I'm Eclectic Woman, I've been in a LDR for one whole month (which you know, seems such a very short time, my last realtionship was two years, but Rome wasn't built in a day).

We met in person, on a conference, hit it off immediately, and only two days later did we discover the age difference (nine years!) However we have so much in common, and such good chemistry that we started talking online every night, and pretty soon it became pretty clear how we both were feeling. (he lives two hours away, and when you are a tertiary student with no money and no transport it might as well be 200 miles).

We have many passions in common, however we do disagree on one fundamental aspect. (religion, he's an agnostic, I'm a fundy xtian) which I refuse to compromise on (been honest about that, as with everything, from the start) so we have set a time limit on our realtionship. We have until December of next year to either make it or break it.

Here's hoping we make it.


We have multiple issues to contend with, to name a few:

1. My parents don't now about him as I would be dead to them if I had a realtionship outside of our faith. I'm only willing to risk being cut off if I know I will marry the man

2. Distance (duh)

3. Age difference (although the fact we both love the same things and we are both still tertiary students helps a lot!)



In saying this, he is amazing, the first person in my life who truly gets me, and he feels the same way. We compliment each other, I am outgoing, bubbly, (and a bit of a drama queen) and he is introverted, quietly confident and very stable.


Best case scenario, is that we both agree on faith, and then we marry. Worst case? We break up in 1.5 years mutually, and as friends.


But until those times, I would really appreciate the support this forum seems to offer, I want to make this work for as long as we have it. He is amazing and I love him.


As an intro to myself, I am studying to be a high-school teacher, am a kiwi, sing opera, read like a maniac, am passionate about politics, am addicted to chocolate and spend far too much time on the internet. One of these days I'd like to marry, have lots of kids, homeschool 'em and become an author. (my SO wants the same, with the addition of opening his own cafe and moving into politics a bit later)



Looking forward to talking with you all!


EclecticWoman

[5000miles]

Welcome! I sorta know how it is with the religion thing. It's not really a problem between us, but I'm Christian (not really of any particular faith, but I believe in God and Christ) and he very much does not believe in God. But like I said, it's not really a problem between us like it is for you guys. I hope that everything works out for you!

[ErinKristine]

Welcome : )

[archangel]

Welcome to LFAD!

[agentholli]

Welcome here! religion is really a part for me too...but not to the extent that you have. My family will still support me, at least to my face. They won't cut me off completely.
I hope you get some good advice here .

[MadMolly]

Yay another NZer Welcome!

[ForGodAndNation]

I deal with this sort of thing too. Me and my girlfriend are also several years apart. When I met her, I was a die hard agnostic and she was a super Christian. She probably went to church 5 times a week and her whole family is involved in church. Her uncle pastors, her cousins and aunts play in the band...etc etc etc. I did eventually give my life to Christ though. Maybe it was her praying for me or something. Her family is still willing to ex communicate her if she continues dating me due in large part of the man I use to be. It's not an easy thing. Sometimes you do have to fight in life for the things that you want and pray that your family eventually realizes that you are happy and being taken care of. As long as you don't lose yourself in that mix, they should be more accepting to see you haven't lost your faith despite who you date.

The only advice I have to give you is this: Take things slow. The first few months in a relationship are always good, but then more things come out and are revealed about each other and sometimes things go south. I'm not saying that'll happen to you, but stating facts. Also faith is an important stepping stone. There's a certain thing you get when you are both in a relationship with God, as opposed to just one person. I'm not saying he can't be a great guy without God, but it's different when you have someone you can share in your faith with. There's a closeness you can't get when you aren't connected spiritually. I say you should pray about it all in all and if this is the guy for you, it'll all work itself out in God's favor. Good luck with everything.

[Zephii]

Possibly the best introduction I've ever read - I feel like I know you already. You'd be great to hang out with or take on a friendly debate.

I hear you on the religion thing. I would never get involved with or marry a Christian (or person of any other abrahamic faith), not because I have anything against them, I don't, but because religion is such a big part of my life, and because I'd want my children bought up in my faith. I'm lucky in the way that my family don't give a rats arse what Obi believes in as long as he doesn't bag out their religions though, it must be hard to think they'd cut ties over something like that. But, the point of this ramble is, Obi too is agnostic, and that's not such a bad thing - I mean, they believe SOMETHING is upstairs, so that makes them open to experiences. I find that while Obi doesn't understand my religion, he tries hard to support me, and will join in with some worship activities and enjoy them. I doubt he'll ever be as moved as I am but - holy shit I'm late for work! - um, that's still ok... maybe you'd be ok with your guy believeing but not being as full on about it as you are?

[Erika]

Welcome to LFAD!! See you around!

[EclecticWoman]

Thank you all!!!

it's great to get such friendly responses

Re: For God and Nation

that is COMPLETELY awesome. One thing Mr S and I agreed upon when we entered into our realtionship (due to our metaphysical differences) is that although we would debate and talk over our worldviews, we would not change them to suit the other. I completely respect his free-will, and his intelligence. However I refuse to bring my children up in a agnostic/christian household, the worldviews are just TOO different. Hence the time limit. Also, because of our discussions he has started to form a keen interest in christianity, and is now reading through the arguments of the greats ( Prince, McDowell, C.S Lewis, Schaeffer etc). I also am reading the arguments of those who are of athiestic and agnostic persuasion. (I am not afraid of doing so...becuase I believe my faith to be factually based and rational, if it is not, then I would rather find out now than later!)

However you are correct, it IS hard being in a realtionship with someone who does NOT have a personal realtionship with Jesus, and it has caused me much private grief (which I do not reveal to him, I don't want to pressure Mr S at all!).

AS far as family goes, if Mr S became a believer he would be accepted with open arms :-P

re Zephii: I am ok NOW with it, but not if we ever got engaged. You sound like a cool person too :-D. What kind of faith do you have? (if you don't mind me asking) I am always intersted to learn about different faiths. And I suppose it depends on your definition of Agnostic. (he defines it as being unable to know if there is a god/goddess/eternal being)

[ForGodAndNation]

There's something that my pastor said to me that I believe to be true....God's word doesn't return void. It's alive and real. There's no need to push it. You did your part with sharing your faith with him and now it's God's turn to work in his life. Which I feel is working only because he is being open to Christianity. It's always good to explore other faiths so that you are in the know about them and to study other points of view. I think it's smart. There is one thing that agnostics and atheists can't argue in the grand scheme of things and that's the personal experiences you get when you are walking with God. I've had some experiences that I couldn't explain to people who didn't have faith and those experiences are what turned this die hard agnostic into a believer. I'm sorry if I'm turning this into a complete God post haha. I pray that you two do eventually share in that walk together in the end.

[Zephii]

I think the time limit thing is a good idea. It's interesting and ... civil
Agnostic generally refers to people who believe there is something sentient/God/Whatever but don't have a name for it or a religion. Athiests believe this is it.. there's nothing beyond this life, no God, nothing. I guess Mr. S is somewhere in the middle?
I'm Wiccan, but I'm not one of the many Christian-hating ones. My major project for social science last year was a comparative study of Wicca and Christianity in an attempt to prove that there is more common ground than reason to argue and that if people can just get over themselves we could all work together to make a difference.

As our societies have a Christian foundation and most people strive to be good people anyway, can I ask what views/values/morals he has that are so different to your own that you wouldn't want your children exposed to them?

[EclecticWoman]

RE: Zephii.

Ah, I wondered. What branch? (my best friend at school was Wiccan, before she decided that she was more of an eclectic witch / neo pagan that didn't want to follow ritual that had been created for her, among other things.)

It is not that I think Mr S is a wicked or depraved man! He is loving, compassionate, and has integrity. One day he will be a wonderful father. BUT.

Our worldviews are incompatable. I am convinced beyond reasonable doubt that this world is based on absolutes, which were set up by a Creator, moral as well as natural. He however sees morality as a product of society in order to make sure we pass on our genetics in the best way possible.

So for me, there are some things that are set in stone and that always have, and always will be, wrong. (eg, rape)

However for him, there is not "right" or "wrong" but rather profitable or unprofitable. Murder, Lying, Cheating, Raping, these things are not wrong in and of themselves , but are to be judged as to whether they are harmful, or positive in society.

Which sounds fine, I mean, on the surface, anyone would say that all of those things are unprofitable for society. However, are they really? Some would argue that if all those who did not have certain mental capacity should be killed in order to benefit the rest of society. The only argument he has against this is that we should follow basic human rights (the right to life etc) however I see in his worldview no BASIS for this. It is only that he WANTS to follow human rights. No one is saying that anyone SHOULD in his worldview. Or even that human rights really EXIST.


So I do not want our children bought up in a household where Mummy says one thing and Daddy says another, where Mummy says lying is wrong, and Daddy says that it is wrong only when it directly harms someone else. And when they ask why the answer is merely "because I think it is wrong to lie to someone else when it hurts them".

plus there is a spiritual dimension in our realtionship that is lacking. I have a realtionship with my Saviour. God will always come first in my life no matter what. Do you really think someone who doesn't really belive that God exists could happily live with someone who always puts this "figment of her imagination" before him? I don't .


Thus, as much as I love him (and I do!) and as much as I respect his intelligence, I cannot pursue a lifelong realtionship with him unless we agree on the most fundamental questions all mortals ask "Who are we? Where did we come from? Why are we here?" The answers to these, shape your life, your dreams, your thought, your speech, your understanding of EVERYTHING.


Hence, the time limit.

[Zephii]

*nods* That's all fair enough
Part of me is asking "But isn't it good for your children to get more than one perspective? Wont that help to teach them to think for themselves, make decisions and be independant?" but another part of me completely understands why someone wouldn't want that... everyone wants their children to make the right choice, and well, we all always think we're right :P

I totally get the lack of spiritual dimension thing. That one must be tough

I'm uninitiated, and currently solitary, so I don't really have a branch. I'm not eclectic though - religion is not a salad bar that you can pick and choose from. I've only found one local coven, and it's British traditional too, but the downside is the creepy old high priest does EVERYTHING in the nudie rudie. Rituals and the like I'm cool with, big groups of naked people are surprisingly safe - but he expects all one on one lessons to also be conducted with a lack of clothing and I'm like "How's about no?" So I'm still looking. I hear there's a great Wiccan church in this country, but it's several provinces over that way -----> so thats not really an option either.

[EclecticWoman]

Oh, I want them to get more than one perspective, but after I have taught them my own. My parent were always very open to learning about new systems of thought, religions, and world views. I would just rather my children be exposed to them after learning to see life through the world view i believe to be the most logically correct. :-P


ahahaha, skyclad one on one, yeah, maybe not :P I totally see your point.