Hi guys 
I joined this forum a while ago and, similarly to now, at that time I was not in a happy place 
so I think I'll be needing to spend some time on here for a while, so I might as well introduce myself~ it might be long though >//<;
My friends call me Aki and I am a sophomore in university; I'll be turning 19 in September. I met my boyfriend in high school; he just turned 20 this past weekend.
I'm not sure I'm willing to recount all the melodramatic details of our relationship, but we have been together since sometime during my junior year of high school. We broke up once, and it was particularly painful and seemingly permanent, but we got back together earlier this year. Before we broke up, I had not seen him in a few months because he did not have a particularly good relationship with my family, and they didn't really want me seeing him. But we've managed to move past that, and we're still working on it, and we've both decided that we're going to take this relationship seriously this time.
Fast forward to now. The last time I saw him was probably April or May of last year, so it's been over fourteen months since I've last seen him. During the course of our relationship we talked literally 24/7, and I mean there was not a day we didn't speak, always responded asap, called for hours on end, and all that good stuff. I can see now that this might not have been the best thing for my mental health - I have an anxiety disorder (that has been confirmed by a therapist) and also depression (though I don't know if it's anxiety-induced or not). So I've come to rely on his presence, even though he's never really "been" there. He's at school now, and he's recently become very busy, to the point where some days we don't even talk. Normally this might not bother me, but because I've become so used to hearing his voice every day or at least talking to him, I just feel all kinds of hurt recently. It's especially painful at night, and it's all I can do just to go to sleep, and even that is fitful and restless....
Recently our relationship has been a bit strained, and I feel like it's all my fault, because I get upset when he goes out and doesn't tell me or when he's busy and he can't talk, especially if I want to go to bed. I've been telling him about this and I've asked him to let me know what he's doing, and he's done a good job of that, he texts/calls when he can and he usually tells me the night before what he'll be doing the next day, so I don't worry too much... I thought I would be alright with this, but his absence is still killing me. It just feels so conspicuous now... before I didn't really mind that he wasn't physically here, because I could always talk to him, but now I can barely do that, and I just feel so alone...
I know a lot of it might be my anxiety, so I set up an appointment with a psychiatrist for when I get back to school, and I'm trying my best to just back off so I don't seem so overbearing, but it's the most painful thing every time I check my phone and there's still no message there...
Anyyywayyyy~!! There's some of my "sad sad" story. If anyone's interested in our history (which I doubt XP) I'll be glad to spill~ I just really needed somewhere to put all this, none of my friends are in LDRs, and he's the one I usually talk to about stuff that's bothering me, but of course I can't do that now
So I guess I'll be hanging around here for a while! It'll probably be good for me anyway...
I know that was kind of ranting, sorry if it made no sense >//<; but I'm looking forward to spending time here
I joined this forum a while ago and, similarly to now, at that time I was not in a happy place so I think I'll be needing to spend some time on here for a while, so I might as well introduce myself~ it might be long though >//<;My friends call me Aki and I am a sophomore in university; I'll be turning 19 in September. I met my boyfriend in high school; he just turned 20 this past weekend.
I'm not sure I'm willing to recount all the melodramatic details of our relationship, but we have been together since sometime during my junior year of high school. We broke up once, and it was particularly painful and seemingly permanent, but we got back together earlier this year. Before we broke up, I had not seen him in a few months because he did not have a particularly good relationship with my family, and they didn't really want me seeing him. But we've managed to move past that, and we're still working on it, and we've both decided that we're going to take this relationship seriously this time.
Fast forward to now. The last time I saw him was probably April or May of last year, so it's been over fourteen months since I've last seen him. During the course of our relationship we talked literally 24/7, and I mean there was not a day we didn't speak, always responded asap, called for hours on end, and all that good stuff. I can see now that this might not have been the best thing for my mental health - I have an anxiety disorder (that has been confirmed by a therapist) and also depression (though I don't know if it's anxiety-induced or not). So I've come to rely on his presence, even though he's never really "been" there. He's at school now, and he's recently become very busy, to the point where some days we don't even talk. Normally this might not bother me, but because I've become so used to hearing his voice every day or at least talking to him, I just feel all kinds of hurt recently. It's especially painful at night, and it's all I can do just to go to sleep, and even that is fitful and restless....
Recently our relationship has been a bit strained, and I feel like it's all my fault, because I get upset when he goes out and doesn't tell me or when he's busy and he can't talk, especially if I want to go to bed. I've been telling him about this and I've asked him to let me know what he's doing, and he's done a good job of that, he texts/calls when he can and he usually tells me the night before what he'll be doing the next day, so I don't worry too much... I thought I would be alright with this, but his absence is still killing me. It just feels so conspicuous now... before I didn't really mind that he wasn't physically here, because I could always talk to him, but now I can barely do that, and I just feel so alone...
I know a lot of it might be my anxiety, so I set up an appointment with a psychiatrist for when I get back to school, and I'm trying my best to just back off so I don't seem so overbearing, but it's the most painful thing every time I check my phone and there's still no message there...
Anyyywayyyy~!! There's some of my "sad sad" story. If anyone's interested in our history (which I doubt XP) I'll be glad to spill~ I just really needed somewhere to put all this, none of my friends are in LDRs, and he's the one I usually talk to about stuff that's bothering me, but of course I can't do that now
So I guess I'll be hanging around here for a while! It'll probably be good for me anyway...
I know that was kind of ranting, sorry if it made no sense >//<; but I'm looking forward to spending time here
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