Hi...new to LDR

[summerkid]

Hi everyone...

First of all, bless you all for this community and for sharing your stories...I've been going throught the site and forum, reading some of the stories and it's already helped me. Also, you all have my respect, especially those of you who have been doing this for a few years....this is tough!

So, new to LDR, in one by chance i guess.. met someone online.. we had fun talking, so we did a LOT of that.. didn't know what I was getting myself into really. I thought it was enjoyable and didn't really think much of it other than that, until ... well.. it sort of developed into more. We started talking in spring, it's the end of the year now and I have no idea how we got here, but we have strong feelings for eachother ...we talk pretty much everyday...and we both see the potential for a long future together.

That being said, we never actually met. I was pretty convinced we're both crazy for "volunteering" to do this... but then we started telling people about this and they have all had such positive reactions that it truly helped. And then I came this site and forum and it just made me feel so much better to know that it's doable.


Now.. I would really appreciate some of your thoughts on this .. ( I didn't know where to post this.. I looked through the threads, but didn't quite figure out what the best place for me to post this is.. so I'll just do it here ) :

We have the possibility to move in together this summer (for a few good months ). I just don't know how to do that best. We don't know if we work as a couple and moving in together all of a sudden is a lot. But this would also mean a real shot to form some solid ground, so I wouldn't just give up on it.

Secondly...I know some of you have met online too. I don't know how it was for you.. but I am honestly so scared of it not working out, of us not liking eachother in person.. of not having that chemistry.. of of of.. so many things. Which just comes on top of the fact that i miss him ( yes.. weird.. how can you miss a person you never met? no clue.. but i do.. ). So I want to be with him, but I am terrified of actually meeting him...and these conflicting feelings are just overwhelming sometimes. He is also a bit anxious, but a lot more certain than I am about everything else.

So, if you have some thoughts, advice, experience to share.. comments.. or just a hi.. it would all be much appreciated

[MattDavies86]

welcome to the site! I've not long joined myself but it's great here, tons of helpful people and very interesting advice all over the forums!

Moving in together right off the bat might be awkward, but thinking of it, it's pretty much what happened when I met my SO, stayed with her at hers for a month from the first day we met!! And it worked out great! We literally only met one day and then bam, a month living together lol, ok it was in Thailand, I didn't have work to do or nothing, but it was great, I'm sure you guys would have work or study to do?

Everyone is scared of something in their relationships, it's natural, but better to try and fail than to end up thinking all your life, damn, what would have happened if we had moved in and tried it?? Worse case scenario you both go your separate ways, still friends maybe, best case scenario? Soulmate, happily ever after?, it's worth a shot! especially since you've been talking for so many months and gotten to know each other!

But it's never easy, just remember that, but what in life that's worth it is ever easy?

[Inspirement]

I am new to LDR's too (recenly celebrated one month together and have known each other for about two, so I'm a lot newer to it than you are xD), but having been active here for the duration of our relationship and following the threads, I feel like I'm more experienced with LDR's than I actually am xD. Anyway, here's my thoughts:

First of all, welcome to LFAD! I hope that you will find this place just as much a comfort and help as me and my girlriend have.

About the moving, I think that moving in directly could be a little overwhelming. Since me and my SO live halfway across the world from each other, travel costs will be bery high, so we have said that we make our forst visit for a longer period of time (maybe a month or more) and get used to being together physicaly, and after that we will discuss further if we thing we should do more visits or simly aim to close the distance by the next visit.

About the anxiousness, I think that's pretty normal. After spending a lot of money travelling so far to meet someone you never met in person before, I think these feelings are only natural. He's probably more anxious than he's letting on. Personally, I think it would be strange NOT to be anxious in this situation.

[summerkid]

thank you to you both! I think I'll stick around, at least for a while
MattDavies86, that must have been intense, but I am glad it worked out ( for you and for the fact that it gives me hope it might work with us too lol ). You're right, it definitely is worth a shot, but I am kind of scared I'll keep postponing the meet. It's going to be during summer, possibly until fall.. so I'll have school some months but he'll be off.
Inspirement, good luck to you guys on your meet and until then. I know what you mean. We're not half way across the world, but on different continents. So I think if there's an ocean inbetween, rare visits but long stays is the best option if it's possible.
I guess it is normal, but there's just so many if's in balance.... and unlike in a close relationship where if you don't get along in person and don't get along physically you also don't get involved emotionally.. this way, you have a lot of emotional investment and you just hang in there and hope to god the i"n person" and physical parts won't be total flops, cause that would be a killer. So, I guess I don't know how to cope with that very well yet.

[cburns320]

welcome!!!!!

[MissButterfly]

Welcome to the forum! It's certainly doable, but I agree that if the first stay is multiple months there is always some risk. I don't say that it will go wrong, but just think it through. If you have never actually met someone and you're suddenly together 24/7, that might or might not cause some problems, depending on how you are. I never had a visit that was longer than 4 weeks, but now that I've closed the distance I've learned all kinds of new quirks and habits of my SO. Some have caused arguments, but these are not things you necessarily see during a visit. So having to deal with that all at the first time would be hard if I would have done that, but it entirely depends on the people!
Anyway, I don't mean to scare you at all! It works for many people and I wish you and your SO all the best, and I'm sure you love the forum and find lots of advice here

[dukes2011]

Welcome to the site!