Southwest Monk Intro
Hey Everyone,
It's nice to be part of a forum again. It's been a while. Never been part of this forum.
Well about myself, I'm a 37 y.o. single/never married Christian white male who works basically a full time job and owns a separate business with friends.
I've lived in New Mexico and Cali. Moved back home to New Mexico from Cali when I found out my Mom had ovarian cancer. She fought it as best she could but passed on to be with the Lord.
It was sometime after my Mom's passing that I realized I need to be serious about a long-term relationship. I'm the introverted type (but force myself to be more extroverted at times) who took pride in the fact that I didn't "need" anyone. I was the exact opposite of co-dependent. Too independent. And I have a particular type of girl that I like. So I'm picky. I'm a little above average in looks so being picky and independent is self-fulfilling. I was in a serious relationship several years ago, that ended and broke my heart. I wasn't too quick to want to go through that pain again. First loves are always the most painful usually.
I dated a girl recently who fit almost all of my short list except one and that drove me nuts. She ended up breaking up with me after a short time and although I was a bit hurt I was also relieved. Which is sad.
So this comes to why I'm on this site. I've met a girl that I seem to really like, but we are still getting to know each other. The "getting to know each other" is a slow process since she is getting a divorce. I've wrote a short forum entry in another section "divorce & LDR" where I got some good advice from others about how to pursue an LDR while the person is getting a divorce and even after. She is in the slow process of healing and trying to get her life back on track. On top of that she is on the really shy side and so am I but to a lesser degree. I'll probably ask the question on here later on dealing with "LDR" and shy people, but I"m not even close to just dealing with that issue.
I think and I'm praying that once she at least gets past the "divorce" she will be at somewhat of a place to think about other people and relationships. There is also a bit of a cultural divide. She is Asian-American. Although I am pretty knowledgeable about her culture and even language to a certain point, there is a bit of a cultural difference in other areas that I will have to be sensitive to and try to get past it.
Just as a brainstorm, these are some of the things I think we have going for us in the relationship:
-We both have the same faith, but do not seek to be confined to the "cultural" legalisms of that faith and want to explore life outside of those cultural constraints and have a true life and faith.
-We both like to read, have an interest in art (both producing and appreciating), have an interest in dance, traveling, and learning.
-She has an interest in breaking out of her "shell" and her shyness, and I have somewhat done that and I know what it is like to be stuck in that shell. I want to be a part of that shell opening, but I don't want to act condescending or a know it all or some motivational coach in it. There are still fragments of my shell I need to shake off and at times I like to slip back into my shell to chill. The shell is not the problem, but hiding in it constantly is. So we both have growth potential in that area.
-She doesn't have a kid. Divorces are tough with a kid and dating is tough when one person has a kid. I don't have kids and neither does she. This makes dating a bit easier.
-We both seem to be pretty independent. Thus, we can deal with times of being alone. However, I don't want us to be dependent on that independence. To use it as a guard against each other. But it could help with the LDR.
Some neutral to negative areas that could be a concern:
-We both like dogs, but her dog at the moment scares me. Seriously. It's this vicious sounding big poodle. I hate poodles and I'm not fan of mean dogs. This is both. This will be something we will address way in the future if there is one with us. God willing.
-Closing the distance. She only lives 7 or 8 hours away from me. I like this. However, she seems to want to move away from the Southwest. It sounds like Cali is her first option. So there is a concern there that she may move farther away or at least she may not want to close the distance where I live. I own a business and its a bit difficult for me to move away.
-She wants to go back to school. This is a good thing. I'm hoping she does school close by in the Southwest or even here where I live. I want to encourage and help her in this goal.
-Her family acceptance of me. I don't know how important that would be for her. Considering the different cultures. Her divorce is from a guy of her own culture, so the cultural argument is not as strong. Nevertheless, this could be an issue. However, since I don't really have parents now and I'm not bound by my siblings opinion, she shouldn't have an issue with my family. Plus, my family doesn't care what race or culture I date.
I'm just thinking out loud here. Don't mind me. Sorry for the long intro. I tend to over-analyze things. Clearly I am here, but it does help me deal with some of the anxiousness, anxiety and loneliness.
-A Monk Who Desires to Be in Love
That's an interesting story, but I really think you're over-analyzing things indeed. Especially since you're still getting to know her. I really hope this works out for you, but try to not voice too many concerns to her all at once since that might scare her away. Either way, good luck and I hope this works out for you! At least there is lots of helpful advice here 
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