I have been lurking a little bit here but decided to go ahead and take the plunge and introduce myself. I am Trisha, 49 (yikes!), divorced mom of four doggies, living and working in Nashville, TN, working in IT. I have been divorced four years and have been through periods of casually dating, monogamous dating, and even living with someone (against my better judgement, but that's another story). I was in the mindset of casually dating when I met Richie through work. He is 46, amicably divorcing after an almost four year separation, great dad of three (16, almost 15 and 9) and he lives and works in NJ, also in IT. We met through work. I went to work for his company as a contractor in November 2012 and we met through the group chat that was set up to discuss the work for the evening (we work nights). After a couple weeks when I finally got confident enough to start posting in the chat he started a side chat with me to joke about how quiet I had been and if I ever needed help with something on the job to let him know, etc. We began chatting every night at work; at first I thought I would help him navigate the new world of being single as he had not dated since the about 1990 and dating at our age in this new world was daunting to him. We became fast friends and by the end of the year we were sharing confidences equally. Right around New Years, my last serious ex-boyfriend, who was very jealous, broke into my Facebook account and posted some very damaging lies meant to "scare away" anyone who might want to date me, and Richie was one of the first to call me to make sure I had seen it so I could remove it and to make sure I was OK. He had begun dating someone, his first relationship since his separation, and he would ask my advice and I would help him as I could, still not thinking that we would be anything more than friends, but then we started chatting over video (BTW ooVoo is a better video client than Skype was for us anyway) after work most nights for an hour or two each time, getting closer. I was lamenting how I had tickets to the symphony but could never find anyone to go with me and he said if he had enough notice he would fly to Nashville and accompany me! I told him I had tickets for the early February and he booked a flight! We met in person on February 8 of this year; he went with me to the symphony the next day and we spent the weekend together. At the airport we both said how we could see ourselves falling for each other, but we would play it by ear because of the distance.
The nightly work chats and home video chats continued. He and the lady he was dating mutually broke up after a fight, but I don't think he was that torn up about it.
(She has since gotten a new boyfriend.) Richie was also about to finagle his schedule so that he was able to spend two WEEKS with me, one week taking an online course for work and the second week working at my location (since it didn't cost the company anything, they didn't mind). That second week was a challenge to pretend we didn't know each other while at work but it was fun, too. See, I was just a contractor who wanted to be hired full time and he did not want to do anything that might jeopardize that so we did not tell anyone about our relationship until later on. Then at the end of his trip down here, I went back with him to NJ for the weekend to spend Easter with his family (Mom, siblings, etc. but not his kids yet). Everything went well.
We next made plans for us to get together the first weekend in May, as there was an off Broadway play I really wanted to see and he said he would take me. The only thing was he had a social obligation he had to go to with the kids and he invited me to go along. The kids knew about me by then and he made sure it was OK with them if I came along. Again, it was a great weekend that went by too fast. He said later that the kids liked me.
I was noticing though that a lot of the overly romantic stuff had stopped over the previous couple of weeks, continuing into May, when on Memorial Day weekend, he said he needed time because he was confused about a lot of things: us, the divorce, being unsatisfied in his job, etc., and he needed time to process it all. Although I was devastated at first, it all made perfect sense to me. Although he had been separated over three years, he only moved out of the house in January (he lived in the basement of the house due to financial issues that happened when they first separated) and the divorce was finally getting on track so being on his own was still very new to him. He's very traditional-minded so things like losing the home he built for the kids, not being there every day to see them, realizing this was really happening, caught him off guard. It was all things I had warned him would happen so it didn't come as a surprise. Plus everyone was telling him he needed to date around, not be serious about one person so soon, and I can understand that too, but he said he cannot date more than one person and is not interested in anyone else but the long distance thing is killing him. Even though we at the very least chat everyday he misses being able to come home to someone, to have someone to share his joys and pains and hug him when he needs it. I told him he needs to go through these things and I'd be patient. By this time I did get hired permanently by the company but in a different department, which is even better because there are no rules about dating across departments, it'd be easier to get the same time off for visits, etc. We would still chat everyday at work, even if only for a few minutes. But that didn't last too long, maybe a couple of weeks. I had to go out of town for a few days on a trip that had been planned months before and he called or texted me every day I was gone. Mind you, the "romantic" stuff like kissy-faces in the chats/texts had stopped, but we were discussing what he was going through, our relationship, etc., and I was being supportive and helpful. He acknowledged that I was right about all he was going through.
It's now almost August and we haven't seen each other since May. His kids had swim team meets every weekend and he wanted to go to them because he couldn't go to the meets during the week because of his work hours, so that basically took away every weekend for visiting; he has the kids every other weekend anyway so that only left us with a few to choose from to begin with. He had though started talking more about our getting together, and we planned to get together a couple weeks ago but he had to cancel because of the swim meets and something else. Then we planned to see each other over Labor Day weekend, as we could each get a four day weekend, if he could swap kid weekends with his ex. Unfortunately she had already made plans with her boyfriend of two years to go out of town, so again we had to cancel. He's now back at the place he was on Memorial Day, although now that some of the major hurdles of the divorce are now past he feels a lot better about that and cannot wait to file. He's worried about hurting me, he realizes he needs to make his private life more of a priority (and not let everyone else dictate his schedule), he misses me terribly. At the same time, he is telling everyone about me, people at work (also, both our managers know we are dating), all his friends, even his ex! (They had a very good talk a few weeks ago where they wished each other well, want each other to be happy, etc. That talk did a lot to make him feel better about everything.) So I believe he is sincere, if scared and confused, but he's a good, good man and I am willing to wait for him to go through the things he needs to go through for him to get to the point where he is ready to take up where we left off before his insecurities started taking over.
I guess that's why I hadn't written on here yet. I wasn't sure where things were going and didn't want to waste anyone's time. But I have this strong feeling that we are meant to get through this and be together. I know that means me transferring and moving up there eventually (he will not move here because of the kids) but for some reason I am OK with that, even a little bit excited about the prospect. I am being extremely patient yet I have told him things I think he needs to know when I feel they will help him, regardless of our future. We started out as friends and when I have given him insight on things that I was seeing, I did so for his own sake, even if it might lead to a breakup. I've even told him that if he feels so strongly about having someone physically there that maybe he should go and date someone up there but he says he is not interested in anyone else and cannot date more than one person at a time. I guess I learned that I love him enough to let him go if that is what's best for him. Thankfully he hasn't chosen that avenue yet and truly, I hope he doesn't. While I know I would be OK if he were out of my life, I really, really believe we are supposed to make it.
Thanks for reading. Sorry it was so long.
The nightly work chats and home video chats continued. He and the lady he was dating mutually broke up after a fight, but I don't think he was that torn up about it.
(She has since gotten a new boyfriend.) Richie was also about to finagle his schedule so that he was able to spend two WEEKS with me, one week taking an online course for work and the second week working at my location (since it didn't cost the company anything, they didn't mind). That second week was a challenge to pretend we didn't know each other while at work but it was fun, too. See, I was just a contractor who wanted to be hired full time and he did not want to do anything that might jeopardize that so we did not tell anyone about our relationship until later on. Then at the end of his trip down here, I went back with him to NJ for the weekend to spend Easter with his family (Mom, siblings, etc. but not his kids yet). Everything went well.We next made plans for us to get together the first weekend in May, as there was an off Broadway play I really wanted to see and he said he would take me. The only thing was he had a social obligation he had to go to with the kids and he invited me to go along. The kids knew about me by then and he made sure it was OK with them if I came along. Again, it was a great weekend that went by too fast. He said later that the kids liked me.
I was noticing though that a lot of the overly romantic stuff had stopped over the previous couple of weeks, continuing into May, when on Memorial Day weekend, he said he needed time because he was confused about a lot of things: us, the divorce, being unsatisfied in his job, etc., and he needed time to process it all. Although I was devastated at first, it all made perfect sense to me. Although he had been separated over three years, he only moved out of the house in January (he lived in the basement of the house due to financial issues that happened when they first separated) and the divorce was finally getting on track so being on his own was still very new to him. He's very traditional-minded so things like losing the home he built for the kids, not being there every day to see them, realizing this was really happening, caught him off guard. It was all things I had warned him would happen so it didn't come as a surprise. Plus everyone was telling him he needed to date around, not be serious about one person so soon, and I can understand that too, but he said he cannot date more than one person and is not interested in anyone else but the long distance thing is killing him. Even though we at the very least chat everyday he misses being able to come home to someone, to have someone to share his joys and pains and hug him when he needs it. I told him he needs to go through these things and I'd be patient. By this time I did get hired permanently by the company but in a different department, which is even better because there are no rules about dating across departments, it'd be easier to get the same time off for visits, etc. We would still chat everyday at work, even if only for a few minutes. But that didn't last too long, maybe a couple of weeks. I had to go out of town for a few days on a trip that had been planned months before and he called or texted me every day I was gone. Mind you, the "romantic" stuff like kissy-faces in the chats/texts had stopped, but we were discussing what he was going through, our relationship, etc., and I was being supportive and helpful. He acknowledged that I was right about all he was going through.
It's now almost August and we haven't seen each other since May. His kids had swim team meets every weekend and he wanted to go to them because he couldn't go to the meets during the week because of his work hours, so that basically took away every weekend for visiting; he has the kids every other weekend anyway so that only left us with a few to choose from to begin with. He had though started talking more about our getting together, and we planned to get together a couple weeks ago but he had to cancel because of the swim meets and something else. Then we planned to see each other over Labor Day weekend, as we could each get a four day weekend, if he could swap kid weekends with his ex. Unfortunately she had already made plans with her boyfriend of two years to go out of town, so again we had to cancel. He's now back at the place he was on Memorial Day, although now that some of the major hurdles of the divorce are now past he feels a lot better about that and cannot wait to file. He's worried about hurting me, he realizes he needs to make his private life more of a priority (and not let everyone else dictate his schedule), he misses me terribly. At the same time, he is telling everyone about me, people at work (also, both our managers know we are dating), all his friends, even his ex! (They had a very good talk a few weeks ago where they wished each other well, want each other to be happy, etc. That talk did a lot to make him feel better about everything.) So I believe he is sincere, if scared and confused, but he's a good, good man and I am willing to wait for him to go through the things he needs to go through for him to get to the point where he is ready to take up where we left off before his insecurities started taking over.
I guess that's why I hadn't written on here yet. I wasn't sure where things were going and didn't want to waste anyone's time. But I have this strong feeling that we are meant to get through this and be together. I know that means me transferring and moving up there eventually (he will not move here because of the kids) but for some reason I am OK with that, even a little bit excited about the prospect. I am being extremely patient yet I have told him things I think he needs to know when I feel they will help him, regardless of our future. We started out as friends and when I have given him insight on things that I was seeing, I did so for his own sake, even if it might lead to a breakup. I've even told him that if he feels so strongly about having someone physically there that maybe he should go and date someone up there but he says he is not interested in anyone else and cannot date more than one person at a time. I guess I learned that I love him enough to let him go if that is what's best for him. Thankfully he hasn't chosen that avenue yet and truly, I hope he doesn't. While I know I would be OK if he were out of my life, I really, really believe we are supposed to make it.
Thanks for reading. Sorry it was so long.
That's quite the story. 
I've never heard of ooVoo. Might have to give it a try. Thanks for mentioning it! 
Hopefully you two make it. I'm rooting for you!!! 
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