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    Finally decided to post

    I've been afraid to post anything, because my SO's family doesn't yet know about our relationship. He has grown children that aren't ready for their dad to date. Long story, and I don't want to give any details that might give away what's up.

    Even though I've not been posting, I've been encouraged and inspired by many of your posts. I never knew so many people were involved in ldr's.

    How in the world do you get through the holidays without your SO? I'm very depressed this year. He gets to be with his grown children and other family, but I can't be with him. I know I'm selfish, but I hurt and feel sorry for myself. When he is with his family, it's like I'm not even on the planet. He says he will try to stay connected with me during those days, but he doesn't. No Skype, no phone calls, and only a very, brief email very infrequently. We usually Skype everyday and email everyday, so these days, I feel like a dirty magazine that's been shoved under the mattress. It makes me feel unloved.

    Thanksgiving was tough enough like that, but it will be worse in December. During December he is taking an extended Christmas trip with his family. He will be completely off the grid for one week and mostly unavailable for half the month. When do I get to be important and a priority? I share some of my concerns with him, but I don't want to chase him.

    Are there others out there with SO's with adult children? How do you deal? They smother, they demand, they control, they will never get it.

    I think Christmas is the worst and the most depressing. It doesn't matter what I do, or how many friends and family I am around, I still hurt away from my most significant.

    Thank you for reading this post. Any ideas would be most appreciated.

    #2
    Welcome to the forum!

    I've been with my guy for almost 2 years and we are finally getting married in April.

    We are in our 60's and both of us have grown children.

    Our children are so happy for us, that we have found love again during this late stage of life.
    His keep in touch with me, mine are happy for us but don't contact him. And that's fine, they lead busy lives.

    Yes, holidays are depressing when being in an LDR. B's kids will be with him this Xmas and we won't be in daily contact while they're there.
    But, they haven't been there for the holidays, in 2 years so he deserves the time he spends with them. I'll be fine.

    How long have you been with him? Why doesn't his family know about you? It took B a year to tell his family but he wanted to be sure about us and not get anyone's hopes up unnecessarily. So, I understood that.

    Hang in there, best you can, and keep busy as much as you can. It does help.

    (By the way, if they don't know about this site, they won't see your posts. Feel free to express yourself.)
    February 2012 -- met online
    August 2012 -- he said "I love you."
    April 2013 -- met in person
    June 2013 -- broke up
    July 2013 -- back together
    August 2013 -- 2nd visit
    October 20, 2013 -- He proposed!
    April 22, 2014 -- Married/closed the distance!

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      #3
      Benni,

      His children and parents know about me, but not about our love. He and I started out as friends while his first wife was sick. We are much more now, but his children aren't ready for him to be dating. He's trying to work it out gradually. I think they know it might be a love relationship, or heading there, because they are already worrying about their inheritance and how to protect it.

      I'm happy that you have found love. I'm hope everything works well for you. I'm amazed that you have such a positive attitude about Christmas away from him. I don't mind my SO being with his family, but I sure miss him and hate that I seem to be forgotten during that time.

      Thanks for your reply.

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        #4
        Sounds like his wife's passing was recent ?? so, no, the kids wouldn't be ready yet. A year is kind of the par for a mourning period -- then they need to get over it.

        My guy drew up a prenup, his kids and I had a say in it and all came to a mutual agreement. Not a problem for any of us.

        As for being positive: I have to be or I would never have gotten through this kind of strange relationship -- the long distance of it. Plus B keeps me uplifted, always boosting my spirits and making things better for me (as much as he can from 3,000 miles away).

        Keep your chin up, girlio, hopefully things will look up for you after the holidays are over. Maybe you can build something deeper with him that will make you feel truly a part of his life that is important to him.
        February 2012 -- met online
        August 2012 -- he said "I love you."
        April 2013 -- met in person
        June 2013 -- broke up
        July 2013 -- back together
        August 2013 -- 2nd visit
        October 20, 2013 -- He proposed!
        April 22, 2014 -- Married/closed the distance!

        Comment


          #5
          Welcome to the forums!

          I can't really offer much advice here, but I hope things turn out well for you. ^_^

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