Dear Forum...

[nottheprincesspeach]

While he could potentially phrased things better or with more clarity as to allow us to better understand him, I feel continuing to jump on him at this point really is doing no good to making a new member feel welcome. We should work on building bridges to clarify communication rather than attacking the initial post. He indicated willingness to gain advice from any experience pertinent to him, which is a fair argument. Not everyone's advice or experience is applicable to what he has, is, or will go through.

[dglynn77]

While he could potentially phrased things better or with more clarity as to allow us to better understand him, I feel continuing to jump on him at this point really is doing no good to making a new member feel welcome. We should work on building bridges to clarify communication rather than attacking the initial post. He indicated willingness to gain advice from any experience pertinent to him, which is a fair argument. Not everyone's advice or experience is applicable to what he has, is, or will go through.

Thus far the replies have been friendly and pleasant (for the most part) to this new member. The new member was also given good advice on how to fit in and make friends here on the forum. Adding more judging to this post isn't helping anyone. OP has already shown us he has no problem speaking for himself. This doesn't need to become a drama-fest.

[nottheprincesspeach]

Thus far the replies have been friendly and pleasant (for the most part) to this new member. The new member was also given good advice on how to fit in and make friends here on the forum. Adding more judging to this post isn't helping anyone. OP has already shown us he has no problem speaking for himself. This doesn't need to become a drama-fest.

Agreed. I guess attempting to avoid that doesn't really help avoiding it. I'm stepping out, because continued response clearly only escalates things. I have many reasons for saying what I said, especially the "for the most part" not part of it. Anyway, good day to this thread.

[Hollandia]

While he could potentially phrased things better or with more clarity as to allow us to better understand him, I feel continuing to jump on him at this point really is doing no good to making a new member feel welcome. We should work on building bridges to clarify communication rather than attacking the initial post. He indicated willingness to gain advice from any experience pertinent to him, which is a fair argument. Not everyone's advice or experience is applicable to what he has, is, or will go through.

If you make a statement in here then expect to hear back from it. I don't regret or rescind anything I said. He likes to tell it like it is and so do some of us. If he has an issue with it, let him speak for himself. I intended no malice and simply responded to what he said. He already clarified what he meant by what he said when asked. There comes a point when constant enabling everything does more harm than good. Not everyone's advice is applicable to anyone here but most of us don't go around telling others, we don't wish to hear from them. My SO is Dutch and I spend a lot of time here, the Dutch in my opinion are very outspoken and blunt, they are not rude however or unfair, and the OP's original statement was a bit of both imo and so that should be addressed. He is of course welcome here and I believe he knows that, if anything he should respect we can respond in kind to his statement if it is offensive to some of us.

If you cannot handle the heat then don't open the oven door. I would doubt he will be offended and don't need nor want to be lectured regarding it. If you have an issue with that, then PM me and I will be happy to debate it. I don't wish to derail the thread.

[CanadianGirl]

I took a look at the main site and saw "LDR survey" at the very bottom of the Community drop-down and these were the results. I found some of the questions a little odd, mostly the phone ones, but we never really had the option of calling each other outside of emergencies. Also the cheating questions are confusing..since it's mostly people who have never been in an LDR who think that a CD relationship is somehow better about that.

The question was specifically "If you could go back in time, would you choose to be in your long distance relationship again?". If I went back in time, knowing who my SO was and what we'd come to mean to each other, then hell yes, I would do it again. If I went back in time knowing only how hard an LDR was, then no, I wouldn't subject myself to it on purpose.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I am fine hearing back from things, but was simply attempting to end the unnecessary argument. I stopped responding to avoid just this. Also I tried to PM you about this very matter, but your stored messages are full Hollandia so that is impossible. I feel we are trying to get to the same end here, so I don't see why this is a continued issue as you said multiple things in this very similar to what I said. I hope we can let this go as I have valued your responses in this and other threads.

[Hollandia]

I am fine hearing back from things, but was simply attempting to end the unnecessary argument. I stopped responding to avoid just this. Also I tried to PM you about this very matter, but your stored messages are full Hollandia so that is impossible. I feel we are trying to get to the same end here, so I don't see why this is a continued issue as you said multiple things in this very similar to what I said. I hope we can let this go as I have valued your responses in this and other threads.

We have a mod to do that. It annoys me when posters try to mod other posters. I am sorry for the full inbox and will go and empty it now. I will say that "hushing" people won't work, let the OP speak for himself and take it from there.

[Hollandia]

I took a look at the main site and saw "LDR survey" at the very bottom of the Community drop-down and these were the results. I found some of the questions a little odd, mostly the phone ones, but we never really had the option of calling each other outside of emergencies. Also the cheating questions are confusing..since it's mostly people who have never been in an LDR who think that a CD relationship is somehow better about that.

The question was specifically "If you could go back in time, would you choose to be in your long distance relationship again?". If I went back in time, knowing who my SO was and what we'd come to mean to each other, then hell yes, I would do it again. If I went back in time knowing only how hard an LDR was, then no, I wouldn't subject myself to it on purpose.

I would, no doubt about it. We are in the process of working towards a baby and marriage. This is my life-mate. I would go through hell and back for him and I have had much worse experiences with people I met in CD. Life is funny, you just have to put your seat belt on and sit back and enjoy the ride, wherever and however it takes you.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I would, no doubt about it. We are in the process of working towards a baby and marriage. This is my life-mate. I would go through hell and back for him and I have had much worse experiences with people I met in CD. Life is funny, you just have to put your seat belt on and sit back and enjoy the ride, wherever and however it takes you.

I agree with this. I don't know that I would ever purposefully seek an LD, but I would do LD anytime for the right person. Also have had more negative experiences with CD than LD, though that could speak to how many of each I have had.

[Chillosaurus]

[...] Is it different sure, but so are non international and international LDRs. So are people are 1 year apart or 20 years apart and so are those of us with a time difference or not, but they are all still valid LDRs.[...]

I never have doubted that and even if I would, I don't think any relationship should rely on external validation. It is only about the two or more people being involved.
I already have clarified that I don't mean to be disrespectful, but was just worried, whether this forum can be any helpful for me.
Having people as CanadianGirl here, makes me feel positive.
Thanks everyone for the welcoming.

[Moon]

I never have doubted that and even if I would, I don't think any relationship should rely on external validation. It is only about the two or more people being involved.
I already have clarified that I don't mean to be disrespectful, but was just worried, whether this forum can be any helpful for me.
Having people as CanadianGirl here, makes me feel positive.
Thanks everyone for the welcoming.

How about worrying if you can be helpful to the forum also? It goes both ways, y'know.

[Hollandia]

I never have doubted that and even if I would, I don't think any relationship should rely on external validation. It is only about the two or more people being involved.
I already have clarified that I don't mean to be disrespectful, but was just worried, whether this forum can be any helpful for me.
Having people as CanadianGirl here, makes me feel positive.
Thanks everyone for the welcoming.

We are indeed here for you, but don't assume someone can not be helpful just because they have not met. You would only be closing yourself off to additional lines of help. Some might not have met their current SOs but have had previous ones before too. My point and others is this........don't knock it till you tried it. Many of us deal with people that think any LDR is ridiculous so you touch a sensitive subject when you rebuff a certain kind of them. Our motto is pretty this......we accept all until proven otherwise.

Most here have met their SO's so fear not about that, but I still value those that have not as much, we were ALL in their shoes in one point or another. I was best buds with my SO for 6 months before we met and decided to date. I would still like to be able to talk to myself a bit from back then if I could.

You can learn by experienced for sure, but only a wise person accepts they can learn by those less experienced sometimes too.

[Chillosaurus]

How about worrying if you can be helpful to the forum also? It goes both ways, y'know.

Having people here in similar situation guarantees that their experience can be interesting for my situation and my experience can be helpful for their situation.
I have stated and shown that I am ready to share experiences, y'know.

[Hollandia]

Having people here in similar situation guarantees that their experience can be interesting for my situation and my experience can be helpful for their situation.
I have stated and shown that I am ready to share experiences, y'know.

I speak only for myself but some of us feel that is not true. Meeting someone is not all that creates a LDR and makes it interesting.

[Rugger]

Just need to out it out there that you can learn from other regardless of whether they have had the exact same experiences you do. I've learned tons from the ladies and gents here and I met my SO previous to us being LDR.

Try to be more open-minded

Welcome!