Quite an Entrance

[ldrxoxo]

Hello,

My name is Jessica. I'm 28. I was googling long distance quotes and this site came up in my search engine. Despite some things that happened to me here, I overall still love this forum and I look forward to reading all of your experiences [won't let some people ruin my time here].

At first I thought my in transition "LDR" was over and I didn't know what to do anymore so I came here to look for anyone in similar situations.
I didn't want to give up yet without even meeting him. We met online. Although we are not official, I'm still remaining faithful.
I've just had it with men from my town being so flaky.

Things started off really smoothly at first with my "LDR" [we're 8 hours away] then slowly we fell out of contact and I was left wondering what happened.
We used to talk every other day and it was everything a LDR should be. By the third month he was going every two to three weeks not saying anything to me at all. I was devastated, not knowing what was going on. I gave him his space thinking he would remember to message me.

I was so frustrated that I left him messages the other day saying why am I turning down guys locally if he's not going to talk to me anymore?
We had a long talk about it last night and things are looking up again. The thing with my long distance is that he is 19-years-old. I've never ever tried dating someone that young before. It's always been 1 to 3 years younger or 1 year old but I've had no such luck so I figure what the hey, this 19-year-old was talking to me more than any other man has tried to get to know me.

He and I have some things in common: having hardly any friends, girls in his area treated him the way guys in my area treat me and it just took off from there.

I hope to get to meet some more nice posters here.

Have you ever gone a long time without talking to your "LDR" and thought it was over then ended up together better than ever?

Nice to meet you guys.

[lyonsgirl]

Thanks for introducing yourself.


When we were LD, we never stopped talking. I was in one LDR before I got married, and no, we didn't ever go a long time without talking. Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't go very long in any relationship without talking to my partner. There was one that we went a week without "constant communication", but he was on vacation with his family and didn't have access to phone/internet. He still managed to email me twice, though.

[kattermole]

Welcome!

We were constant talkers too, it was important to me that if we couldn't have the physical contact, we at least would do our best with the emotional stuff. I have seen some stories though of people who fall out of contact with each other then years later, get back in touch and by that time, circumstances for the relationship are better. I think it's healthy in the interim period, though, not to put your life on hold waiting for the other person, but to go out and carry on living.

[Hollandia]

I have an age difference with my SO, but it is quite different. I have a daughter close to your potential SO's age, btw ,and I am so glad you stopped calling him the "19 year old", it is kinda icky, like you think of him as an age only. It think that is it not a matter of nine years it is a matter of where those ages fall. He is barely a man and you are a full grown woman. I have to look at at 8 year old and a 17 year old(9 years) and say, does this not make a difference? Both me and mine are over 30. so age means less, but your potential SO is in a formative stage of life and you are past yours. So keep this in mind.

I am not saying it won't work. He could grow to love you, to want to marry you and have kids with you...is that what you want? It most likely won't be for something close to five to ten years from now. Are you willing to give him that time? I also think that both partners need to be 100 percent invested in any LDR for it to work. Is he willing to do that? He needs to be.

One more thing. Nobody every thinks their future mates will cheat on them, beat them, or show their sexy vid pics online, but it happens. So, be careful, You have known him for a few months and yet you defend your knowledge of him like he is your best friend. Best friends don't ignore each other for weeks.

Me and my SO were only friends for several months because of the distance and so we both tried not to "date" but we both could not stop wanting to have constant contact with each other. This is what told me this was worth fighting for and so far, sorry, I don't see a long term relationship here in your case. Enjoy the time you have together and if you really want a shot at it, go meet in person as soon as you can.

I would not stop dating other people because that should be only for people in committed relationships and your scenario does not sound like it merits that title yet. Stop putting the "19 year old" from afar you have never met on a pedestal that ignores you for weeks and give both other LDR and CD peeps a chance.

[CanadianGirl]

I can't say we've ever really went without talking for long. Even when life gets really hectic, we check in on each other at least once a day . At the beginning of our relationship, we tried to swear off logging onto our chat program around exam time and we both always cracked within 48 hours. The only rough spot we really had was when he was unbelievably stressed out trying to find his first post-college job. He was just not talking to people much at all. He'd talk about the stress from time to time but wouldn't really feel up for anything more. Even though I know he must've felt terrible and probably only wanted to be alone, he still made an effort to stay in touch daily. He got his job, adjusted to it and we went right back to where we were before.

[dglynn77]

Hello,

My name is Jessica. I'm 28.

Have you ever gone a long time without talking to your "LDR" and thought it was over then ended up together better than ever?

Hello! Welcome to LFAD!

The longest my SO and I ever went without talking was 2 days. That was because I was flying across the USA and then to China, and it took me a day once I was there finally moved in in China to get internet and a phone. It was awful not being able to talk to him and assure him that I had made it safely.
He made a big point of always communicating often while we were LD. I never had to pressure him to text or talk. It was super sweet of him, actually
So, I guess I'm not the right person to ask about having gone a long time without talking

Edit to add: (just remembered this embarrassing story)
I did have an LDR where we stopped talking for a long time. This was because he was a really sweet guy who was super into me and even talking marriage while I just wanted out because I realized while he was great he just wasn't for me. So I just kind of stopped talking. It ended up hurting him more than if I would have just been honest. Now I'm embarrassed of this story because it was such a cowardly way to act. So yea. Not proud of that.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I have an age difference with my SO, but it is quite different. I have a daughter close to your potential SO's age, btw ,and I am so glad you stopped calling him the "19 year old", it is kinda icky, like you think of him as an age only. It think that is it not a matter of nine years it is a matter of where those ages fall. He is barely a man and you are a full grown woman. I have to look at at 8 year old and a 17 year old(9 years) and say, does this not make a difference? Both me and mine are over 30. so age means less, but your potential SO is in a formative stage of life and you are past yours. So keep this in mind.

I am not saying it won't work. He could grow to love you, to want to marry you and have kids with you...is that what you want? It most likely won't be for something close to five to ten years from now. Are you willing to give him that time? I also think that both partners need to be 100 percent invested in any LDR for it to work. Is he willing to do that? He needs to be.

One more thing. Nobody every thinks their future mates will cheat on them, beat them, or show their sexy vid pics online, but it happens. So, be careful, You have known him for a few months and yet you defend your knowledge of him like he is your best friend. Best friends don't ignore each other for weeks.

Me and my SO were only friends for several months because of the distance and so we both tried not to "date" but we both could not stop wanting to have constant contact with each other. This is what told me this was worth fighting for and so far, sorry, I don't see a long term relationship here in your case. Enjoy the time you have together and if you really want a shot at it, go meet in person as soon as you can.

I would not stop dating other people because that should be only for people in committed relationships and your scenario does not sound like it merits that title yet. Stop putting the "19 year old" from afar you have never met on a pedestal that ignores you for weeks and give both other LDR and CD peeps a chance.

Okay, while I have said many times the age difference is crazy I will say one thing, my cousin was 28 when he married a 19 year old. I was her age at the time. Our family was apprehensive at first, but she has fit in perfectly with the family and been so great for him. I do agree that she is taking things so intensely so fast when it does appear he is not on the same level. All of the commonalities she listed were seemingly insignificant and poor reasons to be dating.

Now to respond to OP, The only time I've had a stint that long was when I was dating a military contractor who went away for 3 weeks and could not contact me for serious confidentiality and safety reasons. Other than that I have never had a stint that long because there has always been a method of communication that I at least got a text. Also I think it is time to let everything go and just enjoy being here.

[dglynn77]

Okay, while I have said many times the age difference is crazy I will say one thing, my cousin was 28 when he married a 19 year old. I was her age at the time. Our family was apprehensive at first, but she has fit in perfectly with the family and been so great for him. I do agree that she is taking things so intensely so fast when it does appear he is not on the same level. All of the commonalities she listed were seemingly insignificant and poor reasons to be dating.

This seems be able to work out when the male is older as women mature faster than men.

[ldrxoxo]

Hello, everyone! Thanks for your replies. I thought it was odd, too that he went this past month so long without talking to me when in a long distance thing I thought that's when people should talk to each other the most even if it's just saying good night each day. I've been by myself for years and am being careful not to get knocked up by someone in town I don't like. I haven't been with anyone in years and years, and still haven't been with anyone that I don't even know what it's like anymore. I don't want to add extra baggage than the distance either if we can ever meet. I have a lot of "me time" and all I do is have my hobbies and hang out with about three people tops and my dog. After the stress that ex-friends used to bring in my life, I don't want to talk to a lot of people from my town anymore because most local people brought so much unneeded things into my life that I shouldn't have to deal with since they were supposed to be my friends if they acted like friends. I know many people get crazy spending too much time to themselves, but I'm okay with it and I write my stories during my spare time to pass the time which takes up some time so I don't find myself in something unnecessary.

I only talk to my two roommates and some of my co-workers. I am indeed willing to wait for the long distance to meet at a proper time and at this time I'm glad we don't have an official title at this time. We have truly gotten to know each other, still getting to know more about each other. He has told me about secrets of his past that I was shocked because he didn't look like the type to do what he told me in the past, but I told him my secrets, too. My roommate's ex-girlfriend got engaged to her fiance nearby SOs after only a month of dating which I thought is extremely desperate. While I do feel like I am in love with my interest, I'm nowhere near ready for marriage.

The men in my town always stop contacting me after a week for no reason, leave me no explanation as to what happened and that's why I stopped trying locally. I'm tired of this getting to "know" each other only in one week then disappearing act. I can't even find someone here to go on a few dates with. I had met a 28-year-old my age here while my long distance and I had a falling out. The local guy had apologized a few times for canceling on me, and now I haven't heard from him. I know he works and is most likely tired, I just don't like talking once a week even with a local guy. I don't think twice a week is too much to ask, especially locally. This guy is ten minutes away and still barely has time for me.

[Hollandia]

Okay, while I have said many times the age difference is crazy I will say one thing, my cousin was 28 when he married a 19 year old. I was her age at the time. Our family was apprehensive at first, but she has fit in perfectly with the family and been so great for him. I do agree that she is taking things so intensely so fast when it does appear he is not on the same level. All of the commonalities she listed were seemingly insignificant and poor reasons to be dating.

Now to respond to OP, The only time I've had a stint that long was when I was dating a military contractor who went away for 3 weeks and could not contact me for serious confidentiality and safety reasons. Other than that I have never had a stint that long because there has always been a method of communication that I at least got a text. Also I think it is time to let everything go and just enjoy being here.

I don't have an issue with it, but both parties need to be completely invested in it and ready to face what you need to face in an LDR with an age difference. I speak from experience.

[Hollandia]

Hello, everyone! Thanks for your replies. I thought it was odd, too that he went this past month so long without talking to me when in a long distance thing I thought that's when people should talk to each other the most even if it's just saying good night each day. I've been by myself for years and am being careful not to get knocked up by someone in town I don't like. I haven't been with anyone in years and years, and still haven't been with anyone that I don't even know what it's like anymore. I don't want to add extra baggage than the distance either if we can ever meet. I have a lot of "me time" and all I do is have my hobbies and hang out with about three people tops and my dog. After the stress that ex-friends used to bring in my life, I don't want to talk to a lot of people from my town anymore because most local people brought so much unneeded things into my life that I shouldn't have to deal with since they were supposed to be my friends if they acted like friends. I know many people get crazy spending too much time to themselves, but I'm okay with it and I write my stories during my spare time to pass the time which takes up some time so I don't find myself in something unnecessary.

I only talk to my two roommates and some of my co-workers. I am indeed willing to wait for the long distance to meet at a proper time and at this time I'm glad we don't have an official title at this time. We have truly gotten to know each other, still getting to know more about each other. He has told me about secrets of his past that I was shocked because he didn't look like the type to do what he told me in the past, but I told him my secrets, too. My roommate's ex-girlfriend got engaged to her fiance nearby SOs after only a month of dating which I thought is extremely desperate. While I do feel like I am in love with my interest, I'm nowhere near ready for marriage.

The men in my town always stop contacting me after a week for no reason, leave me no explanation as to what happened and that's why I stopped trying locally. I'm tired of this getting to "know" each other only in one week then disappearing act. I can't even find someone here to go on a few dates with. I had met a 28-year-old my age here while my long distance and I had a falling out. The local guy had apologized a few times for canceling on me, and now I haven't heard from him. I know he works and is most likely tired, I just don't like talking once a week even with a local guy. I don't think twice a week is too much to ask, especially locally. This guy is ten minutes away and still barely has time for me.

Might I ask why you always equate things to age so much? Just go date. With the younger guy that LDR or the closer guys that are your age or not. Just go date. You won't find a soulmate when you are looking for one. My best advice is this. Just go have fun for a year or so and see what happens. Keep dating your LDR person of interest and also date others. You sound like you want instant gratification that does not come except for in movies in such a quick amount of time in real life all the time. I met my SO and enjoyed being his friend for 6 months before we met and decided to date. We just loved hanging out with each other and so we spoke during all our free time together every day.

Stop looking for a BF, you won't find one that way. Enjoy the ups of being single and dating. Have fun with it and once you stop wanting them to call you all the time, they will. Plan a date with a different guy for every night of the week one time and just enjoy it. Meet as many as you can and have no expectations with any of it.

If your one and only is this guy, he will still be there, but don't wait for him till he is ready to give as much as you are into the relationship or you are creating an environment for years of future pain.

[nottheprincesspeach]

Might I ask why you always equate things to age so much? Just go date. With the younger guy that LDR or the closer guys that are your age or not. Just go date. You won't find a soulmate when you are looking for one. My best advice is this. Just go have fun for a year or so and see what happens. Keep dating your LDR person of interest and also date others. You sound like you want instant gratification that does not come except for in movies in such a quick amount of time in real life all the time. I met my SO and enjoyed being his friend for 6 months before we met and decided to date. We just loved hanging out with each other and so we spoke during all our free time together every day.

Stop looking for a BF, you won't find one that way. Enjoy the ups of being single and dating. Have fun with it and once you stop wanting them to call you all the time, they will. Plan a date with a different guy for every night of the week one time and just enjoy it. Meet as many as you can and have no expectations with any of it.

If your one and only is this guy, he will still be there, but don't wait for him till he is ready to give as much as you are into the relationship or you are creating an environment for years of future pain.

You aren't wrong at all. I went from doing online dating and looking super hard to giving up. That's when I randomly bumped into my SO. I am happier for it. I agree with the not committing too soon and exploring your options.

[ldrxoxo]

Might I ask why you always equate things to age so much? Just go date. With the younger guy that LDR or the closer guys that are your age or not. Just go date. You won't find a soulmate when you are looking for one. My best advice is this. Just go have fun for a year or so and see what happens. Keep dating your LDR person of interest and also date others. You sound like you want instant gratification that does not come except for in movies in such a quick amount of time in real life all the time. I met my SO and enjoyed being his friend for 6 months before we met and decided to date. We just loved hanging out with each other and so we spoke during all our free time together every day.

Stop looking for a BF, you won't find one that way. Enjoy the ups of being single and dating. Have fun with it and once you stop wanting them to call you all the time, they will. Plan a date with a different guy for every night of the week one time and just enjoy it. Meet as many as you can and have no expectations with any of it.

If your one and only is this guy, he will still be there, but don't wait for him till he is ready to give as much as you are into the relationship or you are creating an environment for years of future pain.

I figure guys my age wouldn't be into the game playing but they have toyed around with me so much just the same as a 19, 21, 23-year-old. My worst experience was with a 29-year-old when I was 22. He had brought the most troubles into my life and his ex stalked me for five years. I was shocked this kind of drama came from a 29-year-old. I don't seem to have any luck with someone any age. I hope the last part is true that my long distance will be there if he's supposed to be. For now, I can't date anyone because I have just been working or been at the apartment. I don't have any events or activities of where I could meet people now that I'm just working and out of college.

There's no one at work of my interest, but I like it that way because I don't want my personal life to affect my work place as well.

[Hollandia]

I figure guys my age wouldn't be into the game playing but they have toyed around with me so much just the same as a 19, 21, 23-year-old. My worst experience was with a 29-year-old when I was 22. He had brought the most troubles into my life and his ex stalked me for five years. I was shocked this kind of drama came from a 29-year-old. I don't seem to have any luck with someone any age. I hope the last part is true that my long distance will be there if he's supposed to be. For now, I can't date anyone because I have just been working or been at the apartment. I don't have any events or activities of where I could meet people now that I'm just working and out of college.

There's no one at work of my interest, but I like it that way because I don't want my personal life to affect my work place as well.

Yes, but you can't say age does not matter and then make it matter. It either does or it does not. I have dated guys older, younger and my age. Guys are guys. Women are women. You just have to meet the right person.

It takes as long as it takes and I know you think you are getting to a point where you feel like you need to soon because pushing 30 can be scary, but trust me you are still quite young. You won't ever have this time again. Enjoy it. Join other online sites and make other friends. Do some online dating and just have fun. Nobody can find anyone when they are looking. Just get out the house and flirt and have fun. Don't even look for dates if you don't want. Look for friends. Take a cooking class or Join a pool league. Go out and live life why you are still young. Be friendly with people in the grocery store and your don't be afraid to grab a cab and do a happy alone sometime. Be safe, but get out of the house. You cold meet a sweet old lady that happens to have a great nephew that someday might be your true love or you might not. Just go live. If you don't want to leave the house then join more online communitys that might have single men in it but again, just to be friends at first.

Don't put all your chickens in a basket that might never hatch.

[rubydissolution]

As someone who has dated much younger let me tell you what you are potentially in for (not that it couldn't work, this is just my experience). Guys mature much slower then us ladies and you'll begin to notice that the longer you are with him. The youngest I've dated under my age is about 6 years for a year. The reason that relationship ended....I FELT LIKE I WAS HIS MOTHER!! I had to clean up after him, prompt him to clean his room, shower, brush his teeth, do laundry, dishes. I should not have to prompt an adult who is living on his own to do these things. At one point I flat out said, "I will not be coming over until you clean your clusterf*ck of a bedroom." Which actually worked lol. His mother paid me compliments for making him do this crap which was BS.

Second thing, you are 28, you are looking for a committed relationship. He's 19, and probably wants to be 19. Play the field, figure out what works for him. Guys his age are petrified of the word commitment because they aren't mature enough to handle it. He doesn't have that career, doesn't have a permanent residence, so essentially he's not ready for that next step. That doesn't mean if you guys survive his college day and he's in his 20's he won't be ready for it. But think about it, in 4 years you will be 32, if that biological clock isn't ticking yet it will be. AND he might not even be ready for kids at that time. Kids are another scary word for the youngins lol.

I agree with the above posters. Date around and don't settle. My current SO is 29 (two years younger then me) and plays video games and acts like a child constantly. They are out there! I used to settle for the younger guys because I was afraid older guys with more experience would judge me, that wasn't the case. I was afraid of dating sites, because they are full of beautiful people and I'm well not. I met and dated some pretty nice guys on those sites and found my SO on them. So don't be afraid to try to be single and dating. Because after you start, it's the biggest confidence boost you could ever get.

In response to the original question, my current SO and I are CD, but when I was in an LDR we never went more then a day without speaking to each other. GL!