lack of support

[ailish]

Hello everyone

I have to admit, I never would have said that I would be in a LDR, but here I am today, hopelessly in love.

I wanted to know if anyone had the same problem as me. When people started finding out that I was in a relationship with someone, they obviously had lots of questions, and so it came out that he lived ridiculously far away. People were surprised, I am not usually one to get into long term relationships, let alone a relationship with a man 9000 kilometers away.

One of the things that hurt the most, was one of my friends immediately saying, 'you know he's cheating on you' She didn't say thing cause she knows him, she doesn't, she just said that. I was rather taken aback. And she is not the only one who has said things like that, most of the people that find out bout me and him always say its a bad idea, and LDR's never work out, and im sure all the people who have ever been in LDR's have said this, but this guy is different. I know he is.
Anyone have any advice for me as to what to say to them?

Ailish

[Mims27]

I think most of us hear have dealt with lack of support and/or judgement. I think people just don't get it so they immediately judge. My sister is the one who has shown me the most judgement when it comes to my LDR. She thought it was a phase at first, thought my SO just wanted my money, she said I chose LDR because it's "easy" (WTF? lol) and her latest judgement is that she doesn't want me to get married because I "have everything to lose". Whatever that means. She constantly gives me her opinion eventhough I don't ask her for it and really no one else's opinion matters. What I do is, I don't involve her in my decision making anymore. If she wants to know, she can ask. I will tell her. If she doesn't agree, I don't care. It's MY life, not her's. I've walked away from her quite a few times for it all. I'm 31 years old, I think I know what I want and I know what I'm doing.


Good luck, just ignore the judgemental people. You do not have to explain or defend your relationship to ANYONE.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

I agree with Mims27, just ignore them to the best of your ability. Because as stated, you don't have to explain or defend your relationship to anyone.

My SO and I have had the same issue. Its easier for me to deal with when its just comments when I am talking to someone, because I can simply say "You don't know him like I do and you have no right to judge me and my relationship because you are not in it." But when people started commenting on Facebook status' about him, it was a little harder to deal with when I know he saw them. And it bothers him for the simple fact he is afraid they will turn me against him. Some of my supposed friends even messaged him threatening messages trying to get him to break up with me. Needless to say I got rid of them.

So I finally had enough of it and posted a status with rules to being my "friend". And rule number 1 was that people could not talk bad about my relationship or they would be deleted and said friendship would cease to exist. Rule number 2 was that they wouldn't disrespect my boyfriend or the same would happen.

My point is, for those you can't just ignore or that you are very close to, maybe you should make rules. Tell them not to talk in a negative way about your relationship because you are trying to remain positive. And also understand, they are more than likely just concerned that you will get hurt.

[lilspitfire]

How about people minding their own business? I know it's extremely hard to do, but it's possible. Like Mims and Loving said "It's your relationship."

[GuineaPunk]

As previously mentioned, a huge amount of people in a long distance relationship get a lot of judgement thrown their way. Ultimately everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that doesn't mean you have to pay it any attention

You've also got to remember that people judge relationships all the time, for all sorts of reasons. I've had my fair share of judgement, not all of the points related to the distance. I've had: "Why couldn't you find a white African? Why couldn't you have had a long distance relationship with an American or a European? You know he probably has a tropical disease or HIV? Why can't you find a man with more money?" These are some outright harsh (and racist) comments, but I refuse to entertain them. I'll tell you what has worked for me. I didn't harp on about my relationship anymore than I would for a close distance relationship, but I still made sure to casually mention it every now and then. I kept a little photo of him on my desk at work, and put a few up on my wall. The longer the relationship continued to exist, the more people came to realise that it wasn't some passing moment of madness. For my close family I got them to chat to him on the phone a little, I showed them some pictures of my time at his place, and in the end some of them backed off when they could see that I was happy and confident in it.

Of course, you are never going to get some people to change their minds, but you just need to let them be and don't let them bother you. If you talk about your relationship the same as you would for another one, then the people around you might well start to see it that way too.

[differentcountries]

Sometimes things seem impossable when they really are just a bit different. Good news to you is that you are now part of a web site where people can help each other deal with this situation in good ways. People may be very rude when they feel protective of you. You just show them you can take care of yourself and your SO, in time they will learn these things can work out :-)

[Unconditional]

I agree with all the posters above. I wanted to add:
The harder the challenge, the sweeter the reward. The longer the wait, the sweeter the kids. =) best of luck!

[Purplette]

What's important is constant and open communication. Trust. Prayers. Don't mind those people around you. You don't need to explain things on them, you are not a public figure. Lol. Stay happy