Hi everyone!

[FunFaith]

Hello everyone! My name is Faith and I am from USA. My SO is from Finland and I figured it is about time to get the ball rolling with some posts.

I am 23 years old, pretty young. My SO is 20. It makes it a bit difficult because sometimes I think him being younger means that he doesn't take things as seriously as I do. Really its just me being overly worried and him being overly relaxed about life. lol. He has been the most patient guy with all my insecurities and been with me through some of the toughest times of my life. We have known each other for about 3 years. I saw him once for two weeks in Dec 2014 and I adored him and his family. His mother has started to call me her daughter-in-law already! Haha.

This LDR has been extremely rough on me, not because of the person I'm with but just all the distance between us. I like to have solid plans down. Honestly I don't want to leave my family here and I don't want to make him leave his either just to be together. A decision has to be made though. To this day I still feel confused about it, when I think of me leaving USA I am actually happy to leave all the mess its currently in, behind. But I am not okay with leaving my family, my familiar foods, my friends, my language. All my comforts that I am used to would be stripped away from me. And even if I worked hard here to move to Finland, then what? I no longer have income, and being financially unstable is my worst fear. I instantly cry over it and it is hard to get me to stop. I have contemplated seeing a therapist for all this so that I do not develop anxiety or panic attacks (though I should be okay since I am crying it out and not holding it in). It is quite a burden on me and my SO tries to make me smile when he can. Once I'm down though I really am down. I do adore his family and they treat me like I am apart of it. However, I feel like I would rely too much on that for comfort. I would feel very odd.. like I had just lost my own family and was now adopted into his. How do I stop feeling that?

Am I the only one who has gone through these emotions? I want to be with my SO but I feel like I am sacrificing everything. Is there any actions I can take where I stop thinking this way or can solve this feeling of "without finances or any comforts you are doomed" ? Any tips would be great!

[Moon]

Hiya Faith, I'm also in a US/Finland LDR

Have you both visited each other's countries yet? You can't even begin to think about where to move until you do. Also, I'd stop worrying so much about it, it's not a decision you need to make today, and if your profile is correct, you haven't really been together a year yet, it's OK to give it more time. People in LDR's often think that in order for the relationship to work, they have to close the distance ASAP, and they forget to enjoy the relationship they have now, you know? Our situation is a bit different, but we've been in this for 6 years and we're stupidly happy You can do this.

You should really start reading The Finland Forum, if you aren't already. It'll give you a ton of insight into life in Finland for a foreigner. DO NOT post right away!! They'll eat you alive, especially when you're American. Read it for a while first. Currently life in Finland, even Helsinki, is pretty damn bleak for a foreigner. Jobs are super scarce, and go to citizens first, people with very advanced degrees second, and near-fluent Finnish speakers third. Practically speaking, him moving here makes much more sense, if he can find a way to do that. You really might be better off waiting for their economy to improve.

Anyway, I've been to Finland over a dozen times, and he's been here a few times, too. If you have any questions, feel free to get in touch.

[FunFaith]

Thanks for the greeting! I have visited there and he plans to visit here soon. The bleak thing I find about Finland so far is that the winters are very long and dark! We have been dating for longer but we can only prove it up to 7 months so we just decided to leave it as an official date. I have read some things from the Finland Forum, especially about Americans moving to Finland. They really are harsh on foreigners and don't like what they perceive as unrealistic dreamers coming over. (Which is understandable) Thanks for all the advice. I think you are right with the patience thing, and that I should probably visit him a few more times before really asking about moving plans. I just like to have a goal to work towards is all.

When I arrived in Finland, everyone there bombarded me that I would freeze to death. They were bewildered to see me in jeans and a heavy coat. I'm from Michigan, and our winter was actually colder than theirs the past year. I couldn't for the life of me get them to understand in my region of America we don't wear extremely heavy stuff unless we are skiing or exposed for hours at a time. lol took me a week to get them to realize we keep our houses 68-72 F all year round. They thought I was nuts and that my house should be a firm 80 degrees. Was really entertaining. I wonder if all Finnish households keep their houses at 80? Maybe it was just the ones I met. It was an amazing experience, the food in Finland doesn't hurt my stomach as often as American food. I even got to take a ferry to Estonia with the SO. Now THAT place was cold when I went. Cheaper things to buy though!