Hi everyone... new here and new to LDR!

[Belle21]

Hi all,

I stumbled across this site while looking for advice for people in LDRs. I recently met and fell in love with a wonderful man, who unfortunately lives 9000 miles away. We talk every day, which is great, but I can't help thinking about the future. I know he could never move here because he has children, and as much as I love him I can't see myself giving up my family, friends, job and everything else in my life here to move to Australia.

Some of my friends have told me to just move there and see what happens, some say we should stop speaking to each other and gradually phase each other out of our lives as the relationship has no future, and other say I should just enjoy what we have for now and see what happens (which is what we've agreed to do). None of them have ever had a long distance relationship though, which is why I wanted to talk to some people who are in the same boat!

Thanks for reading my complicated little story!

B

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Hi there! Welcome! Finding a "solution" to your problem is all about what you and your SO want and are going to be happy with. If you aren't happy being LD for as long as the relationship may last (potentially for the rest of your life), then yes, one or both of you will have to move. However, there are plenty of couples that are perfectly happy living apart for most of the year or that switch between the two countries after a certain amount of time in each. It really is up to what YOU want in your relationship and are willing to live with. With that being said, talking about moving or marriage that soon into your relationship is a recipe for disaster! You can see multiple posts on here where one side pushes too hard to close the distance too soon into a relationship and it rarely works well for them unless their partner is pushing to close the distance just as fast. There is nothing wrong with just seeing where things go for a year+ and making decisions from the point if you love him enough.

On a personal note, I refused to start my LDR until my SO and I had a tentative plan in place (we were dating a couple of months CD and then had to move to LD, so it's a little different than your situation). If he wasn't willing to move here, then I wasn't able to be with him due to my career, family life, and a multitude of other factors. It was a requirement for me, and he was perfectly okay with it. I never, ever intended to move to the Netherlands. It may be selfish for me to say, but I just knew that it wasn't for me. That was until I ended up living there for half a year and fell in love with it. Sometimes you need to be in the environment (for more than a couple of months) to really enjoy it and feel comfortable making it your new home. It takes time. I am in the same boat you are as far as not wanting to move and I am lucky that my SO is willing to, but after spending time there, I actually would be willing to move away from my home, family, friends, and career. Sometimes you don't know until you make yourself be in the situation. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you and I hope that you make the right decision for YOU and forget about all the other voices in your ear.