NYC to The Netherlands

[Morwen]

Hello all, just wanted to say hey... I was actually on this forum before years ago, with a different username and a different... life, but that ended some time ago. So I'm here again, as I find myself a month away from meeting the Dutch guy I've been talking to mostly all day every day for the past 2.5 months. Like I said, I've done the whole LDR thing before (US to Europe as well) but in my previous relationship, we met in person and then had to be apart later. This time, we've met online and our meeting in a month will be the first time we've met in person... I'm very nervous but also very excited. I've never done anything like this before. This is also the first time I've dated someone whose first language I didn't speak. (I *have* actually dated someone for 2 years whose first language wasn't English, but I was living in Asia at the time and I'm fluent in his first language.) I've been doing some Dutch on Duolingo but it's slow going and I'm a little worried about when we are with other people and I am unable to speak Dutch... anyway, that's a lot of information, but hello all and I look forward to chatting on here again.

[kittyo9]

Welcome (back)! I hope things go well for you.

Since you mentioned learning Dutch, I wanted to give a shoutout to a website I bumped into years ago: https://www.lesexpres.nl/language_EN...?taalkeuze=DS& I found it more helpful than Duolingo for learning things like sentence structure and context. Have a look!

This aside... do not worry a wink about language barriers. The majority of Dutch people also speak English, as it is required in school and utilized regularly.

[kittyxuchiha11]

Hello and welcome! lovely to have you back :3

[SailorRei]

Warm welcome back.

But a question- why did you get into LDR again? I'm just curious, since you've done it before, obviously it didn't work, and now you're doing it again? I understand that love doesn't choose, but you did chose some online instead of in NYC... why?
I'm only asking, because for me, when I'm done with this LDR I am NEVER doing anything like this again. It's too hard and odds of working it out are not big...

[Honour]

Warm welcome back.

But a question- why did you get into LDR again? I'm just curious, since you've done it before, obviously it didn't work, and now you're doing it again? I understand that love doesn't choose, but you did chose some online instead of in NYC... why?
I'm only asking, because for me, when I'm done with this LDR I am NEVER doing anything like this again. It's too hard and odds of working it out are not big...

I've been in at least 3 LDRs. Sometimes you make mistakes. It happens. We're human.

[kittyo9]

Warm welcome back.

But a question- why did you get into LDR again? I'm just curious, since you've done it before, obviously it didn't work, and now you're doing it again? I understand that love doesn't choose, but you did chose some online instead of in NYC... why?
I'm only asking, because for me, when I'm done with this LDR I am NEVER doing anything like this again. It's too hard and odds of working it out are not big...

Not to be a party pooper, but statistically, most relationships fail, whether they are at a distance or not.

I am what you might call a "serial" long-distance dater. I have been in four major long-distance relationships, my current included. I am generally shy and have a lot of trouble being noticed by people in person, and I find that I do much better when people take the time to get to know me online. Additionally, my interests take me to places that are mostly online communities, which means most of the people I meet live in other places of the world (which I find fascinating!). It's a game of numbers and preferences.

[Moon]

Warm welcome back.

But a question- why did you get into LDR again? I'm just curious, since you've done it before, obviously it didn't work, and now you're doing it again? I understand that love doesn't choose, but you did chose some online instead of in NYC... why?
I'm only asking, because for me, when I'm done with this LDR I am NEVER doing anything like this again. It's too hard and odds of working it out are not big...

The odds of any relationship working out aren't big really, and not everyone finds LDR's too hard to do. This is my first actual LDR, but I wouldn't be opposed to another one if this didn't work. It's all in your perspective and the people involved; I would prefer local, sure, but sometimes something more interesting pops up out of nowhere.

[MissButterfly]

Welkom terug op het forum! Nederlands is niet makkelijk, maar gelukkig spreekt iedereen Engels.
I've had an American boyfriend for almost 4 years and he picked up words very quickly, though the grammar is hell for any foreigner. Don't push yourself too much, everyone your age will happily switch to English in conversation I'm sure!

But a question- why did you get into LDR again? I'm just curious, since you've done it before, obviously it didn't work, and now you're doing it again? I understand that love doesn't choose, but you did chose some online instead of in NYC... why?
I'm only asking, because for me, when I'm done with this LDR I am NEVER doing anything like this again. It's too hard and odds of working it out are not big...

The bolded part is crucial. You don't choose. I for one am a pretty introvert person, I don't really go out and meet people except my close friends. I meet and bond with people online much sooner and better because I hate smalltalk and meeting online is just what happens more naturally. This is my second LDR and this time it's much closer, and I actually don't mind much because I can be on my own pretty well too and I think it's all worth it. So your question is a bit strange in that sense, there are many reasons to do it again. Maybe it's just not for you, but maybe you change your mind if this doesn't work but you meet someone else who you think is worth it.

[SailorRei]

I understand everybody's point of view on that, I guess I just have different experiences and perspective.

For me, personally, I would not dive into LDR again and rather find my luck locally, to spare myself the uncertainty and yearning for closeness that came with my LDR.

Sorry everybody for being a downer here, just had a rough couple of weeks and my outlook is pretty pessimistic about everything

[Morwen]

But a question- why did you get into LDR again? I'm just curious, since you've done it before, obviously it didn't work, and now you're doing it again? I understand that love doesn't choose, but you did chose some online instead of in NYC... why?
I'm only asking, because for me, when I'm done with this LDR I am NEVER doing anything like this again. It's too hard and odds of working it out are not big...

Hey there I didn't really decide to do this again. Of course I didn't have to keep talking to him or travel there. But, also, sometimes life just kind of happens that way.

I remember some of you guys well-- kittyo9, Moon, MissButterfly. Thanks for replying to my post.

So this is an update to everything. We met. It was awesome! I was so nervous, especially in those first moments (I guess no matter how many hours you've videochatted, there is gonna be that "oh shit what if there isn't attraction now that we are right in front of each other" moment haha.) I had an amazing week with him. I met his family. The language thing (with his family) was... a thing, but, not a giant thing.

Since I got back, we have continued to chat all the time. The calling/videocalling is now daily. I think there was a moment when I thought, well I'm not sure if this is going to be a thing-- knowing how an LDR can go... But, a week ago he booked a ticket to visit me. He will be here in about 2 weeks, staying for 3. And I feel more sure about how/where this is going.

Anyway, I just wanted to update this. It looks like happily, I'll be sticking around.

[Morwen]

I am generally shy and have a lot of trouble being noticed by people in person, and I find that I do much better when people take the time to get to know me online.

I for one am a pretty introvert person, I don't really go out and meet people except my close friends. I meet and bond with people online much sooner and better because I hate smalltalk and meeting online is just what happens more naturally.

I am also a shy/introverted person in life. I have less trouble once people get to know me, but at first glance I know the way I carry myself seems standoffish or uninterested. After my first LDR ended, I felt even less connected to people around me. Maybe it's just a common thread for people who end up doing the long distance thing and/or meeting online.

[erwin1973]

I'm a little worried about when we are with other people and I am unable to speak Dutch... anyway, that's a lot of information, but hello all and I look forward to chatting on here again.

I hope you like your visit to 'my' little country. Welcome. And welcome back.
Well, most people here tend to speak (at least some) English, even my 96 year old grandmother speaks English.

Anyway, enjoy your visit. I hope the weather will cooperate.