Hello everyone,
I've been lurking for the last month and a half on this board and have to say that I really enjoy the vibe. It's active, and you have some nice participants helping each other out and supporting. So I decided to step out of the shadows and register + introduce myself.
My name is Wannes, I'm a 41 guy from Belgium, living in Belgium, and working in Paris (half the week) as a consultant. My job involves a lot of travel. I've had a lot of travel and living abroad in my past and one LDR that didn't end well.
My girlfriends is 31 years old and from Italy, but currently working/living in Khartoum, Sudan. She is a doctor specialising in revalidation therapy.
I've been in a long distance relationship before. When I worked abroad just after university in South America for 7 months and my then girlfriend was still in University. This was in 2000, and to be honest technology has moved on. From mails that you might be able to check once a week on a very slow connection in an internet cafe to being permanently connected even in Sudan. This student relationship didn't work out... somehow we didn't manage to keep the connection going and by the time I returned it had died out.
So fast forward to last beginning of November. I'm on a liveaboard on the Egyptian Red Sea, having a good time scubadiving, and on this same week long trip I meet this incredible Italian girl. A lot of hand movements, a lot of noise, a lot of song in her language, beautiful with the right amount of craziness. We start talking and connect... time flies and after a week we say goodbye as friends with the promise to keep in touch.
We do and messaging and texting turns into long conversations sharing stories and pictures, and then calls. Somewhere along the way she mentions that she'll be working in Sudan for 1 YEAR starting 13 December. OUCH!
I decide at that moment that I'll meet her in Venice airport the day she departs. So I fly over from Paris on a very early red eye flight to Venice and meet her alone (she asked her friends to just drop her off) in the departure lounge of Marco Polo Airport. 3 hours we talk, kiss, hold hands, hug, look into each others eyes and cry, and then her flight his called out one last time and she has to rush through international security. After she leaves I'm already thinking, what did I just got into??? Another LDR?
The first few days were a bit strange and difficult because we weren't able to connect... going from texting day and night to her settling in in Sudan, getting her bearings and logistics up and running. But in the meanwhile we have found some sort of routine. The holiday season was strange and sad, but I believe we have found our stride.
Straight from the Long Distance roadmap we setup some rules, which sounds totally unromantic but we really both wanted to have some guidelines and reassurance of commitment.
Soooooo:
RULE 1) She will finish her work in Sudan and between the end of October and half of November she will return to Italy.
RULE 2) I will move in with her in Italy after her return. Fortunately I have a very flexible job and can basically work from wherever as long as I'm in Paris 2-3 days a week.
RULE 3) She needs to get her permanent VISA in Sudan which is not sooo easy, once this is fixed we are no longer in limbo and she can travel and we can meet. Me travelling to Sudan is unfortunately not so easy because getting even a temporary tourist Visa to Sudan is notoriously difficult (trust me I tried). So once hers is settled we'll setup a schedule of meeting every 8 weeks for at least 1 week somewhere in Africa or the Middle East. With the first one (if the visa arrives, inshallah) mid February beginning of March.
RULE 4) We try to call every day, even if it's just to say for 5 minutes that we miss each other and are tired. The rest of the connection is regular video chats, long calls when time allows, text messages and even snail mail love letters. (It must have been 20 years since I wrote my last love letters).
So hopefully with these ground rules, staying positive and trusting each other we might actually make this work! As she always says (a quote from a song) Amerai il finale! You'll love the ending.
Still it has been an emotional roller coaster and I do hope it settles down a bit, because it really feels sometimes like having a serious infatuation and being love sick at the same time, because you can't hold the person you love. Sadness, with midnight calls crying, but also sending little soundbites to each other, laughing while she films herself playing wii (let's dance) or us together doing karaoke over skype... to the downright crazy when we did a joint skype session with her parents in Italy because she wanted to introduce me to her parents (a big thing everywhere but specially in Italy).
So here I am, hopefully at least for the next 10-11 months (which means the relation is still going strong).... reading, posting when I need a bit of reassurance or support, but hopefully also giving back.
Cheers,
I've been lurking for the last month and a half on this board and have to say that I really enjoy the vibe. It's active, and you have some nice participants helping each other out and supporting. So I decided to step out of the shadows and register + introduce myself.
My name is Wannes, I'm a 41 guy from Belgium, living in Belgium, and working in Paris (half the week) as a consultant. My job involves a lot of travel. I've had a lot of travel and living abroad in my past and one LDR that didn't end well.
My girlfriends is 31 years old and from Italy, but currently working/living in Khartoum, Sudan. She is a doctor specialising in revalidation therapy.
I've been in a long distance relationship before. When I worked abroad just after university in South America for 7 months and my then girlfriend was still in University. This was in 2000, and to be honest technology has moved on. From mails that you might be able to check once a week on a very slow connection in an internet cafe to being permanently connected even in Sudan. This student relationship didn't work out... somehow we didn't manage to keep the connection going and by the time I returned it had died out.
So fast forward to last beginning of November. I'm on a liveaboard on the Egyptian Red Sea, having a good time scubadiving, and on this same week long trip I meet this incredible Italian girl. A lot of hand movements, a lot of noise, a lot of song in her language, beautiful with the right amount of craziness. We start talking and connect... time flies and after a week we say goodbye as friends with the promise to keep in touch.
We do and messaging and texting turns into long conversations sharing stories and pictures, and then calls. Somewhere along the way she mentions that she'll be working in Sudan for 1 YEAR starting 13 December. OUCH!
I decide at that moment that I'll meet her in Venice airport the day she departs. So I fly over from Paris on a very early red eye flight to Venice and meet her alone (she asked her friends to just drop her off) in the departure lounge of Marco Polo Airport. 3 hours we talk, kiss, hold hands, hug, look into each others eyes and cry, and then her flight his called out one last time and she has to rush through international security. After she leaves I'm already thinking, what did I just got into??? Another LDR?
The first few days were a bit strange and difficult because we weren't able to connect... going from texting day and night to her settling in in Sudan, getting her bearings and logistics up and running. But in the meanwhile we have found some sort of routine. The holiday season was strange and sad, but I believe we have found our stride.
Straight from the Long Distance roadmap we setup some rules, which sounds totally unromantic but we really both wanted to have some guidelines and reassurance of commitment.
Soooooo:
RULE 1) She will finish her work in Sudan and between the end of October and half of November she will return to Italy.
RULE 2) I will move in with her in Italy after her return. Fortunately I have a very flexible job and can basically work from wherever as long as I'm in Paris 2-3 days a week.
RULE 3) She needs to get her permanent VISA in Sudan which is not sooo easy, once this is fixed we are no longer in limbo and she can travel and we can meet. Me travelling to Sudan is unfortunately not so easy because getting even a temporary tourist Visa to Sudan is notoriously difficult (trust me I tried). So once hers is settled we'll setup a schedule of meeting every 8 weeks for at least 1 week somewhere in Africa or the Middle East. With the first one (if the visa arrives, inshallah) mid February beginning of March.
RULE 4) We try to call every day, even if it's just to say for 5 minutes that we miss each other and are tired. The rest of the connection is regular video chats, long calls when time allows, text messages and even snail mail love letters. (It must have been 20 years since I wrote my last love letters).
So hopefully with these ground rules, staying positive and trusting each other we might actually make this work! As she always says (a quote from a song) Amerai il finale! You'll love the ending.
Still it has been an emotional roller coaster and I do hope it settles down a bit, because it really feels sometimes like having a serious infatuation and being love sick at the same time, because you can't hold the person you love. Sadness, with midnight calls crying, but also sending little soundbites to each other, laughing while she films herself playing wii (let's dance) or us together doing karaoke over skype... to the downright crazy when we did a joint skype session with her parents in Italy because she wanted to introduce me to her parents (a big thing everywhere but specially in Italy).
So here I am, hopefully at least for the next 10-11 months (which means the relation is still going strong).... reading, posting when I need a bit of reassurance or support, but hopefully also giving back.
Cheers,
Good luck with closing the distance. I hope for you it's done earlier than mine. 
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