Introducing myself, hi everyone!

[NoirFirebird]

Hi everyone!

My name is Melissa. I joined LFAD a couple of months ago but have been busy and admittedly I’m a bit shy, so I am just now getting around to writing my introduction. My SO and I have been together long-distance for almost 10 months now. We met on the internet through online gaming. I live in New York and he lives in Minnesota. We have a pretty significant age gap of over 30 years (I am the younger one) but neither one of us notices the difference at all. We have fun together and truly enjoy eachother’s company. He makes me laugh and I love him with all my heart. Not only are we lovers, we are best friends.

Currently we spend several hours per day together (except on weekends because that’s when I work) online playing games while we video chat on skype. We have not been able to meet in person yet ☹ though we do have plans set for him to visit me for the first time hopefully within the next 6-9 months. We have decided that after we meet he will be selling his home and moving to New York so that we can live together and get married. Right now we have some obstacles to overcome before we can set a more specific time frame. He is currently in treatment for cancer and the type of treatments that he is receiving he cannot get in my area ☹. The good news is that he is (slowly) improving.

I joined here to be able to have a place to talk and get ideas/support. This is my first long-distance relationship and there have been times where I have really struggled with the loneliness, how much I miss him, and how much I just want to be able to touch him. Some days I am so happy just to see him and hear his voice. Some days being apart like this feels utterly soul crushing and I just want to cry. I also have some problems with anxiety and find that I am constantly worrying about his health, our relationship, etc. If anyone has ideas or suggestions to make all of this a little easier for both of us I would love to hear them!

[Michelle]

Hi Melissa! Welcome to LFAD! Thank you for sharing a bit about yourself and your relationship. Since your SO is receiving cancer treatment and not able to travel for awhile, is there any way you could visit him first so you don’t have to wait so long? Otherwise, my advice for coping while you’re apart is to remember to make time for self care, whether that’s exercise, eating healthy, meditating, watching a movie, reading a book, etc. I know your anxiety is probably telling you to spend every available moment you have with him, but making time to take care of yourself is good for your mental health and also makes you a better partner in the long run. ❤️

[NoirFirebird]

Hello and thank you for the welcome. I just realized it had been a long time since I was last here, been keeping busy with every day life and am nearly finished with my bachelor's degree! So, here is an update: We have now been together for 13 months. We still have not met yet in person, but it is looking like possibly about 6 months from now. Visiting him is off the table for the moment unless we can figure something out. I have a disabled son and traveling with him or finding someone to take care of him for several days is extremely difficult.
Thank you very much for the suggestions, I have been actually trying to do some of the things you have mentioned here and it seems to help. We have also found some new ways to bond even in our off time such as reading the same books and watching the same TV shows. I have found that my anxiety has gotten a bit better. We have now put in place specific plans in the event that something happens to him and he is not able to contact me (this has helped with the anxiety a lot). Our relationship and our love continues to grow and we are enjoying spending time planning for our future. Honestly some days I do just fine with things, and other days it just hits me like a ton of bricks that he isn't here. On those days I try to keep myself busy. Now that I will have more free time I'll check in here more often .

[Damien hell]

Hello dude,

Glad to read your post here. Nice to see you here. Welcome.

Thank you!

[Michael Donovan]

Good day all. I’m Michael Donovan, first day in this group. I’m in NYC, my wonderful girlfriend is in Houston. Fell in love together May 2017. While we talk and text everyday, see each other once a month, there are days when the longing is overwhelming. We can’t move in together yet for myriad reasons. I’m hoping this group can help me, and perhaps I can help others. Thanks for being here!

[desertrose92]

Ironically I am from Minnesota and my SO is from Ohio!! We are only 5 years apart but I feel the same as you. I live with the same mental health issue with anxiety. He's been a blessing handling it with me- constantly reminding me how much he loves me and reassuring me.

[NoirFirebird]

Hello everyone, and thank you for the welcome!

[NoirFirebird]

Hi Michael,

Welcome to the group! I can definitely relate to your feelings. My SO and I have been together for almost 15 months and still have not been able to meet in person yet. However, I think a meeting might be in the works in the next couple months if all goes well with his next cancer treatment . At times the longing can be almost unbearable. We talk daily and spend many hours together video chatting on Skype while playing online games, talking, and planning our future life together. I don't know if this will help, but there are a few things I have found in recent months that have helped:

1. Try not to focus too much on how much you miss your SO and how sad you are over the lack of their presence. This really just tends to make things much worse. I know sometimes these kind of feelings are unavoidable. However, I have found that sometimes it helps to try to "disrupt" these types of thoughts as they occur and replace them with more positive ones. When you start to feel the blues over your SO and your situation try thinking instead about things like: how much you love her, all the wonderful reasons why you love her, all of the good moments that you have shared together, your future plans, etc.

2. During your time apart and when you have spare time work on your favorite hobbies. Maybe even take up a new one! Maybe there is something you have always wanted to try but never got the chance. This will help you overall to stay in a more positive frame of mind about things.

3. Try watching favorite movies or TV shows together. This is something that my SO and I do. He even got me to fall in love with a TV series I had never seen before. We also listen to the news together when we're on skype and talk about things that are going on. If the two of you like to read (my SO and I are both book worms lol) try reading a book or even book series together. This is great for helping with strengthening your bond and can help you feel closer.

4. If you have the time, money, space, etc. to devote and you don't already have one you could adopt a pet. Over a year ago my cat that I had for over 11 years died . Last month I decided to adopt a kitten. He certainly fills up some of my spare time and is always happy to give snuggles! He has even "met" my SO over skype . I have found that this has helped a great deal with some of my feelings of loneliness. Just make sure that your new pet will still have a place in your life when you and your SO have finally closed the distance.

5. Remember that someday this difficult time will be behind the two of you, and your relationship will be that much stronger because of it. I remember recently reading somewhere (I'm a psych major and love to read about recent research in the field) about the benefits of long distance relationships. There is some evidence to indicate that couples who start off as long distance or have to live long distance for a period of time may actually have a stronger, happier, and more satisfying relationship than couples who have not been long distance. You also have the added benefit of learning how to communicate really well with each other because you are forced to spend time really talking to one another because talking may be all you have at the moment. This means you should have little problem communicating once you have closed the distance and are living life together. Good communication is key to the health and survival of a relationship!

I hope that some of this helps .

[NoirFirebird]

Hi desertrose92, it's nice to meet someone else from Minnesota! It is really helpful to have an SO that is understanding, reassuring, and patient when you are struggling with anxiety issues. I am also blessed to have a wonderful SO who handles it well. He has always been patient, kind, and reassured me whenever I needed him to. Did you and your SO meet in person or online? If online, have you been able to meet in person yet? My SO and I met playing an online game, our characters on the game are married even . We have not been able to meet in person yet, though I think that may finally happen in the next few months . If things go well with his treatments hopefully we will close the distance and begin our life together within the next year. Either way (whether he is cured or not) when his treatments are finished we will start our life together and enjoy whatever time we are given. I mentioned it in another response here, but do you have a hobby you can work on in your free time? I've found that this goes a long way towards cutting down some of the feelings of anxiety. If you are good at doing things with your hands or crafting you might try knitting or crocheting. Some studies have shown that doing either of these is great for reducing anxiety, stress, and depression. Take care and hope to see you around .