He was too tired to talk to me last night..broke my heart..

[bigmamma236]

Hi,
I'm from Oregon, my newer boyfriend is in CT. 3100 miles away. He is planning on moving out here, but first I have to find us place to live in our budget. It is not happening fast enough for either one of us. He gets depressed about our distance apart. I get frustrated. We have talked about it and he knows I'm doing everything I can to find a place, but he also talks so often about the need he has to be with me physically. I want the same of course. He then kind of shuts down on me..then I get very worried and miss him terribly..

[Redheart14]

Sorry to hear you're going through this!! Communication is key especially when the stress of closing the distance strikes. I know it's hard but encourage him to talk to you. Can you get him to help you look for places, even online. It might help him to see things from your perspective.

[bigmamma236]

Thank you for your response. I will try that.

[autumn1790]

How long have you guys known each other?

[bigmamma236]

Sorry to hear you're going through this!! Communication is key especially when the stress of closing the distance strikes. I know it's hard but encourage him to talk to you. Can you get him to help you look for places, even online. It might help him to see things from your perspective.

I gave him a place to call about where he lives now, he says he will check into it this week-end. He is shutting down totally!! We used to talk for about 3 hours a night, last night was maybe 30 mins. max. He says he is even shutting down with his brother, who he lives with. I can't believe I finally at age 60 find a man that I love so very deeply and he lives 3100 miles away, and suffers from way worse depression then I ever have.

[bigmamma236]

Only one month..but I feel like I have been searching for him my whole life..

[autumn1790]

...do you see how wrong this looks? You guys have only known each other one month, yet you want to move in together..? No offence, but you're entrusting your life, privacy, and well-being to a practical stranger. How do you know for sure you're actually compatible? You guys are already fighting and disconnecting. How do you know he's not after your assets? Rushing the relationship is a huge red flag. Have you ever met in person? How old I he?

[bigmamma236]

Thought about this idea, and I'm not fond at all of "ghosting" anyone..so I will not do this to him..it would break my heart if it was done to me...

[TaraMarie]

You've "known" each other for a MONTH! And he suffers from depression....and you are willing to move across the country? At 60 years old you should know better than to jump into a relationship with a complete stranger. Do you have children ? If so, what do they say? Does he? Same question. I am 53 years old and there is NO WAY I would change my entire life for a man I knew 40 days. What advice would you give your daughter -best friend-mother, given the same situation? You should slow down, imho.