New here and wondering what the hell I am doing...

[kate04]

Hi
I have been lurking here for a while and now's the time to post.
I'm a UK based female and my SO is a USA based male. We are both in our 40s, so no spring chickens and we both have children that are still fully dependant on us.
We met by chance at the beginning of the year and neither of us were (consciously?) looking for love at all... just a fling and time passing, I suppose.
However... we have never experienced anything like this at all. We are best friends, we talk about anything and everything, we are honest, we laugh, we turn each other on insanely. I don't even know how it happened. We were both in marriages where there was zero connection and very little (no) passion. We feel like we've hit the jackpot.
But (of course there's a but)
What on earth are we doing?
I am here; he is there.
We both have good jobs which we enjoy and our kids of course are our priority.
There are times when I have attempted to finish it, but it's so so painful we can't live not being in each other's lives.
I've wanted to finish it to guard my heart against what I consider will be the inevitable. He is less dramatic than me and says step by step. Chill.
Hmmm.
We haven't met and are planning to in the autumn.
We can't help but think this was meant to be, but when I think of the hurdles........! I know I shouldn't look too far into the future or I'll go crazy.
How does everyone cope?
I'm 'too old' for heartbreak and haven't got the luxury of time or space to grieve any potential loss and tbh I am scared to death!
Any psychics out there that can tell me how this will pan out?!

I feel better for having written this! I have told only one trusted friend and she supports me, but doesn't really get it. I'm afraid others will think I'm living a childish fantasy and it will come crashing down.......

Kate x

[Sunshinewings]

I really don't have any words of wisdom but we are the same age so I can kind of relate. At this stage of the game, we feel things on a more knowledgable level and can think through scenarios based not just on emotion, but on life experience and so on. We now have a gauge to go by. That said, I don't think it's foolish to hold out hope that this person could be it. I crossed paths with a man who lives in Scotland when I was 18 and he was early 30's. We became phone and pen pals, and then when he was due to visit he backed out, stating that he knew we would get on like wildfire and then what? He would go back home and I would be here. His life, kids, work are all in UK. As much as I hated to agree, he was right, but there was still that love and heartbreak. A few years later I was in Europe on vacation and I told him to come meet me and he did. We met in two different cities, and it was like something out of a movie, LITERALLY. But there was an end game, and as much as we care for each other, what it came down to was a beautiful fantasy.

I'm not saying that's the case here because you and your friend are in similar situations and there are only two outcomes; one, this is THE ONE and you take the leap and meet...or two, this is an escape from your respective unhappiness and an outlet to channel the pain that you really should face head on in the real world. I don't know you at all but I feel for you very deeply and really want to follow your story. I hope I helped. Sending much love and support.

[kate04]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
I feel a better today. I'm taking it one day at a time and in the meantime, getting on with my life. It's the last month of school here until my kids finish for the summer, so it's a hectic time and plenty to focus on.
I know I'll meet him. When? I don't know, but this autumn sometime..... that's the goal at the moment.

[TaraMarie]

I felt like you felt. So many times I thought it was hopeless. For years we did the long distance thing, although since we are both in the States it was much easier for us to see each other. But after 6 years of being apart I was so over it. I could literally see my life passing by, and I wanted someone in my life full time. He was always asking me to just be patient and enjoy our time together. We ended up getting married while we were still LD and it took another year or more for him to finally be able to move to me. It was a very long 6 years, but worth it for me. You have to decide if having him in your life part time is worth it. If not, you have to make a sacrifice and move to him or end it. Tough choices. We all face then.