Not sure if I'm cut out for a LDR

[13000km]

I met my boyfriend just over a year ago, we both weren't very keen on a long distant relationship, especially one with someone we've never met. We talked every day and discussed feelings for each other but refused to admit we were in a relationship until we met in December.

I'm the kind of person who needs quite a lot of physicality in a relationship, I like hugs. When I was there with him I could spend a whole day on my own while he was at work and I enjoyed spending time doing nothing together. But when we're not together physically I become a super needy person, so we text constantly throughout the day and get on skype every night. I don't really like that version of me, and I'm in the process of trying to keep the neediness under control.

Fortunately, he has been very understanding about my struggling with the distance. He does his best to make sure I know he's always there for me and reminds me that we'll see each other in a year. He's also a polyphasic sleeper (he was even before we met), he takes several 30min naps throughout the day, amounting to 2.5-3 hours every 24 hours. This greatly contributes to us being able to spend any time together, considering the 16 hour time difference. He tries to make me as comfortable as possible with the distance.

I still go into regular phases of doubt and insecurities, but reading the stories and advice on here has helped some. Do the negative thoughts eventually become less frequent? What measures does it take to be fully confident in the relationship?

[blusmama]

I feel you .... I am very physical too and I find that it makes it very hard for me to stay positive when I know I won't be able to touch or hold my bf for two weeks. I hate sleeping alone in my big bed.

[rivi87]

Yea I felt the same way as you when I started out...There is no doubt that LDRs are hard. Also about the communications piece I feel the same way. It surprises me but ive always been VERY independant but if I dont hear from my SO it depresses me. That being said it works both way and he feels the same. It kills us both that we cant see eachother more often but when we finally do the wait makes it more special . Basically if your SO is worth it...you will be cut out for a LDR. Good Luck!

[PaperbackWriter]

Good luck! And welcome to LFAD

[13000km]

Yea I felt the same way as you when I started out...There is no doubt that LDRs are hard. Also about the communications piece I feel the same way. It surprises me but ive always been VERY independant but if I dont hear from my SO it depresses me. That being said it works both way and he feels the same. It kills us both that we cant see eachother more often but when we finally do the wait makes it more special . Basically if your SO is worth it...you will be cut out for a LDR. Good Luck!

Yeah, isn't that frustrating? Where did my independence go? We're both new to the LDR thing, and my clinginess does get in the way sometimes. /: We won't see each other for almost a year, but when we do it'd be for a long time. I do believe he's worth it, and we're both very determined to get through this year despite my rollercoaster emotions.

I feel you .... I am very physical too and I find that it makes it very hard for me to stay positive when I know I won't be able to touch or hold my bf for two weeks. I hate sleeping alone in my big bed.

Staying positive...I've been told to remember how fortunate we are to have met, talk to each other everyday, etc. And to stop behaving/thinking like a spoilt little girl; focusing on what I DON'T have. Does having this mindset make it easier for you?

Good luck! And welcome to LFAD

Thankyou! (:

[Kiara]

My LDR is really new, just one month, but I was surprised by the determination that I felt when I wanted to start this relationship, in spite of distances. I don't know if all the other couples felt the same, but I think this being aware that he's the right one for me gave me the certitude that a LDR was worth it.

[Silviar]

When my SO and I first started going out, I was more than convinced it was a bad idea. Loving him I knew wasn't enough for a relationship, and since we're Australian/American, there was plenty of negative thoughts abound about the chances for success. The thing I learned is that if your brain can't be constructive with negativity - that is, if it can't be skeptical as opposed to a debbie downer, then your brain needs to be taught to think about the negatives in a logical way. And oddly enough, that helps, because then it's something you can quantify.

[blankita719]

I am the same in preferring a more physical relationship, but I find that this relationship (all almost 1500 miles of separation) is worth the lack of it. Personally, I feel like it gives us a deeper bond. Everyone has off days, and missing your SO doesn't necessarily get any easier, but the more you focus on concentrating on other things, it will be less glaringly obvious. So spend more time on YOU, and you may find that it is easier to balance your time together so that you don't feel as clingy and needy.

[rivi87]

Yea it really is..it surprises me how attached I have become to him and him to me...kinda scares me but not in a bad way its not what im used to :P me and my SO are the same being as we are in the military in different places and to make it worse he's deploying soon its going to be awhile but we are both in it despite all this. The next year won't be easy. But it will definitely be worth it for sure when its all said and done and we can end the distance...wish you the best!

[13000km]

Thanks for all the feedback, you guys.

@Kiara, I feel the same determination (most of the time). I'm not a firm believer of "the one" but I do believe in how much we care for each other and that part's worth it. Does that make sense? /:

@Silviar, I need to work more on making my brain think what I want it to... heh.

@blankita719, that's one of the things I have trouble with, balance. He has to regularly remind me to accept invitations to hang out with my friends. /: But you're right, having to get to know each other with the distance has brought us closer; one of the few pros of the distance.

@rivi87, Talking about being scared, I never took relationships seriously before this one, and the meeting online + falling in love + maintaining a relationship with no physical contact seriously intimidates me. You and your SO sound incredibly emotionally strong. I wish you guys all the best too!

[Butterfly]

Hi, welcome! Believe me, I am right there with you when it comes to missing the physical contact.. It can be really difficult.. I mean realllllyyyy difficult some days lol. I hope you find this site as a great source of support.

PS: Very interesting about the polyphasic sleeping! I've never heard of that. How can I get my SO into that?

[nic&matt]

I never thought I would EVER be in a LDR, but I just found the right guy. No explanation needed!
I'm not sure if you do this or absolutely hate this, but one tip I have is to workout. Being very active (in cardio) burns off and lets off lots of hormones that store up used for physical needs. You wear out your body and mental state enough that you really don't feel as needy as you think. It sucks to start out running a mile or two but then it's almost like you become addicted and go all the time! I try to run and climb stairs everyday and it really helps me! When you feel really needy or down, please give it a try! It won't be automatic results but if you stick hard (5-6 times a week) for 3 weeks, you'll see what I mean, I promise!

Good luck on the LDR. They are hard and you always get negative or doubtful thoughts, don't worry. We're all here to support you and give you any advice or encouragement we have!

[8000miles]

Hey. So to start polyphasic sleeping.. you've just got to jump right in. Buy a blind fold thing and make sure you hit EVERY nap RIGHT on the dot. If you're lenient, you'll never make it. And 6 half hour naps isn't for everyone.. some people sleep 2,3,4+ hours at a time, then take fewer naps throughout the day. The first week SUCKS. It is SO hard to wake up. And it takes a few weeks before you're really settled in, so if your SO ever did start polyphasic sleeping, you'd have to be SUPER supportive and really, they should probably have someone there in person (perhaps one of those friends who stays up until 6 am anyway..)

If you really are interested in polyphasic sleeping, just google. Lots of blogs and online communities!

[13000km]

I never thought I would EVER be in a LDR, but I just found the right guy. No explanation needed!
I'm not sure if you do this or absolutely hate this, but one tip I have is to workout.

Good luck on the LDR. They are hard and you always get negative or doubtful thoughts, don't worry. We're all here to support you and give you any advice or encouragement we have!

Thanks! It's nice to talk to/read about people who actually UNDERSTAND.
I do hate working out. /: I'm waaayy too lazy. I try to walk more nowadays though, so I feel like I can actually MOVE and to prevent gaining more weight than I already have.

I have found another release though! I was trying to learn how to play a guitar from my boyfriend JUST before my trip there ended, and continued practicing some when I got home. Somehow that turned into an interest for the ukulele. He recently bought me one O: and I've been learning a couple of songs on it. It's made a welcome distraction for me, but I do think he now kind of wishes I'd put it away and pay attention to what he's saying. Heh.

@Butterfly, Thank you! And I hope what he said helps! (: