Howdy LDR. Got any advice?

[karlmg]

Hi there everyone. My name is Matt and I saw this website and have been reading it and such at it very well written. Recently I went from being single (for a very long time) to trying to make a relationship happen. There is a long back story and I am very inexperienced with dating....period. So I feel I should ask some people who have tried to make a LDR work.

Basically we are both in the Navy and have known each other for nearly a year now and have been friends for a quite a while. When I first meet her I thought she was very pretty but the problem was my military roommate thought so too and me being the nice guy I was said OK and tried to step back. Didn't want to but I'm just to nice of a guy sometimes I guess.

Anyways they dated for a while but I had a feeling she didn't really like to date him. She didn't like him to pay for everything etc and other such signs. Even when they were dating she would sneak into my room and lay on my bed to hang out with me. I acted cool and tried to keep things as the were because they were dating. Anyways they broke up a while ago. Since he was still my roommate and would be for many more months I stepped back from them both.

After a while we got to talking after they broke up a month or so after wards and started hanging out again on and off in our free time for about two months. I always thought she liked me but I wasn't sure. After spending an entire day together I decided maybe a should say something. Well I chickened out but a friend of mine kicked me in the butt and said if you can see a possible future with her tell her or you may regret it. So I took her out for a quick dinner the following Monday night and told her how I felt. She said she felt the same way and all. However the catch is that she was leaving for Hawaii in two weeks and I would be going to Texas in a few months. She asked with her leaving if it was a good idea and I said "I believe it is worth trying otherwise I wouldn't of said anything." she said OK and it has gone from there. Since I knew she was leaving in two weeks I tried to make the last week kinda special by seeing her every night for an hour or so.

On her last weekend before she left I rented a hotel for us to spend the night in overlooking the Ocean. Brought flowers, candles, strawberries and melted chocolate. Watched some TV and hung out nothing to crazy. Most women I know like to have guys chase them and such and when they bat your hand away and such they are just acting hard to get. I didn't plan on sleeping with her but I diffidently wanted to play around a little because I find her so attractive. Nothing happened and I hope I didn't push to hard. I asked her the next morning if she had had a good night and she said she did. Like I said I am very new at this. I got sick the week she was leaving and she was busy with testing and getting ready to leave that we didn't see each other until a day before her last school day and she seemed happy. That Saturday I took her to the airport and dropped her off and I really wanted to kiss her but with me being sick it didn't seem like a good idea. Not sure if that was the right thing to do any ideas anyone?

Anyways she is now at home on leave before leaving for Hawaii and I have text-ed her often to stay in touch. Thing is I am always the first one to send a text and such. I call her sweetheart but she doesn't really respond in kind. I can't even get her to respond to my texts today. She is with family so she may be busy but I don't know for sure.

Any ideas of how I have done and what I should do?

Thanks.

[Mio]

I don't know, every woman is very different, and some like things slowly but steady. I think that maybe you can try this same type of contact that you have a t the moment, and in a week or two you should ask her how she feels in the relationship, and where does she sees it going too. If you want to have a relationship with her you should both be on the same page. I hope it goes good boy!

[karlmg]

Hey thanks Mio.

Were both similar in the fact that we don't get into a relationship on just any whim. But being on the same page is a good thing for me to keep in mind. I will remind myself more often to be calm and takes thing one step at a time. I figured I should schedule a kind of phone date soon and play a question game or something maybe. Or truth or dare. Something like that should be light and easy.

[Rach321]

Keeping things light and easy at this point seems like a good idea. And it certainly seems like from what you've described that she's interested.

But like Mio said, you should directly ask her sometime in the near future if she wants to pursue a romantic relationship with you. It can be a little corny (and difficult) to say "Will you be my girlfriend?" But something along those lines would not be off-base considering your history together. She might be the sort of woman who wants to hear it directly from a man before she really wants to commit to a relationship. Best wishes to you!

[karlmg]

Thanks for answering Rach. I will diffidently keep that in mind.

Our history is odd I won't lie about that. Everyone we know said they saw us dating long before we even knew. Heck one of the first things she said to me after I told how I felt and such was that she always liked me more than my roommate hence why she was always in my room, which I kind of figured but it seemed an odd thing to mention.

She has already called me her boy friend on a few occasions. But then she won't call me sweetheart or anything in return. I dunno why exactly I might clarify it with her in a week or two. Any suggestions on that?
I just find it odd is about all. She may just be a girl who doesn't feel comfortable saying that until she knows she is in love. No big deal just most girls I know aren't like that. Which is one reason I like her so much.

As for the romantic part it is kind of tricky and I am trying to consider ways to get things to be romantic if shes interested and such, due to our situation.
When we had the first weekend together I made sure to clarify with her how long she wanted to wait before sex and assure her I wouldn't pressure her, like I am sure my roommate did. She is rather innocent to the topic of anything sexual it would seem though.
The reason I say that is because after I clarified that I asked her as lightly as I could what she thought about messing around. She looked at me real confused and I clarified with "you know oral sex". She looked away and I think was kind of embarrassed. She had no reason to be embarrassed and I wasn't sure what to say. Reality is she wouldn't even have to return the act I just would like to make her feel good. It seemed a good idea to ask her those questions since we both already knew how the other were virgins and such.
The fact that she wants to wait before having sex for a while is fine for me. I can wait for her, after all we both have waited a long time what is another 6 months to a year maybe longer isn't going to change me in all that much.

[karlmg]

Okay got a quick question. If our relationship does possibly turn romantic how do I keep things interesting but not sexual? I have heard the usual things like massages, nice dinners, trips and things like that but are their other things we can do in private that she would enjoy that would be romantic and enjoyable, but not sexual?

I have thought of thing such as playing music for her (I play a little guitar which I can improve upon) or taking her horse back riding in Hawaii something I know she has done at her home. She likes golf but I am not going to mention how likely I would hurt myself and others in that escapade lol. The web site certainly gave me a few good ideas that I feel are interesting. Truth or dare on a lighter note and such.
Any ideas anyone?

-Matt

[Caitlin2009]

Okay got a quick question. If our relationship does possibly turn romantic how do I keep things interesting but not sexual? I have heard the usual things like massages, nice dinners, trips and things like that but are their other things we can do in private that she would enjoy that would be romantic and enjoyable, but not sexual?

anything that comes from your heart is romantic, poems, little notes, offline messages, ect

[karlmg]

First on a light note I would like to say that I have discovered that absence makes the heart grow fonder for sure. I just hope she feels the same way lol.


Anyways all I guess its time to update things and ask some more questions.
Our relationship is coming up on its first month and this is where everything is at:

-She is still at home with family on leave and won't be leaving for Hawaii for at least another week.

-While at home she has been staying busy and enjoying herself which of course makes me happy knowing that she is happy. However because she is so busy, among other things, our only contact is via text message everyday which can be spotty sometimes. I truly wish it was more. Where she is living at is out of the way and cell reception is poor at best, also her home phone she said is just as bad. Not going to lie I really want to hear her voice but that hasn't happened.

-Our contact via text has been OK. Conversations have been light and most of the time it consists of me saying "Good morning angel, how has your day been?" and a few responses before she is busy doing something again. She has sent me some pictures when I asked which made my day for sure. However I am still the one initiating all contact via text still which bothers me slightly. I guess I feel like that cause it makes me feel like I'm the one thinking of her constantly, which I am, but maybe she isn't thinking of me. Is that a normal feeling and if so how should I address it?

-Also I wanted to set up a question game with her where we both come up with a whole bunch of questions that we can ask each other ranging from silly to serious. She seemed intrigued and she agreed to play the game, I even said her sister can help her with questions for fun which she seemed to like. However the last few times I have asked whether she has come up with any questions she has said she hasn't had a chance. Its been over a week since then and I am thinking of just maybe sending her some of my questions to see if that gets the ball rolling maybe. Any advice?

Comments?

Thanks
-Matt

[karlmg]

Well all ends that was well I guess.

Turns out she couldn't do the distance thing. Not going to lie it hurt quite a bit and not because of it ending, but rather how it ended.
She couldn't say it to me. She said she didn't know how to say it and didn't want to hurt me because she considered me a good friend, so she had her friend call me on her phone and tell me.
Wow......still can't believe it had to go down like that. Her friend assured me I had done absolutely nothing wrong. I feel I didn't do anything wrong but I can't still help but be angry at myself even a little.

I was nice to her friend. I didn't yell or anything. All I could say was I how I couldn't understand why she felt she couldn't talk to me and how even though it hurt and cause of how it happen this way I wouldn't hate her. I even said I put her happiness first but that I hope she would call me one day soon and talk to me about it.

I dunno I think I handled it right. It didn't even take her more than a few hours to change her status to single and make comments about other things she was doing. Obviously she had been thinking about it for a while it seems....and yet never said a thing to me. I haven't even heard her speak more than a sentence over a phone for a month plus now because it wasn't possible.

Hopefully it will work out. Really sad it didn't but I hope I will become better from my experience as limited as it was.

I wish all of you the best of luck and I hope you find your love of your life. Cause I'm now done and out for a little while before I will stand up and try again.

Best Regards,
Matt
Zero for Five, Maybe the Next one
"Limited in his nature, infinite in his desires, man is a fallen god who remembers the heavens."

[kissoflife61]

Don't know if you're still on the site, but...
I'm sorry that this happened to you, and I wish you the best of luck in finding love. It's out there, I assure you. I found it, and you will too!