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**Jgui** · December 3, 2011, 04:02 AM

Thanks for sharing the article, it's very eye opening and to the point. I'm turning 26 this month and I feel as if I went from age 16 to 25 in blink of an eye. There are mistakes in my life I've made that I wish I could change, but at the same time it shaped to me become who I am today. While everyone else was in college getting a degree I was working. While everyone graduated with a BA/BS, I'm just starting. But on the bright side I know excatly what I want to do with my career path. I think I basically did everything backwards.. =/

#3 on the list is something I feel EVERYONE should keep on their back burner- don't rush! Don't settle for anything less than what you're worth.

**Dziubka** · December 3, 2011, 05:30 AM

I'm not 25 yet, so maybe by then I'll know something else. But something I've learnt from friends that are older than me and from life is that, there's no need to "figure things out" by a certain age.
Yes, it's nice to have a clear direction in life, a good job and a steady income and a foolproof retirement benefit plan. But if you don't have any of those by 25 or even 30, that's not the end of the world. I'm not saying you should lie on your back and do nothing. It's obviously important to get education, have some kind of goal to work towards and not be stuck.
But there's no set age by which you have to figure things out and settle down. There's no reason to fall into a crisis, because you're 25 and don't know what you want to be when you 'grow up'.
I still feel the need to justify myself when people ask what I'm going to do with my degree ("your mum" / "get another one"

), but I'm slowly learning that I don't have to do that.

---------- Post added at 11:30 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:30 AM ----------

I'm not 25 yet, so maybe by then I'll know something else. But something I've learnt from friends that are older than me and from life is that, there's no need to "figure things out" by a certain age.
Yes, it's nice to have a clear direction in life, a good job and a steady income and a foolproof retirement benefit plan. But if you don't have any of those by 25 or even 30, that's not the end of the world. I'm not saying you should lie on your back and do nothing. It's obviously important to get education, have some kind of goal to work towards and not be stuck.
But there's no set age by which you have to figure things out and settle down. There's no reason to fall into a crisis, because you're 25 and don't know what you want to be when you 'grow up'.
I still feel the need to justify myself when people ask what I'm going to do with my degree ("your mum" / "get another one"

), but I'm slowly learning that I don't have to do that.

**Engel** · December 3, 2011, 08:58 AM

I lol'd @ doing "your mom/making another one"

XD

**Pineapplebun** · December 3, 2011, 03:18 PM

Really good article! I feel like I can relate perhaps because I'm in my early 20's that I find myself always needing to justify that I too don't know exactly what I want to do for my career even after graduating with a 4 year degree but the last year was definitely an eye-opener in realizing the reality that many people go through the same thing, and don't find their true-calling right away. I'm starting to wonder if perhaps its around this age where most people find themselves with greater life experience, more maturity and therefore a more open-mindset that they begin this self-discovery/self-acceptance kind of thing. Also agree with the rest of the points...like getting out of debt xD Damn student loans:/

**dukes2011** · December 3, 2011, 06:14 PM

Great article! I'm in grad school kind of far from home and I'm always super stressed. I spend a lot of time talking to family and friends and people on here to keep myself sane. This article reminded me that a balance is the key to happiness. Sometimes I feel like having to go to grad school has made me put my life on hold, but then I couldn't get that job I love. It also showed me that there's no need to rush into marriage. My boyfriend and I will be happier if we wait and at 22 and 23 we still have a lot of growing up to do. Sometimes I forget that I still have a lot of life ahead of me and this article really grounded me. Thank you so much for posting!!

**thatgirllit** · December 4, 2011, 12:42 AM

Originally posted by Jgui View Post

Thanks for sharing the article, it's very eye opening and to the point. I'm turning 26 this month and I feel as if I went from age 16 to 25 in blink of an eye. There are mistakes in my life I've made that I wish I could change, but at the same time it shaped to me become who I am today. While everyone else was in college getting a degree I was working. While everyone graduated with a BA/BS, I'm just starting. But on the bright side I know excatly what I want to do with my career path. I think I basically did everything backwards.. =/

#3 on the list is something I feel EVERYONE should keep on their back burner- don't rush! Don't settle for anything less than what you're worth.

Me too! December 10th! Go Sags! And for awhile I was freaked out about what that meant...like I'll be 26...four years after undergrad...I should KNOW by now. Then I stopped to think about it...I am SO happy right now. A lot of people can't say that. And I definitely feel you on doing things "late." There is no time line...I don't even know you and I am so proud that you are getting a degree and investing is yourself. Seriously, sometimes I wish I had waited to get a degree and explored the world first...my time in college would have been a lot more "focused" instead of trying to figure it all out now.

Originally posted by Dziubka View Post

I'm not 25 yet, so maybe by then I'll know something else. But something I've learnt from friends that are older than me and from life is that, there's no need to "figure things out" by a certain age.
Yes, it's nice to have a clear direction in life, a good job and a steady income and a foolproof retirement benefit plan. But if you don't have any of those by 25 or even 30, that's not the end of the world. I'm not saying you should lie on your back and do nothing. It's obviously important to get education, have some kind of goal to work towards and not be stuck.
But there's no set age by which you have to figure things out and settle down. There's no reason to fall into a crisis, because you're 25 and don't know what you want to be when you 'grow up'.
I still feel the need to justify myself when people ask what I'm going to do with my degree ("your mum" / "get another one"

), but I'm slowly learning that I don't have to do that.[COLOR="Silver"]

Wise people...keep them around! Enjoy your twenties...you can't get them back!!! LOL at get another one...my mother would die a happy woman if I finally decided to go to law school.

Originally posted by Pineapplebun View Post

Really good article! I feel like I can relate perhaps because I'm in my early 20's that I find myself always needing to justify that I too don't know exactly what I want to do for my career even after graduating with a 4 year degree but the last year was definitely an eye-opener in realizing the reality that many people go through the same thing, and don't find their true-calling right away. I'm starting to wonder if perhaps its around this age where most people find themselves with greater life experience, more maturity and therefore a more open-mindset that they begin this self-discovery/self-acceptance kind of thing. Also agree with the rest of the points...like getting out of debt xD Damn student loans:/

See...already wise behind your years. They are calling it "the quarter-life crisis." It is supposed to affect a lot of people as they make the transition from adolescence to adulthood. I think for people who don't go to college it hit earlier and for people that do it hits not too long after graduation. LOL @ damn student loans. Yea...I've got them too, but not for long. Gonna hustle and get rid of them.

Originally posted by dukes2011 View Post

Great article! I'm in grad school kind of far from home and I'm always super stressed. I spend a lot of time talking to family and friends and people on here to keep myself sane. This article reminded me that a balance is the key to happiness. Sometimes I feel like having to go to grad school has made me put my life on hold, but then I couldn't get that job I love. It also showed me that there's no need to rush into marriage. My boyfriend and I will be happier if we wait and at 22 and 23 we still have a lot of growing up to do. Sometimes I forget that I still have a lot of life ahead of me and this article really grounded me. Thank you so much for posting!!

So smart of you and your SO. I think a lot of times it's college that forces us to feel this way. Like you have to have figured out everything you are going to do in life before you are 30. Live, learn...continue to grow!

**garnet** · December 4, 2011, 01:31 AM

Get Some Counseling - uh really? I didn't read the article, but out of context that sure seems like a bizarre thing to have on the list.

**CynicalQuixotic** · December 4, 2011, 01:41 PM

Originally posted by garnet View Post

Get Some Counseling - uh really? I didn't read the article, but out of context that sure seems like a bizarre thing to have on the list.

I don't know, I think it's good advice. Therapy is wonderful--having a trained, impartial third party listen to you and help you improve your coping mechanisms/outlook is pretty invaluable. I think everybody can benefit.

**Bethypoo** · December 4, 2011, 03:59 PM

I agree with all of the above. and I think this is especially important for women to read!

---------- Post added at 12:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:57 PM ----------

Originally posted by garnet View Post

Get Some Counseling - uh really? I didn't read the article, but out of context that sure seems like a bizarre thing to have on the list.

As odd as this sounds, it is a good think for everyone to do. Most people go through something that they should seek counseling for at some point in your life. It really does help. It builds on things you do well and finds solutions for things that you don't.

**garnet** · December 5, 2011, 01:10 AM

I absolutely could not disagree more about the therapy (especially in such a blanket statement), but since this is neither the time, nor the place, I will leave it at that.

**thatgirllit** · December 5, 2011, 05:54 AM

Originally posted by Bethypoo View Post

I agree with all of the above. and I think this is especially important for women to read!

---------- Post added at 12:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:57 PM ----------

As odd as this sounds, it is a good think for everyone to do. Most people go through something that they should seek counseling for at some point in your life. It really does help. It builds on things you do well and finds solutions for things that you don't.

I think is very true if you get a good counselor. I think there has been a stigma attached to counseling that has come to equate to brainwashing. That's not what it's about. I think it's about having someone to talk with and to work through feelings, emotions and ideas. I think these are generally things we try to do with friends, parents, or spouses. However, often they have their own problems and things that they need to work through or don't have the proper distance to be an effective listener. They way that I think of counselor in this article is kind of as a sounding board. Not someone to help you figure out that bad ish happened in your life and you need to find someone to blame, but someone to bounce ideas off of and just listen to you when you need someone to do just that...listen.

Originally posted by garnet View Post

I absolutely could not disagree more about the therapy (especially in such a blanket statement), but since this is neither the time, nor the place, I will leave it at that.

Earlier you mentioned that you didn't read the article...did you get a chance to take a look at it? I don't think that the author is recommending "therapy." I don't think she is advocating that you go find someone who will convince you, you had a tormented childhood and need to take your parents to court. I think what the author is saying is that often we all carry around emotional baggage (about lots of different things) that often prevents us from moving on with our lives. Sometimes just talking to someone about it is enough to help us move forward. I think the author is advocating that we as people begin to take as much care of our spiritual/emotional/psychological well being.

**garnet** · December 5, 2011, 06:20 AM

Originally posted by thatgirllit

I think is very true if you get a good counselor. I think there has been a stigma attached to counseling that has come to equate to brainwashing. That's not what it's about. I think it's about having someone to talk with and to work through feelings, emotions and ideas. I think these are generally things we try to do with friends, parents, or spouses. However, often they have their own problems and things that they need to work through or don't have the proper distance to be an effective listener. They way that I think of counselor in this article is kind of as a sounding board. Not someone to help you figure out that bad ish happened in your life and you need to find someone to blame, but someone to bounce ideas off of and just listen to you when you need someone to do just that...listen.

Earlier you mentioned that you didn't read the article...did you get a chance to take a look at it? I don't think that the author is recommending "therapy." I don't think she is advocating that you go find someone who will convince you, you had a tormented childhood and need to take your parents to court. I think what the author is saying is that often we all carry around emotional baggage (about lots of different things) that often prevents us from moving on with our lives. Sometimes just talking to someone about it is enough to help us move forward. I think the author is advocating that we as people begin to take as much care of our spiritual/emotional/psychological well being.

I have indeed read it now, and I still completely disagree with the counseling suggestion. I mean, it flat out says something about having enough distance now to maybe begin digging around in your childhood. That seems almost like, go, find something to be upset about! Find drama, go go!

What YOU, OP said however, makes a lot more sense. Find someone to talk to, have sounding board. That seems a lot more logical to me.

The piece had a very negative vibe to me, which I don't think was the intent. But then, I am not the target audience, as I am an old lady of 31 - and I've made my choices, am happy with them, at this point in my life. If it helps others though? That's great.

I didn't mean to come into this thread and be all down on the piece, it just didn't mesh well with me. Could well be a generational thing though. I'm nothing but happy if having read it does good for others.

**CynicalQuixotic** · December 6, 2011, 06:27 PM

Originally posted by garnet

I have indeed read it now, and I still completely disagree with the counseling suggestion. I mean, it flat out says something about having enough distance now to maybe begin digging around in your childhood. That seems almost like, go, find something to be upset about! Find drama, go go!

I think that's a really simplistic way of interpreting that section of the article, and this opinion does nothing for those of us who still have demons to sort through. It's not about "finding drama," it's about coming to terms with your past and being able to move on to a healthier mental space, and I've been hard pressed to find many people who have done that without some sort of outside help. There is a point where you have to let go of the past, yes, but devaluing a need to look back and re-evaluate one's past from a more mature and evolved standpoint is counterproductive and, frankly, repressive. There are millions of awful therapists out there (and I've been to them!), but they do not speak for talk therapy as a whole.

**garnet** · December 7, 2011, 04:38 PM

Originally posted by CynicalQuixotic View Post

I think that's a really simplistic way of interpreting that section of the article, and this opinion does nothing for those of us who still have demons to sort through. It's not about "finding drama," it's about coming to terms with your past and being able to move on to a healthier mental space, and I've been hard pressed to find many people who have done that without some sort of outside help. There is a point where you have to let go of the past, yes, but devaluing a need to look back and re-evaluate one's past from a more mature and evolved standpoint is counterproductive and, frankly, repressive. There are millions of awful therapists out there (and I've been to them!), but they do not speak for talk therapy as a whole.

You and I have had different experiences, both in our own lives, and in those around us. I said fairly early on that if this article helps someone, great - so I'm not quite sure why you're jumping on what I said. I can't even tell if you read everything I said, since I also mentioned that I thought it was a great thing when people do find someone to use as a sounding board, as the OP suggested.
It appears to me as though you are just looking to argue, and perhaps if you had a better understanding of what I was actually saying, you wouldn't be so quick to dismiss my interpretation as simplistic.
It really doesn't matter though. I have shared my thoughts with the OP, and have no interest in getting farther into this with you.

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