Ugh this is embarrassing =/

[killerkaytee]

Everyone here gives such great advice and I was wondering if you all could help me out. I plan on maybe using the free counseling service at my college, but since winter break it here I wont be able to until February. So for now I'm turning to here =)

I've began to accept the fact that I tend to compare myself to people or care too much about what they think of me. I just can't find a way to overcome it. I recenty told my boyfriend Chris about something that has been botherine me for a LONG time. I never told anyone because I felt so embarrassed because of how dumb it is.

Basically, I feel jealous (ugh I hate that word =/) of his sister because I feel like she is perfect and I feel very inferior to her. We are Facebook friends and that's where is started. She is SO pretty and seems to be perfect, she has a lot of friends she goes out with, and she is able to live with her boyfriend. This brought me down so much because of how badly I wanted those things . It became painful to go on Facebook because I'd see a status she posted or a picture she posted and it woud make me feel worse about myself. Meanwhile I was kicking myself because I knew I had no reason to feel this way. I know no one is perfect and has their share of faults but for some reason I made her up to be this amazing perfect personin my head and I felt like crap compared to her.

She deleted her Facebook a few weeks ago and I felt so relieved I wouldnt have to go on there and see and feel all those feelings. I figured maybe since it was gone I would stop feeling that way about her because I hated that I did. I wanna be her friend and not think that way about her. Friday I went on and saw she made another account and all those feeings came back again and overwhelmed me. I ended up breaking down and telling Chris even though I was so embarrassed. He reassured me she isn't perfect and I felt good to get it out, but now I wanna find a way to help myself love myself more and realize how great my life is, I just can't seem to get it through my head. I hope maybe once I meet her it will go away, but for now has anyone else dealt with something like this before?

[thatgirllit]

That's tough...it's his sister. Some thoughts...

1) "I feel jealous (ugh I hate that word =/)" That's good, because the correct word is "envious." Sorry...my inner word geek coming out.
2) I think that it's good (and important) that you recognize your feelings and are attempting to deal with them in a healthy fashion (i.e. talking with someone about how you feel...)
3) I think that it's also important that you have isolated the locus of your envy: a) that she can live with her boyfriend, b) that she's attractive and c) she has good friends.
a) I think you should evaluate (consider) how important your relationship with your SO is to you. If it was just about living with someone, anyone, couldn't you just end your relationship with your SO and begin a CD relationship with someone in your general proximity? What are the reasons that you have decided to stay in this LDR with your SO? Why is he (and the relationship) worth it? I think refocusing on why your relationship is important to you could help you to move beyond your sense of envy.
b) As I told greensweatergirl, you need to BELIEVE that your are thebomb.com. Not, KNOW that you should believe it, but actually believe it. There will be always someone with something we want or someone we think looks better than us. If it wasn't your SO's sister, it would be someone else. This really isn't about her. It's about you learning to love and appreciate yourself.
c) Do you have friends? Do you have difficulty making friends? What is this really about?

I think what is important for you to realize is that this has very little to do with your SO's sister. This is about you and your own feelings of inadequacy that you are projecting on to your SO's sister. For you to get past this sense of "envy" I think you need to do some self reflection about what you are really unhappy with in your own life and how you can making changes to improve the way you feel...ultimately benefiting not only your relationship with your SO and his sister, but the relationship you have with yourself.

[killerkaytee]

That's tough...it's his sister. Some thoughts...

1) "I feel jealous (ugh I hate that word =/)" That's good, because the correct word is "envious." Sorry...my inner word geek coming out.
2) I think that it's good (and important) that you recognize your feelings and are attempting to deal with them in a healthy fashion (i.e. talking with someone about how you feel...)
3) I think that it's also important that you have isolated the locus of your envy: a) that she can live with her boyfriend, b) that she's attractive and c) she has good friends.
a) I think you should evaluate (consider) how important your relationship with your SO is to you. If it was just about living with someone, anyone, couldn't you just end your relationship with your SO and begin a CD relationship with someone in your general proximity? What are the reasons that you have decided to stay in this LDR with your SO? Why is he (and the relationship) worth it? I think refocusing on why your relationship is important to you could help you to move beyond your sense of envy.
b) As I told greensweatergirl, you need to BELIEVE that your are thebomb.com. Not, KNOW that you should believe it, but actually believe it. There will be always someone with something we want or someone we think looks better than us. If it wasn't your SO's sister, it would be someone else. This really isn't about her. It's about you learning to love and appreciate yourself.
c) Do you have friends? Do you have difficulty making friends? What is this really about?

I think what is important for you to realize is that this has very little to do with your SO's sister. This is about you and your own feelings of inadequacy that you are projecting on to your SO's sister. For you to get past this sense of "envy" I think you need to do some self reflection about what you are really unhappy with in your own life and how you can making changes to improve the way you feel...ultimately benefiting not only your relationship with your SO and his sister, but the relationship you have with yourself.

Wow that helped A LOT. Thank you so much I really needed to hear that. I love my boyfriend very much and I stick with him because I believe that someday we wll get to be together, I guess I just wish I could have it now because it seems so far in the future. Also, I do have friends, but ever since high school, I feel like my close group of girlfriends has fallen apart and we aren't that close anymore and we don't get to hang out as much. I've wanted so badly that close group again and to know they are there for me and I just dont have that anymore. I really need to do some reflection and hopefully I can get past this and learn to love myself more. Thank you so much for your help =) It means a lot

[thatgirllit]

1. So you're with your SO because he's worth it. The relationship is worth it? Then the envious feelings you have about your sister's CD relationship are probably just fleeting. We ALL have them when we get frustrated or impatient...

2. The high school friends to college (or working) life friends is a tough transition for some people. Again, you seem to know what it is that is frustrating you. Now do something about it! Make an effort to reconnect with old friends or make an effort to make new friends. You are young and will grow (hopefully) and have amazing experiences...make friends that will grow with you.

3. Self-love. This is a never ending struggle...it's much easier to love others. Something that has helped me learn to love myself is having new experiences. Seeing how I react, feel, think...it has helped me to grow and appreciate life...my life. I don't know what you are doing (student, working, etc.), but you are so very young. I would encourage you to have as many growing/challenge experiences as possible.

I'm glad that I helped even a bit. Best of luck to you and your SO!

[killerkaytee]

1. So you're with your SO because he's worth it. The relationship is worth it? Then the envious feelings you have about your sister's CD relationship are probably just fleeting. We ALL have them when we get frustrated or impatient...

2. The high school friends to college (or working) life friends is a tough transition for some people. Again, you seem to know what it is that is frustrating you. Now do something about it! Make an effort to reconnect with old friends or make an effort to make new friends. You are young and will grow (hopefully) and have amazing experiences...make friends that will grow with you.

3. Self-love. This is a never ending struggle...it's much easier to love others. Something that has helped me learn to love myself is having new experiences. Seeing how I react, feel, think...it has helped me to grow and appreciate life...my life. I don't know what you are doing (student, working, etc.), but you are so very young. I would encourage you to have as many growing/challenge experiences as possible.

I'm glad that I helped even a bit. Best of luck to you and your SO!

I agree I think I need to challenge myself more. I tend to shy away but I'm really going to try and push myself now because I really do want to love myself. I really like to help people so I'll try finding something like that. Volunteer work? And to definately reconnect with my friends and open up more to the ones I have now. Thank you so so so so much this has helped a lot =) Best of luck to you too!