Please help!! In need of lots of advice! Military couples might be able to help!?

[8983MilesofLove]

I'm in need of some advice and help. I didn't know who else to ask.
Maybe military couples can help or anyone who has had a smiliar experience!?
I live in the UK and my boyfriend lives in Australia, we met there 3 years ago when I lived out there and have been in a relationship for almost 2 years, and have been doing long distance for almost a year and a half, since I moved back to the UK for University. My boyfriend just got a job with a mining company and the pay is so high he couldn't refuse it, the only problem is he went up north on Friday for 6 weeks, and he is literally in the middle of the bush for 6 weeks with no internet, no postal service and no phone reception (his phone doesn't work up there, even when they're in town once a week). I have absolutely no way of contacting him for 6 weeks and all I get is a tracking device so I can see where he's been everyday and so I know if he's ok or not. I was recently diagnosed with depression and PTSD and I feel this is just going to make everything 10x worse!! Before he left he said he didn't really want to go because he was worried about me, but his parents gave him no choice and I told him to go because we need the money and he needs this job as he has no qualifications. This is his only chance he has to get trained up and get a decent job and I didn't want him to lose it because of me. I haven't spoken to him in 4 days and I'm a mess already! I don't know how I'm going to survive another 5 or 6 weeks of this.
I'm worried that he'll forget about me and be too busy to even think of me, and I'm worried he'll find someone else up there. I don't know what to do or how to cope! I usually talk to him everyday! Has anyone got any ideas!?
Please help!

[Zephii]

He's in the middle of the bush working his guts out, I very much doubt he'll find someone else - especially being in town only once a week. The tracking device thing is cool though.
I don't think you have to worry so much. Minning is very hard tiring work, all he'll be doing is working and sleeping, it's not at all glamourous.
I know that six weeks is hard to get through at the time, but in the big scheme of thing it really is not that long. He wont forget about you either. Like most jobs, once you've learnt it your mind is free to wander. He'll think of you, worry about you, wish you were with him just like always.
I know this because Obi and I lost contact for a chunk of three months at one stage, (and there were a few other gaps of time too that we had no contact) and our love for each other didn't go anywhere. We couldn't talk at all, but I knew that somewhere on the other side of the world a little boy was thinkin of me. Now, years later, I have actually read his diary from that point in his life. I know he missed me just as painfully as I missed him.
So have faith!
In the mean time, just try to keep busy. Part of a healthy relationship is both people within that relationship being independent whole individuals, so you can use this time to nurture those strengths in yourself. Depression is a horrible thing, but we can not rely on our SO's to keep it at bay, we must have coping stratagies of our own. Don't give up and let it take over your life.
He'll come home, and you'll have lots to talk about. Don't sour that conversation by making him regret going, but try and make it into a positive experience.
Welcome to the forums, we're all here to support you.

[8983MilesofLove]

Thank you so much, I'm just so used to talking to him everyday, and whenever I want. It's so hard going from that to absolutely nothing. I'm thinking of writing him a letter and sending it to the longitude and langitude of their camp and seeing if it gets there...just for fun lol.
Thanks again

[xsomanymilesx]

haha i agree with zehpii i doubt hes going to get with somoene else - the only females around will be like mother kangeroos or something XD.
i have been in a similar situation, my ex went away for a month and we didnt talk apart from the odd text - but he was in Hong Kong so its like alot of money to text. i cried my eyes out but it does get easier and you get used to it!
keep yourself busy - make a routine so you dont spend time getting sad too much about him.
try not to worry - youve been together a long time and hes given you a tracking device? he must love you
good luck!!

[8983MilesofLove]

But they've got a female geologist with them
But yes, I know you're both right.
I have a friend coming over from aus this weekend to stay with me for 3 weeks so that should pass some time!

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I'm with Zephii. He's in the middle of the bush working a lot, it's very unlikely he'll meet someone new. As for him being too busy to think about you..........I know when the SO is busy with work, he tends to miss me more. When he's not so busy, he knows he can just pick up hte phone pretty much any time and talk to me. When he's out there working, he's thinking about what needs to be done, but it's always in the back of his head that he'd much rather be with me! Time away like that also makes us appreciate the time we can communicate that much more. He's technically deployed right now, they just sent his unit to a different base in a neighboring state, so I don't really consider it deployment, but the Army does...so block leave! But he's not able to call nearly as much, although we've still talked each night it isn't normally for long since he's so tired from being in the field all day. It's not easy, but I know when we do have time to talk....it feels much more special!

And you have to keep yourself busy. Don't give yourself time to focus on how much you miss him....it works for me. It's not that I don't think about him, or don't miss him, but when I keep myself busy I'm occupied with something and the hurt isn't quite so noticable. Good luck!

[8983MilesofLove]

Ok so it's just gotten even worse. Before he left I was told he would be able to call me at least once a week on his day off when he could go into town...I just called up his rents to find out if they'd heard anything from him because i haven't heard from him since saturday...and turns out he doesn't get a single day off over the next 6 weeks and he probably won't be going into town much!! I feel like i've been completely lied to and cheated!! His parents told me he would get a day off and so did he, and now his dad's saying he won't! His dad obviously knew he wouldn't because he is also in the business. I feel like they just told me that he would get a day off so he could call me, just so I would be ok with him going! And now that he's gone they've turned around and told me he won't get a day off, there's no way I can contact him, and I won't be able to talk to him at all for the next 6 weeks!!! ARGH!

[Zephii]

Well he deffinantly wont be hooking up with the geologist then he'll be too tired. There's always a bright side.
It is slack of them to have done that to you, deliberate or not, but it's only six weeks, you will both survive *hugs* Be strong mate, if not for yourself, then for him.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I'm sure they didn't purposely lie to you. He probably really thought (and really hoped) he would get a day off! So sorry! Think about how incredible it will feel when you do finally hear his voice though! [[i know i would be going crazy too not even hearing a goodnight from the SO for 6 weeks!]]

[Semperfikindoflove]

I know it's difficult but you two can really make it work if you want to. I've been in four military relationships. Three Marine, one Navy. I'm currently dating a soon to be Marine and my ex fiance and I broke up a little while back during deployment. Part of the thing you can't have in a relationship like this is the fear that you two could break up. You need to stay as positive as you can and remember that it will get better. He won't forget about you if he really loves you and from the sound of it, you two really love each other. You have to keep your head up and know that it is going to be ok.

I just went through 6 or so months of deployment and almost finished it with my ex. He cheated on me before he left, we moved past it and he recently told me that he no longer loved me after dragging the relationship out for months, dragging me through the most hurtful and emotional time anyone could go through. It is rough being that far away and having no communication whatsoever. Not knowing if they are alive, dead, but holding onto the hope that they will return home to you soon and you two will be able to spend your lives together. We were planning a wedding but in the end we both had our doubts. Don't let those control your relationship because it will make it very difficult on the both of you. Stay strong and keep your head up!

If you need anything please feel free to let me know!

[Rach321]

I know how worried and upset you must be, but don't let the jealousy monster get you. In reality, as others have said, if he doesn't have any time off (my SO is overseas and works 10 hours a day, every day for the next year). The last thing he is thinking about is finding someone new. I don't get to talk to him very much, but he does tell me that he misses me more and appreciates me more than he ever did before.

One thing I've found is that writing helps with the missing him part. Keep a journal that you can write in when you miss him and want to tell him something. It's not the same as also knowing what's happening with him, but it does help. Six weeks will go by faster than you think- just keep yourself as busy as possible!

[8983MilesofLove]

Hey everyone, thanks for all the advice!
Good news: A couple of weeks ago he called me when he managed to go into town, and he can now go into town once a week and he can call me off the satellite phone, but only for a couple of minutes at a time. We've also been sending letters to each other as I can now send letters to him C/O the local post office, and he sends me one every time he goes into town! It's so good to hear his voice again, and I now have something to look forward to and aim for each week to help pass the time.
Bad News: He has to stay up there an extra 3 weeks because the drillers are so behind. Although it means a lot more money (which we so desperately need), I was looking forward to having him back in a couple of weeks and now i've got to wait a few more I actually have no idea how i'm going to get through the next month. *sigh*. I just wish we could have a reasonably 'normal' relationship. We've been doing this LDR thing for nearly a year and a half and it's truly wearing me out. I just want everything to go back to normal like it was the first few months we were seeing each other (when we lived in the same city and just 15 minutes from each other). Oh well, I guess we've just gotta keep pushing forwards. I know it's sad to wish your life away...and I wouldn't usually do it...but I honestly can't wait for this time next year when he'll hopefully be moving over here until I finish Uni!!

[8983MilesofLove]

Here's an update.
He got back home yesterday and he's coming over to stay with me for a few weeks end of this week!!! I'm so happy and excited And SO glad this whole work thing is over!

[MadMolly]

Yay! That's awesome. See, you did it!

[8983MilesofLove]

Closed