Please give me confidence

[dreamcream]

I'm going to be meeting my ldr boyfriend for the first time after 7 years. He is in UK and i'm in Canada. My parents do not approve of him so I'm finally planning on meeting him without their knowledge. I will be telling my parents that I'm going to meet my best friend/relative in the usa whereas i'm actually meeting my boyfriend in UK for 3 nights. My mom will be dropping me at the airport as she always does on most trips. Normally when I do go on a trip my parents hardly call to ask where I am until my flight is returning so hopefully they won't call me or my best friend/relative to make sure I arrived safely.

My issue is that I'm scared to death because I've never lied to my parents before. Even though whenever I travel I just tell my parents that I'm leaving and they are fine with it, however, this time i'm freaking out thinking that somehow they will read my mind and know that I'm lying to them. Since I bought the ticket, I can't concentrate on my job or studies. I am having sleepless nights because I've very excited to finally meet him but nervous at the same time about my parents finding out.


Please give me confidence that this will work out so I can stop freaking out and enjoy my last month without worrying.

[Zapookie]

What was the reason for telling them that you're going to the US instead of the UK? Is it because the US is closer? Could you not have said it was a best friend in the UK? Because that is somewhat truth.

I'm sure it will work out with you and your boyfriend, but I'm not so sure about the not telling your parents thing. I personally would tell my mother even if she didn't approve. I usually am upfront with my mother as to what I do, and if she doesn't like it or doesn't approve, well she needs to deal with that because I'm 20 years old and I'm entitled to my own life and own opinions, as is she.

Sorry if this isn't very helpful, but I'm not sure what else I can say, as I don't really think lying to parents about where you're going is a good idea. If something were to actually happen to you, they have no way of contacting you unless its via the internet, because I assume phone numbers are different in the UK than they are in the US.

I just hope it all goes well for you. Best of luck.

[CynicalQuixotic]

These are two very serious and not at all snarky questions: How old are you? What's the worst that can happen if your parents find out?

[dreamcream]

I'm still new to the forum and everything I typed got deleted by mistake

zapookie thanks for your support. No I can't tell them I'm going to UK because they know he lives there so it's easier to say the USA. My best friend also my relative lives there and she will be in contact with me the whole time.

cynical I am 27 years old. I know you will find it weird that I still need my parents permission. It's a cultural thing. We can't leave out parents home until marriage and until then we have to follow their rules.

[Ianthe]

Oh man...well, the rebellious teenager in me says "Rock on, girl!" and the mom in me says "ohmygod" because if my child flew off to meet somebody without my knowledge, I would absolutely die...but neither of us are under the cultural restraints you seem to be.

PLEASE, let your friend in the US be reliable and keep in constant contact with you. PLEASE have a set in stone plan with her, in case the worst happens to you, and she can't get in touch with you. Please have a backup plan/funds in case things don't work out with your guy. Please realize that even if you have a great time there, your parents may well find out you lied...and make sure you know what to do, if that's what you come home to.

I know that I sound like the doombringer, I'm sorry! I hope you have a fantastic time, really. Things will work out, no matter what happens.

[dreamcream]

Hi Ianthe thanks for ur reply

I am not concerned about travelling on my own nor the the ability to support myself. I am only going for the weekend and I have booked my hotel and everything for 2 days or 3 nights. I am leaving Thursday evening and returning Sunday morning. I will also have my cell phone on the whole time, so my family/friends could still contact me.


I am just trying to think of all the possible ways my parents can find out so i can have a backup plan ready. I'm actually indecisive at the moment. I think i am going leave all these thoughts behind until the week of the flight. I'll just make an impulse decision the last week if I want to go or not!

P.S not related to the topic but I love this forum. I wish I found out about this LDR community. It is bigger than I thought and their are very sweet caring people here. Hopefully i'll be able to post more often once i'm done with this trip lolz. ie if i do go!

[krabuzh]

SInce you have bought your ticket and prepared for everything related to it, no reason to feel scared anymore..
I will just say: GO!

I can understand your situation to follow your tradition with family. But you are an adult and grown up woman. You also have your own right to decide your future and to take any decision.

My question, in this 7 years of your relationship.. Why your SO never came to visit you? Well.. or at least tried something to make your parents accept him. And also there must be a reason why your parents don't approve him.
My advise.. if you two really serious with your relationship (which I reckon yes you both are, considering 7 years of relationship) then do your best to make it work and also get your parent's approval! There will always be a way but not in a negative way.

Good luck!

[dreamcream]

krabuzh thanks for your support.

The reason my SO hasn't come to visit is because of his nationality. It would be very difficult for him to get a visit visa approved, whereas, I don't have to worry about that.

I never went to visit him because of the same reason. My dad doesn't approve of him. We have been trying from years to get my dad to agree but he is being very stubborn. My SO's family has called my dad several times to give him a chance to get to know them, but when they called he was very rude to them so they stopped trying. He doesn't even have a reason to say no, except the fact that he is my dad so he has the right to decide my future (as per his books). He wants me to marry his choice. When I disagreed to that he said that I'll have to spend the rest of my life alone. I told him when I was 24 years old. Now i'm 27 turning 28 in a month. I thought he was just saying it for the time being and when he'll see how unhappy I am in my life he'll change his mind, but it never happened! I am just so fed up of my life and have gone into major depression. This is the only thing i'm looking forward to so that I can finally decide what we both want once we meet up in person.

Sorry for the long reply

[krabuzh]

Ah I see.. Now I understand your problem better now.
Having a family disapproval is one of the hardest thing in a relationship, especially for those who have a strong family bonding.
But as long as you still believe and have faith in your relationship, there will be a way. *nods*
Just never give up and be patience. The time will come..
It's also a good thing that your SO's family has tried to make a connection with your dad.
But as you said.. better and it is the BEST option.. you both meet first. From them you can decide what to do as the next step. hope the best and you can send me any message if you want to talk, though.. Good luck! *hugs*

[dreamcream]

Aww thanks Krabuzh your so sweet

Well my SO and I are counting down the days now! I'll let u know how it went when I get back. Just pray my parents don't find out heheh

[Yaaamiii]

There's not much more I can say because its already been said but...good luck!! You've got guts! Safe travels.