How can I get him to be more romantic?

[Hololz]

As the little bar at the bottom tells you, I have been with SO for almost 3 years (^^)

During the first year he was increadibly romantic. He used to write the sweetest messages, tell me the sweetest things. Once he even surprised me with a beautiful necklace, just because!!

I understand the honeymoon period is over, but I think now were 3500 odd miles away from each other that its even more important we make each other feel special. Im not asking for him to send me diamond rings and bouquets of flowers. Just the odd "Good morning, I love you" text would suffice.

I have spoken about this with him already and didnt beat around the bush (for want of a better phrase! lol). I dont bring it up often.

He said: He doesnt like giving "disposable presents" except food (He gave me 2 roses during the first year of our realtionship), He dosent want to text me in the morning incase it wakes me up (different time zones) and that he doesnt like writing love letters. Theres some chocolate I miss from home and asked if he could send me a packet, he replied with, "I cant be bothered to wait in line at the post office..."

I know this is only a small issue in our relationship, and in many other ways he is a great SO. This is just something thats been bugging me for a while now. Its actually starting to make me feel a bit "taken for granted" if you know what I mean? (before you ask, I have surprised him many times whilst we've been apart - I sent him a care package, postcards and a t-shirt. I used to send him good morning texts but he asked me to stop because sometimes it messed with his alarm.)

Should I just leave this issue alone now or is there anything else I can try to give him a little push? :P

Thanks

[Riyko]

Tell him, how would you like it if i poked you with a fork, when he says it hurts tell him that's how i feel because you don't really do romantic things for me anymore (bad example, but it's what popped into my head). Tell him i love when you do romantic things for me and surprise me, but it doesn't have to be all the time and you don't have to buy anything. Tell him even a good morning and i love you text in the morning from time to time is nice, or even sending me an ecard, making me a slideshow and emailing it to me ect, it shows me you care and miss me. Also tell him even plan a romantic evening for us on skype by watching a movie together and eating dinner together with the lights dimmed.

[nomnom_elf]

can't be bothered to que at the post office?? sorry, but that sent alarm bells ringing. if he can que in the bank for his wages, or in line to buy some new clothes he should be able to commit the same paitence to sending you a lil something. as riyko says, it can even be via online to save "time" on his part.

why not get him to set up a online blog that you can both use. or use them cloud-online file sharing things to send /recieve pics etc. i think you need to raise the issue again hun, just to be sure he's still 100% and not just giving excuses. also i think you should withold any future gifts and see if he starts to miss them; then respond saying you miss his romantic ways.

old proverb- you cannot miss something until its gone.

[Alemap]

...and that he doesnt like writing love letters. Theres some chocolate I miss from home and asked if he could send me a packet, he replied with, "I cant be bothered to wait in line at the post office..."

These are completely rubbish excuses for not doing something that you have clearly expressed is important to you.
Lazy, and selfish.
I reccommend pushing the issue, and if he isn't willing to budge, then I'm sad to say it's starting to look like a case of HJNTIY.

[kiara_silver]

For me in the past, i've asked for specific things. My SO is already really romantic, but there were times in the past where i wanted things from him. I think being blunt is good. For me I ask during holidays, because then there's more of a reason and push to, besides the reason of you love me. I asked for a letter for our first valentines. And for Christmas I asked him for a shirt of his to feel close. With long distance, you really do need these gestures sometimes, and it doesn't seem unreasonable to ask for some extra loving gestures. But I also feel they mean less if you bug constantly or nag. So I would suggest making it clear and telling him again, and then not bring it up for awhile. When I struggled last year, i had to vent, i think venting is also good, let everything out at once and really lay everything on the table. Tell him exactly how this makes you feel taken for granted, and less appreciated. Talk until you work out a compromise, even if its something small as a text goodnight? Since he doesn't want to wake you in the morning. Since he didn't like any of your suggestions, ask him then what can he do? Talk and work a compromise. I hope everything works out and goes well!

[elina]

The "I can't be bothered to wait in line at the post office" reaaaaaaally really bothers me as well. I'm sure it doesn't take hours to do it, and it's not like you're asking to do it weekly or anything. I kinda can't believe someone would say that to someone they love O_o If my SO had asked me to send something, I'd probably have been down at the post office the next day

I've noticed that just asking for something doesn't always work I've asked him to get me flowers quite many times now but he won't do it.. for whatever reason. And there's a flower shop right around the corner, so it wouldn't be that much of a problem to get some and surprise me while I'm at work one day or something. I'd love to get some and he should know it by now, but I guess he's got his reasons

But yeah.. maybe you should try and face him again.. maybe asking if he's noticed the difference in himself. Not being bothered doesn't sound nice. And maybe try and open his mind a bit more, that it doesn't have to be anything "disposable", just something from the heart. There must be something romantic he wants to do.. it's you, after all O_o Should that not make him want to do at least something.. if he's done stuff before :s Something's not right..

Sorry, I probably wasn't much help.. but let us know how it works out and.. good luck

[Hololz]

Thanks for the responses guys

As an update, he actually text me this morning after a little push the night before last It made me smile, and I replied telling him so! Step by step I hope...

I will talk to him in person about this after christmas when I get to see him again, theres actually quite a lot I want to discuss with him :/ but this would be a good starting point for the discussion. (I dont like talking about big issues over skype, because its too easy for tempers to flare up). Im tempted to see what he comes up with as a christmas gift... lol

I dont want to nag about this because as some of you said, things arnt as special if you have to actually ask for them, but I guess its about trying to plant the idea in his head. I havnt sent him anything (present/postcard wise) for a while now as it was clear he wasnt going to reciprocate the gesture anytime soon, but obviously he will get xmas gifts.

For those of you that dont know our story: CD for 8 months, LD for 6 months after I moved for college, CD for 4 months (he moved to a college in the smae town), LD for 3 months (Over summer he had to stay at college, whilst I was at home), CD for 9 months (College) and now LD again for 6 months so far (Im in the USA on an internship). I noticed I first stopped seeing his romantic side after he moved to uni with me, but I figured this was just becuase we replace "romatic gestures" with going out for a meal or watching a film together you know? I think being LD again he may have forgotten how to actually BE romantic, I know hes busier with work and things, but so am I.

Kiara_silver: We dont tend to text each other goodnight because we will generally speak before he goes to bed. I asked him to send me an old T-shirt of his, but he said his mum had thrown them all away and he wears all his other ones so couldnt part with them... Hmmmm

Elina: I feel the same, If he asked me for something I would send it asap! I actually ordered his xmas present the day he asked for it. He forgot what I asked for, even though I sent him the link at the same time he asked for his... Im not going to send it again because if he orders it now it wont arrive in time for xmas, (but my birthday isnt far away so I might ask again then lol).

Thanks again! I'll try to keep you updated!

[DarkStarrx]

Oh dear I need help with this too. I've just grown up to be an independent girl, who never wanted to be one of those girls that relied on others for my good feelings. I think I am a hopeless romantic at heart it's just accessing that? Like he wants to cuddle intensely all the time, and I just gah, idk I also can't fall asleep like on top of him or even spooning. I get too hot and I'm an insomniac so he hates when we don't go bed at the same time. I don't know, I'm trying to be more romanticky. Any help?

[rsvpnj]

If anyone can figure out a surefire way to do this, please let me know... My SO claims to be super romantic... haven't seen evidence of it in years... I was told to give what I want to get... tried that and he acknowledges that he's bad about it and that past girlfriends have said that same...

[LeilaniJoi]

Some guys are just more romantic than others and yes the honeymoon phases wear off and then you are left with the real deal. Just remember, the person you fell in love with hasn't changed, he's just more secure in the relationship and doesn't feel the need to "win" you over and over again. Also remember that just because someone doesn't love you like you want them to (with romance and roses) doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have.

[Sierra]

My boyfriend isn't super romantic so I try to lead by example. I mean, I love doing things for him and on our last trip I brought him flowers. I'm hoping he gets the point that small gestures are appreciated and go a long, long way. He did send me a great card not too long ago ... I just wish, well he were more romantic. I think the distance makes it hard though.

[Sharon Q]

Okay my SO doesn't like writing letters so what I did to make it less of a hassle for him is I went out and got a journal.
you can write

-quotes
-poems
- thoughts

Just anything you want to express you could even draw and put pics in it.

My SO said he likes it and wouldnt mind if we went through a few of them.

and the " I cant be bothered to wait in line " is bull. I'm sure he has some days where he isn't busy all day, hell the USPS will let you ship it from your house. and small things you can send in bubble wrapped envelopes so there really is no excuse for this.

As for the letters try the journal thing.

[elizabethjp2010]

try being more romantic and see if he fallows! maybe he just needs a nudge

[sarahsmith]

I often feel this way too. The romance only seemed to last for the first year. But although romance is nice, you just have to remember that romance does not equal love. And some guys aren't as romantic as others. They may express their love to you in other ways!