Overcoming Insecurities

[Mikraken23]

The worst news you can receive from your SO is that they've been trying to kill themselves for the past few days. Well that's the news I received from my LDR girlfriend today. Her whole life she's felt inadequate; her family doesn't love her and only talks to her when they want something or want to yell at her, her dad's a self-centered asshole, and her mother favors her other two sisters (she does special things for my girlfriend's siblings and leaves her out, even refusing to take her to the doctor after her sisters have already gone). She's never had a best friend and has dealt with bullies frequently growing up. This is why she told me that these things were related to her, "not feeling good enough for anybody."

I'm doing everything I can to make her feel valued and cherished and to feel at least a hint of how much she means to me. I know I mean the world to her, and she means the world to me. Ironically, the more valued and cherished she feels from me, the more inadequate she feels in her everyday life at home, making things worse. This makes her act on her insecurities by either pushing me away because she feels "not good enough", or by attempting suicide. It seems I'm both the problem and the solution, but both of us need each other more than ever.

Does anybody have any advice for a situation like this? A breakup isn't an option because it doesn't benefit either of us; she saved me life and gives me something worth living for, and if she loses me in her life, that's simply going to push her over the edge. We're both in this for the long haul.

[leonsfangirl]

Long story short,She needs professional help.

Keep supporting her as best you can but she needs more than you can give her.
How old is she?

[squirrelz15]

I agree, she needs to get professional help. Be there for her of course, but there is only so much you can do. Even if you lived close by, I would still say she needs to get professional help. I'm sure she's a wonderful person, and a professional will know how to help her see that.

[uniquefem]

Sorry to hear this.. yes its a worse news that you get from your SO.

Obviously as previous suggestion here i would suggest you the same thing, ask her to get some professional help. I don't know i tend to feel bit angry to people who waste their life... sorry

I loose someone that really love to live his life and hearing someone who try hard to loose it really.. doesn't make sense for me... so yes i think she need help with the pro to made her realize that! as long as she had two eyes that work, and all body parts work normal she shouldn't feel bad about her self.

There are million people out there who can not see, walk, talk or hear had bad illness that they loose their hair or counting days left... but they happy to be alive and try to live to the fullest. Happiness is about accepting but anyway.. i thnk you already said this to her as well..

Best good luck from me!

---------- Post added at 09:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:48 PM ----------

Sorry to hear this.. yes its a worse news that you get from your SO.

Obviously as previous suggestion here i would suggest you the same thing, ask her to get some professional help. I don't know i tend to feel bit angry to people who waste their life... sorry

I loose someone that really love to live his life and hearing someone who try hard to loose it really.. doesn't make sense for me... so yes i think she need help with the pro to made her realize that! as long as she had two eyes that work, and all body parts work normal she shouldn't feel bad about her self.

There are million people out there who can not see, walk, talk or hear had bad illness that they loose their hair or counting days left... but they happy to be alive and try to live to the fullest. Happiness is about accepting but anyway.. i thnk you already said this to her as well..

Best good luck from me!

[Sierra]

I can really relate to your girlfriend, and I want to say I've gotten to the point I'm at today by being in therapy for now almost 14 years.

I have an extremely damaging family and a very abusive relationship with my father who is a diagnosed sociopath. In the end, it came down to me feeling worthless. I mean, completely worthless, and I didn't know how to change it. My family still treats me like garbage even though I'm an adult and I frequently feel like I'm going to lose my mind, or that a nice stay in a mental hospital would be a favor to me. But it's not an option.

Sometimes our families are so damaging that we have to put up walls to protect ourselves and we have to do so without guilt. She has to learn how to do that.

I also want to say, the closer my boyfriend and I get, and the closer we get to closing the distance, the most desperate I feel in my situation. I'm miserable, and not to the point of suicide, but I'm sure if I didn't have my boyfriend and my therapist, I would have by now. My boyfriend does a great job at making me feel WORTHY of his love. He shows me how I deserve it, and how I deserve to be treated and he tells me that I shouldn't be treated poorly. As he's done this, I've realized he's right, and my home situation hurts me more and more.

Here's the thing though, we (general we) cannot rely on our SOs to rescue us, this makes for an unhealthy relationship. We have to establish boundaries and protect ourselves emotionally on our own and not be codependent on someone else. Yes, she needs to know that you'll always be there for her, and always are, and it sounds like you are, but you also need to encourage her to take the steps to protect herself regardless, and it's going to be hard and hurt her and cause drama, but she has to do it on her own. And she can. I did.





I just want to say to the poster above me, you saying as long as she can see and she's healthy she should be happy. This is something extremely damaging to say to someone who is having a hard time coping emotionally with any problem. While yes, YOU may see things different, we all are presented with a set our challenges in our lives and nobody's challenges are worse than the others. To suggest that telling someone who is going through a really difficult time right now that it "could be worse" is probably one of the worst things that can be said to the girlfriend as she obviously already feels bad enough to want to end her life and saying things like that can cause someone to close off and not feel supported, which I'm sure is the last position that she should be put in right now or is the OPs intention.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Agreed with the others, she does need to seek professional help. It would help her in both the short and long term. And I think Sierra's post is pretty spot on too, she's right.