right age to marry?

[ashleecarol]

For members still in LDR :
- at what age do you think you will get married ?
- at that age how long do you think you will be in a relationship with your SO for ?

We will probably be married when we are 24. We are both finishing up our degrees. He has another year (maybe year and a half). I have two more years. We will be going on 23-24 by then. We are both currently 21. I mean, honestly, I want to get married ASAP...but I want to have a beautiful wedding. Can't have my dream wedding without some $$$...and we both lack that currently. We've been LD for our entire relationship of almost 8 years and we want to get our lives together personally first before we think about bringing them together. If you can't handle yourself, you can't handle another person as well. By that time, we will have been dating for 10-11 years.

[kiara_silver]

For members still in LDR :
- at what age do you think you will get married ?
My So says 20, 21 lol
So this is what im going with, i feel mentally ready, and Im stubborn. So I refuse to let my SO go lol So with our plans, after this next year of being together, we want to close the distance and start a life together. I'm meeting his family in a few months. And well be spending time together in person for most of the year. And im thinking that he's going to propose when there, but idk! It's exciting though knowing he is, but not when.

- at that age how long do you think you will be in a relationship with your SO for ?
By then it will be 4-5 years together

[Babypuppy21]

I don’t know if there is really a right age to marry more a question of readiness, on the part of the individuals involved. I’m 21 and I would marry my SO tonight if I could, in saying that I’m fully aware of the responsibilities that come with marriage and also understand that it’s the start of our life together. I’d like to think I’m a fairly practical and reasonable person and don’t have notions of marriage being some fairytale with rainbows and unicorns it’s hard work but if both persons are committed to making it work it should.

[Engel]

Personally, I don't feel it's a good idea to get married without having lived with one another beforehand. Why? Put simply because it's easy to say you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you never see.

I agree ^.


_____________

Marriage is as serious as a compromisse can be, and I don´t take it lightly. I never really wanted to get married before, but me and my SO always knew someday we would or get married or break up. But I would never get married without living together for at least, at the very least, 6 months! Under the same roof, that is, no time appart during those months, though the ideal time would be at least a year, and we did that, plus more months, so It passed my requirement.

All that because I never want to get divorced, its not for me. So I had to make really positively absolutely sure about the marriage and about us.

We will get married in jan, the 26th, the day of our 3 years anniversary. I turned 23 yo in october and he turned 25 yo in august. I never thought I would get married so young, but for us is right, we have been through a lot, and even if it is me saying, we deserve to be together and happy, and we want to spend our whole lives together and have a family, and at last but surely not least, we love eah other so very much, for us it is simply the right thing to do.

[Kiara]

I have always thought I wouldn't get married before the age of 28 or something like that. But after I met my SO (1.5 years ago) things changed and now I feel it might happen sooner! I mean, we are still 23 and we both believe that first we have to finish our master degrees, find a stable job, and be able to sustain ourself. So, as we are 23 right now, it might hapen in 3 year. By that time we would be both 26 years old, together for 4 years. Ahhhhhhhhh, I love to think about this topic!!!

[aaron stone]

Hey Aggie,

Sounds like yall are on the right track. Clearly he takes the relationship seriously since he wants to be able to provide financially.

I don't think there is any "right" age to marry, I'd say it comes down to the maturity level of the couple and also how serious the relationship is. For example my parents got married in their 30's while my wife's parents got married in their early 20's.

For alumni:
- how old were you and your SO when you got married?
- how long did you know each other/ were in a relationship when you did ?

- My wife and I finally got married at 29.
- We were in a relationship for 11 years.

it does seem a bit long in our case but LDR does make it hard to get married, had to wait until we were both done school and working. I'd say it is different for everyone since over the past few years many of our younger friends have been getting married...

[ChibiFelicia]

For members still in LDR :
- at what age do you think you will get married ?
If all goes to plan next year which would make me 27 and him 33.
- at that age how long do you think you will be in a relationship with your SO for ?
we'll have been together 3 years

Just a thing to add i guess. I understand the whole living together before getting married and on one hand i'd love to do that. But culturally i cant and i dont believe in it (i guess im a lil confused lol). I just dont think because you lived together before getting married means a more of a chance of being with that person forever per say. For me i believe that no matter whether you lived with them before or not, an arranged marriage or whatnot, a marriage requires a lot of hard work and if you both want it to work then you both have to put in the effort.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I don't think there's a right age, as long as you and your partner are ready and willing to make the commitments of getting married. I do think, however, that 16-17 is a little young but that's just my opinion.

[aggie]

Thanks everyone so muuuuch! I love to hear your opinions, made me calm down a bit and not stress too much about the timing. If I wasn't studying what I'm studying I could do a bigger research on that.

It really helped a lot, made me realise that I truly may be the romantic/ slightly irresponsible one in our sort of LDR.
Now that aaron stone mentioned the parents, it may be that I have been watching my parents together now for 22 years and they got married when they were just 20, after knowing each other for 2 years and being together for a 1.5. Mind you, they were JUST at the start of undergrad course, and soon after they had me, and they were doing fine. Financially and so. I think that was what made me believe that early marriages can work out and my mum/actually all women in the family, may be putting some pressure on that note too. Then again, it was over 20 years ago, and I guess times change...

[13000km]

For alumni:
- how old were you and your SO when you got married?
We closed the distance, but we're not married and not living together. He lives in another city, but only 30 mins away. We did briefly consider the marriage-for-visa route, but it would have been hard, not having the finances and not being emotionally ready. Being CD has helped us grow stronger individually and as a couple, I believe that there isn't a right age to get married, just a right point in the relationship.

- how long did you know each other/ were in a relationship when you did ?
We plan to get married end 2013, he will be 24, and I will be 23. By then we will be in a relationship for 4 years.

---------- Post added at 12:02 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:02 AM ----------

For alumni:
- how old were you and your SO when you got married?
We closed the distance, but we're not married and not living together. He lives in another city, but only 30 mins away. We did briefly consider the marriage-for-visa route, but it would have been hard, not having the finances and not being emotionally ready. Being CD has helped us grow stronger individually and as a couple, I believe that there isn't a right age to get married, just a right point in the relationship.

- how long did you know each other/ were in a relationship when you did ?
We plan to get married end 2013, he will be 24, and I will be 23. By then we will be in a relationship for 4 years.

[Kerry]

for me, I think it's best to wait to get married until everything is in place. I don't want to do it on a whim. I want to be established as does my bf. he will be moving up here and before we get married he needs to have a job up here. hopefully within the next year or year in a half. it looks like I'm in the minority here but my bf and I will not be living together before we get married.

[princessmeg1328]

My SO and I are planning on getting married in 2014. It's something that we've thought a lot about. We lived with each other for about 4 months this summer which isn't nearly as long as either one of us would have liked, but we wanted me to be able to go back over at some point. When we get married in 2014, I'll be 26 years old and he'll have just turned 37. At that time, we'll have been together for 4 years.
I don't think there is a right age to marry. It has to be something that feels right for both you and your SO at the same time. It takes some people longer than others to end up in the same place at the same time.

[Sierra]

For members still in LDR :
- at what age do you think you will get married ?
- at that age how long do you think you will be in a relationship with your SO for ?

What age do I think I'll get married? I have no idea because I haven't been asked yet. When I was younger, in my early twenties I was engaged, but I, thankfully, broke it off. Now I'm 27 and I feel like I'm emotionally ready to get married, but that there is no perfect age or time.

How long will I have been with my SO for? Hopefully awhile! I do not ever want to rush into marriage. I think it's important to spend time getting to know the other person, both through our LDRs and in person. I would never marry someone I haven't lived with for a significant amount of time, or someone I haven't gone on vacation with for at least 7 days. (lol, silly but important to me).

If I marry my boyfriend now, I'd like to think it'd be in a few years. I'm planning on going back to school, he's working on his career. When I we close the distance we'll have been together for a little over a year. I'm not in a rush to get married, I just want a chance to be with him.

[efish1042]

Personally, I don't want to get married before I'm 23 because I keep Tricare from my dad until then (yay free medical!)
But I don't think there is a right or wrong age. It's when you're ready and committed.
My grandmother got married at 18 and celebrated her 50th anniversary just before she died.
I am 18 now and I don't feel like my SO and I are ready. I feel like we can get there one day, though... and this is after almost 3 years of dating. I honestly can't predict when I will get married, but I know it will be after I turn 23 so at least 5 more years.

[MonandTue]

I think you'll know when it is time for you to get married. You'll just know, just like how you know that person is the one.

I guess it really boils down to your definition of marriage. For me, marriage means having children (along with the responsibilities of finances, chores, IN-LAWS, etc). So that mean I'll have to disagree with some of you that said age isn't a factor. Age is a factor if you want biological, healthy kids. On average, women begin menopause in their mid-40s. If I marry in my mid-30s, 1) I wont have as much as kids I'd like and 2) there are more birth complication 3) your chance of having a healthy, normal child diminishes with age 4) I'd be old by the time my first graduates school and 5) I don't know if I'll even be healthy enough to see that child have kids.

A lot of people who marry young (18-21) complain, they'd wish they married older like in their 30s. But I have seen an older couple, a man in his 40s, who worries about his 2 year old, saying that by the time his 2 year is 20, he'll be 60. And retirement is..what 65? He worries about making his child take care of him and worries that he can't be around long enough to have grandkids.

For who knows how long we'll live after we get married? Some people will live longer, some people won't. Heart diseases, colon diseases, cancer..these things pile up as we age. And if you're living with sick elder in-laws or living with your sick elderly parents, there is also responsibilities of taking care of them too and having to deal with their losses with your young child. Yes, marriage is stressful but I believe moreso if you marry when you're older because of health, fertility and longevity reasons.

For me, my biological clock was calling and now I feel like it'll be too late by the time I marry. I'll just have to deal with birth complications later, I guess. I never did wanted kids, but that biological clock of mine, got me thinking....

Well my SO and I have discussed vaguely about marriage but I know that I wanted to get married before 30 (if I wanted kids, that is) but it's not going to work at this rate.

We had planned for two years...By then I'd be done with school and hopefully have found a job. I'd be 28 and he'd be 29 (and I would haven been with him 3 years). But at this rate, it could be four years? So I'd be 30 and he'd be 31 (and I would have been with him 5 years). Or even 5 years, 31/32.

My concern is having children. Since I'm in a LDR, marriage would be closing the distance (living with him before marriage is a no no in my culture). However, I don't know how long that will be. If I marry, I don't want kids right away. I want to enjoy my time with my So before I do pop out children, but if I do that route, I would be in my mid-30s and I want to stop having kids by the time I'm 35. So I might just end up with one or two kids. But if I marry and pop out children right away, the tolls on my body will be harsh. I have to choose to have kids or not. It's hard... I have discussed this with my SO too and he reassures me vaguely I'll be fine since I'm healthy but with all the horror stories of birth complications with my peers, I'm not all consoled. I'll have to have a more thorough and concrete discussion with him later.

Well if you're not thinking of having children, I guess this wouldn't be an issue. But if you are, then I think this adds onto the perspective of when it is the right age to marriage.

But overall, I think it just depends on your instinct, whatever that may be (mine was my biological clock).

Sorry this wasn't much of a helpful post