Frustrated!

[worthyoflove]

Need to vent/advice about if he's even interested.. The distance isnt even that much and we still only see like once a month. He's only invited me to his place once. I got really frustrated last time when we are both on break and he still only stayed for 2 days and couldn't tell me what he had better to do. I asked him if it was ever going to be any more than what it is now, which he completely turned around and it turned into an argument to see who could make the other person feel worse. I don't know what he wants, I can't read him. I'm just frustrated!

[Sierra]

Sounds like you guys need to find a better way to communicate. How far is your distance? What is keeping you guys from seeing each other? You said that he's only been to see you once, what about you going there?

I know that I was in a relationship that wasn't really long distance, he lived about an hour from me, but we only got to see each other a few times a month. His schedule was so busy because he was learning a new trade and I was very supportive of that. It was hard for us to see each other for extended periods or to even sleep at each others places because either I'd have to go to work or he'd have to work 12 - 14 hour days.

You say you can't read him, honey, you don't have to read him, ASK HIM what he wants.

[worthyoflove]

He comes down once, maybe twice a month, its about 3 hours. Has only invited me up once. I asked him last time he was down and he turned it around saying well sorry im a shitty bf and dont do what other guys would do. I think he's just used to not having a gf and still wants to do whatever he wants.. I just fee like i only ever see him when it's convenient for him.. and now that we are on break its not like we are busy at all..

[Sierra]

Again, it sounds like you guys really need to find a way to communicate. If he's getting defensive and saying things like 'well I guess I'm a shitty boyfriend' you're probably coming at him in a way that makes him defensive.

Try another approach. Like 'Hey babe, you know I love spending time with you, can I come see you?' You don't need to be invited, you can be forward and ask. If you feel like you need more time with him, ask for it. Tell him you love him, you understand that he's busy but can't he make time to see you?

[liv4cause]

You know, you're probably right there. It takes a while to get used to having someone in your life. I know I was a lot less communicative to start out with and very hesitant to make any moves or give more than I was used to. It is a huge change and perhaps he is finding that hard to adjust to. Give it time. Instead of criticising that he doesn't initiate visits enough or make more time for you, try really focusing on the positive. Thank him for coming and tell him how much you appreciate it. Tell him maybe that you know it's a change from being just one person and one schedule. Make sure he knows you're understanding and don't pressure him too much. Eventually he will realise the shift is not all that difficult and he will start to make more of his time. It is so so so frustrating now, I know. But I am sure it will get better if you really show your appreciation when he does make time for you. You may feel like that is giving him too much credit for something that should go without question.

[Engel]

talk with him, dear. i know everybody says that over and over again, but it is repeated because it is the truht:

Talk to him! ask what he is thinking, you cant read his mind. communication is the key.

[worthyoflove]

Thanks everyone.. I spend new years with him.. he was really sweet... only the second time he's invited me to his place.. I had a lot of fun and met his friends..
Sierra - we still haven't told each other we love each other haha.
-Does anyone think its weird that this has been going on over a year and he's only invited me up twice? (It's only 2 hours) It's not like we're busy.. He only texts, he's never called.. I just feel like he's not as into it as I am and it SUCKS!!!!!!! I don't know if I should get out of this now and try to save myself some heartbreak or not, i really dont want to.. I love him and don't want to lose something that could be great but its just soooooooooo frustrating! I love hanging out with him and miss him so much and he acts like this doesn't even phase him.. which frustrates me even more!
-everyone says to talk about it but he changes the subject and I guess I dont know how to put into words what I want to say.. when i say its frustrating not getting to see him he just says i know it sucks but its not like i can see you every day.. I get nowhere

[Mara]

You need to be very direct about how you feel and where this is going. I'd write him an email if you have trouble getting your thoughts together or putting what you want to say into words; that way you can revise and edit as you go along until it's exactly how you want it.

If he doesn't feel the same as you, this is as good as time as any to find out. No sense in dragging out the inevitable, but it may just be that he doesn't need as much face time as you do. Some people are okay with only seeing their significant other now and then. I'd just be direct, tell him how you feel, and then ask him how he feels.