Family not understanding an LDR

[dukes2011]

I'm home on break and I don't have any work for almost 2 whole weeks so I can actually drop everything to talk to him, but his family is not getting it. He lives with his parents and one younger brother and the other younger brother is home from college, so they're all about doing family stuff right now. I love that we're both family oriented, and I think it's great they want to spend a lot of time together.

I'm frustrated his family is not very understanding when it comes to an LDR. His parents are always interrupting when we're on Skype and asking him to come down and watch a movie with them because he's been holed up in his room a lot lately. It really hurts me since we don't get nearly as much time together as they do. Dan has expressed this to his family, but they just say "family first" and that I'm not considered family. We've been together since August 2008 and we both go to family functions when we can, but it's not always easy to work it out time wise.

They say if I really wanted to be a part of the family that I'd come home from school more often or just fly in to see them (he's 2 hrs from my parents) , but it's just too expensive being a grad student. I have unpaid internships to get clinical hours and I can't get a job because of the time I must devote to them. I have money in savings and I'm trying to keep it there so I don't have to take out more loans from the bank. Dan has been flying up to see me since he's the one making money. I feel terrible I can't travel to him, but he understands and always tells me school is my priority right now. I love him so much and I am frustrated his family doesn't see it. I am driving down there in a few days, so I hope they see that I'm trying and doing the best I can. I'm really scared I'll lose it if they say anything negative.

Does anyone have a similar issue where your SO's parents aren't understanding? How do you deal with negative comments?

[Sierra]

My situation isn't quite like yours, but I think it's similar and my boyfriend keeps it from me to not hurt my feelings. I have not met my boyfriends family yet, and I don't know when I will, other than hopefully before I move there. I know my boyfriend wasn't comfortable with telling them how we met, and I respect that as not everyone is willing to accept relationships that begin with people meeting on the internet.

My best advice to you would be to be patient. I understand where you're coming from, with your frustration and your fears. My boyfriend is extremely family oriented and it's one of the things I love about him, he plays games with his family every Monday night and that's their time together which I respect and would never impose on, I could only hope to be a part of in the future.

LDRs aren't easy, we all know this, especially when it comes to managing time. I would maybe say to him that it would mean everything to you if you could spend some extra time together over this holiday vacation since your schedule has been so insane -- see how he responds.

I'm sorry that you guys have been together for such a long time and his family is still not respectful of your relationship. I can only hope that this changes with time. Just try to be respectful and weather the storm and hopefully they'll see what a wonderful person you are.

[dukes2011]

I'm glad to hear of someone in a similar situation! I met my boyfriend in person, but it took a long time for him to tell his parents that I'm Catholic. Dan also has an anxiety disorder for his whole life his mother has sheltered him from situations that make the anxiety worse. I have helped him cope some through learning how to deal with things instead of just avoiding them. When I was down in Virginia over break, she seemed more distant but his dad is becoming more accepting. Both of his brothers understand and I'm grateful for their support. I'm hanging in there and being respectful even though it's hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes. Thanks for your reply and best of luck to you meeting his family. I'm sure they will also see that you're a wonderful person, too. I'm really excited that you're closing the distance soon!!