Preparing for him to leave...

[ladyhayduke]

My boyfriend, Dylan, is leaving for New York in about 2 weeks. Previously, we had decided that we were going to definitely give long distance a shot, but now, I'm so nervous that I'm going to lose him.

The other night, he told me that he loves me, but he's not "in love" with me. I said "Well then, why do you want to have sex with me, kiss me, hold my hand?" And he said because he "likes" me. Then proceeded to say that he loves me deeply, that I am the most wonderful person he knows, that he doesn't know anyone else like me. I'm like...isn't this "romantic" love? He kept throwing out that term "romantic." That he doesn't feel "romantic" love for me...but in my mind, "romantic" love is loving someone deeply, feeling a deep connection, and being sexually attracted. And still wanting to kiss that person, hold hands, etc etc etc. He said our love is lasting...he used those very words! What is going on in his head? Does he not know what love is? Does he want to be infatuated with someone?

He said he doesn't want to break up. He would be willing to give himself time. He said he can't stand to let me go, and knows he would regret it sooner or later. He's afraid of not being enough for me, and I'm like, honey, I've had a crush on you for SIX years (didn't actually say this aloud), and to hear you say those words is amazing. I don't need someone to be crazy infatuated with me, all I want is him.

I should note that I dropped the L bomb last week. He said he loves me too, but now is clarifying that he means it differently. He said he's so grateful that I said that..but I feel like this mess wouldn't have happened if I had said it. So now I'm regretting it.

Last night, I told him that there is no pressure for him to play catch up. I realize that people's feelings develop at a different pace--I've had people say "I love you" and I haven't felt the same, but it wasn't the end for us, and we gave it time before jumping ship.

I guess I'm just nervous in general. Nervous that since Dylan can't see a goal for us, he wants to take extreme action. Or that he is completely overwhelmed. Last night, he did say that he is confused and doesn't really know what he feels.

I feel like I should give him some space, but I love him so much that I miss him whenever I'm not next to him. My instinct is to hold on hard so that he doesn't go anywhere...but I know that I can't.

What can I do to help him? Do you think there's hope for us?

[Slats]

I haven't experienced your situation, but what I would do is give it time, perhaps a few months. Move on with life as usual, see if feelings grow on his side. I don't know if that would be the right move to do at all, but I would feel that's all that I can do.

[lucybelle]

Really only the two of you can decide if you want to embark on a LDR. LDRs are hard work, and if both of you aren't fully committed to making your relationship last, it won't. That being said, LDRs aren't the worst thing in the world. If you two truly want to make things work, then you'll find a way. There's plenty of couples on here who have. Best of luck.

[floridaellen]

Just give him time and see where the relationship heads.
LDRs are hard but they are worth it if the couple is meant to be.

[Alemap]

It sounds like he's confused and isn't sure what he wants, and is scared to make a decision.
Only you can decide what you can do with that, but I would be on my guard; "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," tends to be an elaborate way of saying, "I like and respect you, but I'm not passionate about you," which is a very bad sign.
I hope he sorts his head out soon, and the result is in your favour.
*hugs*
Best of luck.