sad

[anlgp]

I guess I don't really know where to begin. I don't know if it's because the season, if maybe I'm just having a rough patch of days due to anxiety or depression, if it's the holiday time, the break from school and no job or what, but I've felt an overwhelming sense of sadness the past week. The only thing that I wanted this Christmas was to see my SO.. I had some money from school that I was meaning to bring up to see if it would be possible we use to to see each other (was also mainly going to stick in savings for a car but i got to thinking real bad about not being around her and well..), but before you know it that had to go for living expenses (and it was a lot of money).. I don't have a job but have been trying. I got an interview that never went through past that, but at that point I was just happy to have an interview because mostly I just keep applying and checking but get no interviews.. or 1/2 the time responses.

Like every couple we've got our issues and we do our best to work through them and there are just times where a hug or snuggling or just being around in silence would go wonders. Usually, it doesn't bother me all that bad, but for some reason it's getting to me more. In addition, I've got a lot of stress outside the relationship that just seems to pile on (don't it?) and that doesn't help things either. I do my best to keep the two separate, but admittedly sometimes I can let it affect things it shouldn't.

I slept real bad last night and I'm just hoping this day isn't going to be as long as I think it's going to be

edit:

rachel, if you read this, i love you.

double edit:

i guess mainly the point of this is just.. lonliness around the holidays.. other stuff is just, well, rambling.

[Sierra]

I can really sympathize with you. I've been dealing with a ton of outside stress in my life and it's taking a toll on me, emotionally, and my relationship. The thing that upsets me is that because of the distance, my boyfriend doesn't really know how upset I get, nor can he help me. It causes me to worry a lot about closing the distance.

I do my best to wake up and put on a smile every morning, I go through my day and I'm so happy when it's over. I'm basically counting the months until I'm out of this hell hole that is my life right now. I'm stuck in a bad job but I can't leave because of my field and the economy.

I know it sounds cliche, but it'll get better. I know I've been through dark patches in life before and they do, always get better. The holidays are really hard for me. All I want to is to spend them with the man I care about but he's in another state. He tells me this is the last year we'll be apart for the holidays and that makes me so happy, but it doesn't make me any less lonely now.

Long distance relationships are a lonely road we walk alone, with a ghost by our side. But we have to remember the ghost is a person who's always there for us. I hope things look up for you soon.

[anlgp]

Thanks for your reply, I figured that this would be a good place to post this because I know it's something everyone here can understand. I've already gone to my SO with all this stuff. A lot of it she is incredibly patient with and it does not need to be re-iterated, and the same with all my friends. I'm trying and all I can do is keep my best foot forward and be confident that I'm a good person and a good boyfriend and I deserve to be happy and smiling...

I'm sorry you are in a bad job, I hope you can find one that makes you happy and eventually be in a better place yourself.

[Sierra]

Thanks for your reply, I figured that this would be a good place to post this because I know it's something everyone here can understand. I've already gone to my SO with all this stuff. A lot of it she is incredibly patient with and it does not need to be re-iterated, and the same with all my friends. I'm trying and all I can do is keep my best foot forward and be confident that I'm a good person and a good boyfriend and I deserve to be happy and smiling...

I'm sorry you are in a bad job, I hope you can find one that makes you happy and eventually be in a better place yourself.

I do that here too. I try not to how my boyfriend how down I get, I know he knows I miss him and I wish we were together. I know he gets just as lonely, he tells me the difference is that he's busy so the time goes by quicker for him. I try to focus on what's ahead of us, our future.

When I get sad I imagine the future we dream about together and it gives me hope.

Being in a long distance relationship to me is the loneliest thing I've ever done with another person. I miss him so much, all the time. It's relentless. I wake up reaching for him, I go to sleep longing to be in his arms. I'm lucky enough that we get to see each other every other month so I focus on counting down the days until we see each other again.

Do you and your SO have special days together? This really helps me. Once a week my boyfriend and I have an edate. We have xbox live so we watch something on Netflix together or play a video game together. It's really important time to our relationship and it's become something we both cherish. When I'm having a bad week I just count down the days until our edate.

Another thing, that last line of what you said ....

I'm trying and all I can do is keep my best foot forward and be confident that I'm a good person and a good boyfriend and I deserve to be happy and smiling..

I can't tell you how often I feel like that. I feel like because of my life experiences I am damaged goods. The truth is I'm not. I've found a wonderful person now, and I know that he could do so much better than me, but you know what, he chose ME, he sees something in me that he wants to be around all the time. So did your girlfriend, don't forget that, she's fighting for your relationship too because she sees something worthwhile in you. A future worth believing in. You should believe in it too.

[anlgp]

Being in a long distance relationship to me is the loneliest thing I've ever done with another person. I miss him so much, all the time. It's relentless. I wake up reaching for him, I go to sleep longing to be in his arms. I'm lucky enough that we get to see each other every other month so I focus on counting down the days until we see each other again.

Do you and your SO have special days together?

I can't tell you how often I feel like that. I feel like because of my life experiences I am damaged goods. The truth is I'm not. I've found a wonderful person now, and I know that he could do so much better than me, but you know what, he chose ME, he sees something in me that he wants to be around all the time. So did your girlfriend, don't forget that, she's fighting for your relationship too because she sees something worthwhile in you. A future worth believing in. You should believe in it too.

I'd agree it's the loneliest thing I've ever done as well. We have yet to meet so there is the added bit of that, but like you imagine counting down the days to see I imagine meeting and it gives me hope.

We do have days together but it's not a planned thing. We are trying to find more things to do and have recently looked at the large list of things on here to do and have been putting them in practice and they're all doing wonders for me so far.

I sorta feel like damaged goods. It's more like.. I make myself feel less equal and not worthy because I focus on things I haven't done or don't feel like I can do instead of the things that I do. Obviously, there's enough there that I do to keep her fighting for me.

I crush myself because I haven't had a job in 4 years. I go to school as a CJ major so I'm not sitting around all day or anything, but $ is necessary to visit.. I just literally had my first interview in that time. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I really feel like maybe I'm not filling out apps right or something because even when I go in places they don't wanna talk to me.

My biggest worry is abandonment and .. ah.. let's not even go down that road. We are together, yeah? So that's what matters.

[Sierra]

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I understand how being unemployed can be REALLY depressing. I'm currently working, but I only work part time and when I close the distance to be with my boyfriend it'll be to go back to school and to continue on to law school. I'm 27. My mother has told me she'll fully support me while I go to school but the prospect of not working at all ... literally, is more than I can wrap my mind around.

But you should remember, you're going to school! That's not you not doing anything, that's you really doing something to better your future. My boyfriend keeps encouraging me by telling me 'imagine the future we'll have together and how great it'll be', and he's right. You should do the same thing.

Trust me, going to school and not working does not make you a bum or damaged goods. It makes you someone who is doing something proactive to better their life.

If meeting is your main priority right now, is there someone who knows odd jobs you can do? I understand wanting to be gainfully employed, but you can make a visit happen without having a full time job. One time I saved $2,000 in 5 weeks to make a trip to Italy happen. It's possible.

Don't let your situation get you down too much, you guys have been together for a long time and I doubt she's going anywhere. Things'll get better.

[anlgp]

I don't really know anyone per se. I can do work for my grandfather in the spring and such, but nothing that would come close to getting the money I need to save for transportation in any reasonable amount of time. It would help, and it's something I plan on doing when that time rolls around, but it's not going to be enough.

next idea is temp agency. i've been holding off b/c they take a % but it's better than nothing.

also just for ref I'm 26.. 27 in march.

[Sierra]

Oh dude! You're my age, totally go to a temp agency. Look, I don't know what your immediate goals in life, or your relationship are, but I have so many friends who have gotten excellent positions through temp agencies (after having to sift through some bad ones). You can have some money in no time!!!! Do you have any family members who might be willing to chip in if you're wanting to visit?

If you need tips for cheap travel and how to save money fast, even when you don't have any, I'd be happy to offer you some tips.

There's no shame in temp agencies, I've done it before, hell, I just got lucky with finding my position here and I know better than to leave it, but I will be in a few months for school and basically I'll be in your situation.

Just keep your head up and keep on moving forward, trust me, you're taking steps in the right direction. You have no reason to be depressed about your situation, it sounds like you're doing the right thing.

[anlgp]

no one can really help chip in w/$ from my family, and even if they could they're the kinda "money comes from the sweat of your brow not the hand of others" type of thing. they don't mind helping if i'm going to pay back, and i would, but without the job thing they're not going to be willing to give $ because i have no way to pay back.

i've gone to a temp agency but by the time i got there it was closed, just haven't gone back and have been meaning to. without transportation it is hard b/c i have to take the public buses, which only run on the hr or 1/2 hr where i live and they stop at 5pm.

i live in DE, there's not really all that much going on..

edit:

tips would be great

[Sierra]

Where are you trying to go? Shoot me a PM

[anlgp]

i should add that chef.rae and i have talked about this before (using $ to see each other) and we both agree that having transportation is a better long term option than me taking a bus or something up to see her or vicey versa whereas instead that could be used for a car where it would also help me when we're apart.. because i do not have a mode of transportation as it stands and use public systems (walk, mostly, actually), so we both feel as if me having transportation would not only help me around here getting from A to B but also would help us and we could see each other whenever the spirit moved us (save gas $) instead of having to save up $ constantly for bus /plane tickets etc

if that makes sense.

[anlgp]

ugh

[squirrelz15]

Breath, I've read through your thread. It will be ok. You seem like a good genuine person and your SO thinks you're wonderful or they wouldn't be with you. What do you do for fun? I know how hard it is to pick yourself up and do something fun for yourself because I struggle with a lot of the same types of feelings your feeling, just in different areas. Sometimes we just gotta pull ourselves out of it. Just remember your SO thinks the world of you, and even though this part of life isn't easy, things will get better eventually. They always do. Best of luck

[anlgp]

Breath, I've read through your thread. It will be ok. You seem like a good genuine person and your SO thinks you're wonderful or they wouldn't be with you. What do you do for fun? I know how hard it is to pick yourself up and do something fun for yourself because I struggle with a lot of the same types of feelings your feeling, just in different areas. Sometimes we just gotta pull ourselves out of it. Just remember your SO thinks the world of you, and even though this part of life isn't easy, things will get better eventually. They always do. Best of luck

play guitar, read, video games. some more things.

I think really it's a mixture of everything i posted in my first post and I'm just in a bad spot..

thanks for reading

[squirrelz15]

Yeah, I understand. Hope things get better for you!