Am I being greedy?

[Jezah]

My SO has been so busy lately, helping his mom move house (a constant thing for 2 weeks now) that I feel I don't have a boyfriend anymore. Then christmas happened, and what a un-merry one it has been for me. I saw my family, but none of HBB. He was with his Dad on the 25th, then his mom the 26th and now today he is spending all day at his friends. I am lucky if I get a few texts and a call at the end of the night when he is exhausted and falling asleep. I am so depressed, Christmas is supposed to be happy and I know we are apart...but this is just so hard. I feel like a selfish person asking him to put off his friends to talk to me, yet when he doesn't I feel left out and so alone. He ignores/misses half my txts and the ones I get back are always short and clipped because he is distracted. I just want my boyfriend back, since he left I feel like I don't have one anymore and it kills me. I just want contact, even just txts throughout the day to update me/include me....instead I get nothing.

Am I right to feel this upset? I really feel, and I hate saying this, that lately HBB could not care less about my feelings. Its always what he wants to do when he wants to do it, no matter my feelings on it. I also feel I can't bring it up anymore, I told him how I feel and I worry if I push it more he will start to resent me meaning even LESS contact. I also get a crappy New Years, cause yet again he is going to be at his friends. I am begininng to question why I am doing this, putting myself through lonely holidays without him when its obvious I am alone in that feeling of loneliness. He is perfectly content it seems, off with friends, even if we do get a phone call all it takes is one "Rob!" from a friend and bam he hangs up and goes to be with them.

I am about to give up and start not caring, but I know when I do that my heart will start to pull away from him and that is the beginning of the end. I just wished I felt I had a true partner in him

[anlgp]

I don't think that texts throughout the day is asking for too much at all.

Of course, there will be times when there are more than others, but the basic concept isn't too much in my opinion.

[Yaaamiii]

I don't think you're being selfish. I've felt the same way and what you're going through right now was my relationships problem during the beginning of our LDR (about 4-7 months into our relationship). It took a lot of nagging on my part (I hate nagging :/) to eventually get through to my SO. Maybe you can ask your boyfriend if maybe he can spend more time with you and not just with his friends, that sometimes its ok to say no to your friends. I think, if I were you, I'd show your SO exactly what you've told us. I've felt exactly the same in the past. I don't think he's being fair to you, but I dunno.

[lucybelle]

Well first of all I think you need to make dates that he keeps. Just like if you were CD. So you guys will have a skype or phone call date on Saturday at 9pm. And he MUST be there. Or he'd be standing you up. Just like in CDRs.

Also, straight up tell this man you need more contact. I had to do that with my SO. We were only emailing once every week or every two weeks. Not cool with me. I brought it up, he changed. Communication is key!

[Jezah]

We used to have date night, but he has been back 3 weeks and hasn't had time for it.

We used to talk all the time, hours each day, now we barely speak without constant interuptions. I just txted him and told him I felt left out and his response? "Oh ffs grow up"

That is where we stand, apparently my missing him and wanting to spend more time is somehow immature...yet his staying up till 2am drinking and partying with his friends while his girlfriend sits home lonely and missing him is somehow mature and honorable. I begin to really doubt him at times like this, yet somehow he always makes me forget when we do talk. He makes me laugh, and is sweet so I forget...but even if for the next 3 weeks he is around all the time...I know next time this happens he will act exactly the same. He will disregard my feelings, do what he chooses without a care. So I ask myself, is this what I want? I wish I had an answer

[lucybelle]

We used to have date night, but he has been back 3 weeks and hasn't had time for it.

We used to talk all the time, hours each day, now we barely speak without constant interuptions. I just txted him and told him I felt left out and his response? "Oh ffs grow up"

I WISH my SO (or anyone for that matter) would say some shit like that to me. All hell would break loose. Don't put up with that crap. It's BS.

[Yaaamiii]

I WISH my SO (or anyone for that matter) would say some shit like that to me. All hell would break loose. Don't put up with that crap. It's BS.

I totally agree. I don't think he's really respecting you, if that's the case. Its hard to say entirely though. Relationships are give and take, not just take. In other words, he can't talk to you only when its convenient for him, that's not fair to you. I used to be that way, let my SO do whatever he wanted and he seemed to only call me when it was convenient for him. Yah, it pissed me off. But for a while I was too scared to tell him because I didn't want him to resent me or feel like I was holding him back from something. But in the end I decided that I was important too, and that a relationship takes two people to work . I told him he was being very selfish, and he seemed to change a lot after that. Those first few months took a lot of work and it was exhausting but worth it.

[Jezah]

See thats my fear, I feel like if I demand he will leave me. I have tried gently, and sometimes not so gently demanding, even crying and telling him I couldn't do this...but nothing changes. Its always "next week will be different' or 'after the holidays' but it doesn't change. Usually someone telling me to grow up would piss me off, but with him, it just makes a deep ache that hurts like a hole. I really don't feel like he is my partner, my boyfriend maybe, but not in the adult sense of the word. He is not there for me, sometimes he will be there and say 'it will be fine' but I don't really feel the support. I can't get through to him, and I have run out of ideas. I try talking but its falling on deaf ears

[lucybelle]

Maybe you can show him this post? When he sees it's not just you that finds his actions ridiculous, it will sink in better.

[Jezah]

I can try, but he will say "I talk to you everyday!" as if a stray distracted call here and there makes up for his actions and his seeming inability to prioritize his friends and me. I know he is young (23) but I wish he would get over this stage where he needs to see his friends constantly. More like wish he would get over this stage where he sees his friends even if it means his girlfriend leaves him

[squirrelz15]

You're not being greedy. He needs to make time for you, end of story. I can't believe he was as rude as to tell you to grow up, you deserve to be treated better than that. I'm sorry he's being like this

[Zapookie]

He is clearly disrespecting you. Although I don't really agree with ultimatums unless its serious, I think your situation may call for one. You seem to have tried to get through to him but he just doesn't get it. The only way I see you being able to wake him up is to give him an ultimatum. Either he starts making time for you and taking you seriously, or you leave. It's not fair on you that he treats you this way, and couldn't give a flying flip about your feelings or about you.

You shouldn't have to put up with this, no one should. It's not the behaviour of a loving, caring boyfriend and you can't go on like this forever. Things need to change, otherwise you're just going to get hurt even more down the line. Do something now.

If you don't want to give him an ultimatum and you feel like this is just a passing phase for him (maybe its how he is dealing being back home with out you. I did something similar with partying but it was only for the first week after my SO left. I thought alcohol would help but it really didn't), I would try seeing if you can occupy yourself with things. Visit some friends or family so you're not home alone all the time missing his presence.

[Jezah]

Again, txted him and this time he read my post on FB about my unhappiness. He knows how I am feeling. I told him we needed to talk, and he said "soon". I ask "Why? Playing a game?" He said yes and when I asked him if that was more important his reply? "Yes, I can't do this tomorrow". So a game is more important than me, since after all I will be around tomorrow. I think thats all folks, I think thats the end. The level of disrespect and making me feel worthless is intolerable

[Yaaamiii]

I think you should wait to talk to him. Don't do anything unless you're cooled off. I understand though, this would piss me off too and make me feel the same way its making you feel. He's not being fair. You should probably tell him exactly how you feel, tell him exactly what you've told us. If he still doesn't get it after that, he may just be taking you for granted.

[lucybelle]

I think you need to write a letter with all your feelings in it. You should include how when you do get to talk, he makes you laugh and you realize how much you love him. And also include some solutions to the issues you are facing. Then ask him to come up with solutions.

Don't say anything you'll regret. Take this time to calm down (it's hard cuz he's being an ass), collect your thoughts, and write them down. When you do get to talk, read the letter to him. He's not allowed to interrupt or say anything until you are done.

Best wishes.