Need some reassurance...from anybody.

[SnowAnd38Below]

Things have just felt really off lately, and I think I'm just making it worse by reading too much into everything.

My SO and I have gone through a bit of a lull period in the last couple weeks. We usually talk on the phone every day, and there was a period of about a week where I would hang up the phone dissatisfied every time. There would either be not much to say and a lot of silence, or it would feel like he didn't really want to be on the phone at that time. The day before yesterday we finally had a normal and happy conversation, but I can't shake the worries that the previous couple weeks had planted in my head.

It's really all just a bunch of little things. We were talking on Skype a couple nights ago, and he fell asleep (he's also been sick with a chest cold, which has contributed to him being more distant I think). I said, "I don't know if you're awake or not, but I'm going to sleep. Good night, I love you lots. Feel better." He responded with, "Thanks. Ditto to you." I don't really know why, but that ditto hurt. That's really not something any girl wants to hear, right? I don't care what happened in Dirty Dancing...
I really can't remember the last time he said "I love you" when it wasn't at the end of a phone call or message. When he said it just because he felt like saying it. I think it was during his visit, which was 4 months ago.

I know he loves me, I just wish I could get him to let me know he's thinking about me. If I send a text just saying I'm thinking about him, I don't get anything back and he almost never texts me. I post a picture or an article I think he'd enjoy on his Facebook page, but I don't get anything back. I don't want to end things at all, because he is a truly amazing guy. I just need more than I am getting at the moment. I haven't brought it up to him yet since I'm going to visit him in a week and I'm hoping that visit will fix things, or at least it will be easier to bring these things up in person.

I think I really just need someone to tell me that I'm overthinking things. Or that maybe I'm not. I'm just at a loss right now because I feel like I'm just sitting here waiting idly until I can see him. It's driving me crazy.

[OceanBlue]

Was he always like this or is it just lately he's been like this? Guys are always different. For example my ex never showed me his emotions, he didn't show me his love for me but that doesn't mean he didnt love me. It just means he doesnt show it that easily while my boyfriend now does everything he can to show me his love. It depends on you I guess. Can you live with the fact he has a hard time showing his emotions? or not? but what you have to do is to talk with him. Else you will still be worried no matter what we say.

I had a friend and she started crying at school one day. I asked her what was wrong and she said that her bf was acting like how you described your bf was acting. She said it were only little details but she could see it and got hurt from it. Like for example when she texted him "I love you", he responded with "good thing that you do " and that hurt her a lot. Next day she came to school and I asked how things were, she said it was all OK, that she talked to him and told him how she felt, the guy told her that he had no idea he made her feel like that and that he still loves her as much as before. He had no idea. maybe that's the case with you too? Talking is the key really. But I'd wait untill you're there I guess. I think it will be easier that way. Good luck!

[kiara_silver]

I've had slow points in my relationship too, where sometimes we just have nothing to say, or were both on, but doing our own thing. And I get paranoid at those times, thinking are we growing distant, is he losing interest, ect ect. The best thing to do, in my opinion. Is to talk to him, vent out all your feelings, find out what he's feeling, if he's still fully committed. I always feel so much better and then after our huge talk and vent, we're back on track. Tell him how your feeling, the "ditto" would have hurt me too. We always tell each other we love each other, have our goodnight ritual sort of, and one time, he said night but didn't say he loved me, and I logged off. And it felt so wrong and i felt immediately something missing from it. So i logged back on and told him, course he didn't mean to forget or make me feel hurt, was all okay and he told me he loved me lol. So I say have a talk and share all your feelings. I think in a relationship it's good to just reassure each other after time. Sometimes we get in that comfortable stage, and we forget how those simple words, and gestures mean a lot.

[megfashion]

there are probably points in most relationships (wont say all hehe) that have low points.

him having a cold is probably a contributing factor to the low stage... at one point the SO was upset about moving to uni and also had a killer throat (it lasted weeks and weeks and that made him depressed because he couldnt sing n thats a big part of his life)... at one point he texted me at 3am multiple times, one of them saying "if you dont text back ill hate you." then "f** you" then a few other stuff. we didnt say that we loved each other for quite some time... wasnt the right mood spose. what that example is trying (possibly failing) to say is that sometimes during a bad time for one side there may not be much affection coming through.
(btw i questioned that to him mid-afternoon and he apologised and said he couldnt even remember sending them he was so out of it haha)

the fact that he didnt say i love you for 4 months would hurt... maybe talk to him and just say "yknow you havent said you loved me in about 4 months" n just see what he replied with. it could lead to a conversation where he gives adoring compliments hehe

hope this helps

[SnowAnd38Below]

Thanks, you guys. I know I need to talk to him. I think just from past experiences and relationships I'm afraid of coming across as too needy or clingy.
It's not that he hasn't said "I love you" in 4 months. We say it a lot, it's just always at the end of a phone call. I try to say it at other times too to really mean it. When he was visiting he said it all the time... in English, German, Spanish...

We also had a lengthy conversation last night over Skype about various things, but at the end of it we were talking about talking, and how he's never really been one to want to just sit and talk (he was referring to talking to his mother at this point). He likes to do things, like play board games or something, when he talks. He said that the fact that a long distance relationship is basically nothing but talking is hard for him. That's something he hadn't said before, so I'm glad he told me.

I just wish I didn't have another week in front of me before I see him to talk about these things. But there is always going to be more time to wait before I see him again...at least for the next couple of years.