This is the 2nd LDR I've been in.
I was in one previously where we met online on a forum and things went from there. Things seemed to be rosy, I was told all was well and all that such. Meanwhile, her friend moves in. We're LD at this point, but eventually we move together. Not a month or two after closing the distance and living together is when I was told I was cheated on when the friend had moved in. I knew they had a prior relationship before.
Because of this I have major trust issues.. still. I'm terrified of being cheated on, but I know logically in my head I can separate the two relationships and in my heart I have no real cause to be concerned about being cheated on by chef.rae, but the fear that is hold over from the prior relationship has stepped in my head big enough a few times where once I said something that got me in trouble.
I still feel massive amounts of regret for saying that and have done my absolute best to curb the fear in my head. Sometimes, it can rear up and take an absolute gripping affect on my anxiety and depression and absolutely paralyze me for a bit.
For those that are curious about me seeking help I have been in therapy since April 2010, which was 2 months before chef.rae and I got together, and I am still in therapy now. I was told about being cheated on some time in 2003, and I have been out of that relationship since 200? and in this one for a year and a half and going.
I feel like it's absolutely ridiculous that this grips me as bad as it does sometimes. I hate that it's still in my head and hate that she still affects me sometimes. I just want the worry to be gone. I know chef.rae loves me and given what I said to her I'm honestly surprised we've managed to work through it but to her credit she's very forgiving, understanding, and patient and knows where this comes from.
I just wish it didn't cause me to say what I said and think what I think. chef.rae is an entirely different person (that's the point isn't it? lol) and I know due to conversations her and I've had her views on relationships and other details I don't want to really get into because I'm not sure if it would be okay with her or not and I'm going to err on that side of caution.
Sometimes I don't feel like I deserve chef.rae for what I said..
I was in one previously where we met online on a forum and things went from there. Things seemed to be rosy, I was told all was well and all that such. Meanwhile, her friend moves in. We're LD at this point, but eventually we move together. Not a month or two after closing the distance and living together is when I was told I was cheated on when the friend had moved in. I knew they had a prior relationship before.
Because of this I have major trust issues.. still. I'm terrified of being cheated on, but I know logically in my head I can separate the two relationships and in my heart I have no real cause to be concerned about being cheated on by chef.rae, but the fear that is hold over from the prior relationship has stepped in my head big enough a few times where once I said something that got me in trouble.
I still feel massive amounts of regret for saying that and have done my absolute best to curb the fear in my head. Sometimes, it can rear up and take an absolute gripping affect on my anxiety and depression and absolutely paralyze me for a bit.
For those that are curious about me seeking help I have been in therapy since April 2010, which was 2 months before chef.rae and I got together, and I am still in therapy now. I was told about being cheated on some time in 2003, and I have been out of that relationship since 200? and in this one for a year and a half and going.
I feel like it's absolutely ridiculous that this grips me as bad as it does sometimes. I hate that it's still in my head and hate that she still affects me sometimes. I just want the worry to be gone. I know chef.rae loves me and given what I said to her I'm honestly surprised we've managed to work through it but to her credit she's very forgiving, understanding, and patient and knows where this comes from.
I just wish it didn't cause me to say what I said and think what I think. chef.rae is an entirely different person (that's the point isn't it? lol) and I know due to conversations her and I've had her views on relationships and other details I don't want to really get into because I'm not sure if it would be okay with her or not and I'm going to err on that side of caution.
Sometimes I don't feel like I deserve chef.rae for what I said..
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