We made up

[Jezah]

Phew, that was a bad few days. Me and HBB seemed to be at each others throats every second we spoke, I felt so irritated with him and he felt the same with me. Turns out it was 99.9% a misunderstanding. He thought that I wanted him to drop everything and call me every hour or so, when actually all I asked and wanted was him to txt me throughout the day. He DID txt me, so this is where the confusion comes in for him. It was the quality of txts he sent that made me feel so ignored and left out of his life. They were all either smiley faces or 'yup', 'lol', 'ooooh' or something similar. I wanted real responses and for him to communicate with me. He didn't understand this so I was left feeling ignored and he felt like I was trying to take him away from his friends.

Gah, frustrating to say the least. The breaking point and what really helped I found, was I just stopped in the middle of an argument with him and had HIM repeat back to me what I was asking for. He was so busy being mad that he hadn't actually been listening to a word I said and when he repeated back what I wanted wrong we were finally able to figure this out and fix it. He was going to stay in with me NYE but his friends frankly whined and pouted so now he is going over there instead just like he had planned before. I am not mad, a little disappointed yes, but I can't hold him back from what he wants to do. I only wanted him to stay in NYE with me if he actually missed me as much as I missed him. He doesn't obviously, and I have come to terms with that. He loves spending time with me, but he would sometimes prefer to go out and party instead. Its not my mentality but it is his, so I am learning to respect it.

It did shake me for a good few days, never before this fight had I ever felt so mad at HBB. There were times when I almost thought I hated him for how he was acting, and even now that we made up that feeling still lingers and it stinks. Before this fight we felt different, at least to me. Now the relationship has changed and maybe its a good thing. Maybe it has matured beyond the honeymoon stage and its now healthier and more normal, that remains to be seen. I just know I look at him different, misunderstanding or not he still hurt me worse than he ever had before and that wound is still there and always will be.

[Brieasaurus]

I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt. Like they say, time heals everything. I hope this is the case for your relationship.

He was going to stay in with me NYE but his friends frankly whined and pouted so now he is going over there instead just like he had planned before. I am not mad, a little disappointed yes, but I can't hold him back from what he wants to do. I only wanted him to stay in NYE with me if he actually missed me as much as I missed him. He doesn't obviously, and I have come to terms with that.

^ I just wanted to point out one thing though because the bolded part of what you said above sounds exactly like what I would've said a few months ago. I don't know if he actually said that he doesn't miss you enough to stay in or not, but I feel like that was never said and you're just implying that his actions actually mean that. Him going out has nothing to do with whether or not he misses you. It may seem like that, but I promise you that it doesn't. Everyone needs some time apart at some point. Granted, it'd be nice to spend NYE with him but just think about it, it sounds like he already cancelled his original plans to be with you and why would he do that if he didn't actually want to spend time with you? Like you said, you two were fighting and he probably decided that you needed a break from each other so why not make his friends happy and hang out with them for a bit? I feel like in his head, he probably sees this whole thing as a good thing, where you don't. So I definitely would not be upset over that small thing or just assume that he doesn't miss you at all.

That's just my opinion though. I might've not read things correctly and clearly I do not know everything about your situation. Just wanted to help a little eh. I really do like the way the strategy that you used while fighting, to have him repeat what you were saying. I feel like that could help many couples on here and I'll probably use it next time my SO and I get into a fight, so thank you for that.

[Rugger]

I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt. Like they say, time heals everything. I hope this is the case for your relationship.



^ I just wanted to point out one thing though because the bolded part of what you said above sounds exactly like what I would've said a few months ago. I don't know if he actually said that he doesn't miss you enough to stay in or not, but I feel like that was never said and you're just implying that his actions actually mean that. Him going out has nothing to do with whether or not he misses you. It may seem like that, but I promise you that it doesn't. Everyone needs some time apart at some point. Granted, it'd be nice to spend NYE with him but just think about it, it sounds like he already cancelled his original plans to be with you and why would he do that if he didn't actually want to spend time with you? Like you said, you two were fighting and he probably decided that you needed a break from each other so why not make his friends happy and hang out with them for a bit? I feel like in his head, he probably sees this whole thing as a good thing, where you don't. So I definitely would not be upset over that small thing or just assume that he doesn't miss you at all.

That's just my opinion though. I might've not read things correctly and clearly I do not know everything about your situation. Just wanted to help a little eh. I really do like the way the strategy that you used while fighting, to have him repeat what you were saying. I feel like that could help many couples on here and I'll probably use it next time my SO and I get into a fight, so thank you for that.

I agree wit this. Just because he is going out with his friends doesn't mean he doesn't miss you. It means he wants to go out with his friends and party. What's stopping you from going out as well? Why not go out with him and his friends? If you can't do that, why not go out with your friends to keep yourself busy?

[MadMolly]

Plus, it's NYE. Of all the nights to go out and party, I'm sure this one is one where going out can be forgiven!

I'm glad you guys sorted things out, and I hope things improve now! Going back to distance after time together is always hard.

[Sierra]

I'm glad you guys sorted things out. I think we're at a similar place in my relationship where we are trying to iron out the kinks that come after the honeymoon phase. I think we're stronger for it.

[squirrelz15]

Glad to hear things smoothed out a bit, hopefully it will help you guys work through things a bit easier in the future since you both know now that you have a little different ways of communicating Hope things just keep getting better!

[chef.rae]

Happy to hear that things have improved and gotten better. Why don't you go out on NYE and keep busy? It will help keep your mind off him and the whole situation, plus you may get to see people that you have not been able to for a little while.

[Jezah]

I am not much of a social person, thats why I am staying in tonight and not going out. I cannot go out alone as I live in a big city and a girl by herself at a bar is just asking for trouble. Its not that I don't want friends, its just all my old friends took a different path than me (either mommies or party girls) and so I have none. I have not made new ones yet, so I am alone on NYE eating a pizza and feeling a bit lonely. I don't begrudge him his friends and his fun I just wish I could have had a good NYE this year. Just staying in a playing OMGPOP games with him and watching movies would have been enough for me.

[anlgp]

I am not much of a social person, thats why I am staying in tonight and not going out.

ditto and i can say it's similar most days as well.

[Jezah]

I don't see it as a bad thing, but puts strains on my relationships when I date guys who have a massive group of friends. My parents have been married 40 years and they are both friendless by choice, as they say often "Your mother/father is my best friend and who I prefer to spend time with anyways". I think it screwed me up since now I kinda want that too >.<

[Engel]

Im glad you two are ok now! the honeymoon is over, but that doesnt mean it is bad! it is a new phase of the relationship!

all the best luck!

[Jezah]

Yea, good luck for a good NYE. Its 10:45 my time and HBB just left to go 'nap'. If he wakes up in time (doubtful) he will be a zombie when he gets on cam with me. Yet another case of his friends getting the best of him and me getting the rest >.<

[Jazi]

I don't see it as a bad thing, but puts strains on my relationships when I date guys who have a massive group of friends. My parents have been married 40 years and they are both friendless by choice, as they say often "Your mother/father is my best friend and who I prefer to spend time with anyways". I think it screwed me up since now I kinda want that too >.<

My SO is my best friend and was one of my best friends before we even started dating. I would always feel like I wanted more from my previous relationships, I felt clingy and felt like I had to let go. I would think those "He obviously doesn't miss me as much" type things. I wasn't happy and always came back to my friends saying that I really wanted a guy who wasn't just my boyfriend.. but truly my best friend and that I am his best friend too. My SO is completely content with not having many friends and finds what he needs in friendship/a relationship with me, he has friendly relations with people at work though but doesn't see them outside of work. I do have a few friends but tend to see them when he is unavailable or rarely when he is around and he just does something on his own. He also goes to the football some weekends for a few hours and I'm ok with that> we spend a lot of time together and it's probably more than most people would want to spend with their SO but it's what works for us and I'm not missing anything from this relationship, it's amazing (apart from the distance.. we're working on that.)

My parents have their own friends and are fairly separate in their social lives.. yet, I agree with your parents view/yours so I don't think it has much to do with that, it's just what you want. Obviously your SO isn't like that so you'll have to make some compromises and hopefully find the balance.

I just wanted to tell you you're not alone, it's ok to feel like this and I don't think it's just because of your parents, you just want what you want.

i hope to see more posts of good news between you and your SO