In need of some support and a cheer me up...

[Ms.Justine]

Hey Friends, so I know that this isn't really a LDR issue but I don't know where else to turn....as some of you know I'm a curvy girl always have been. Even at the height of my athletic days I was still a thicker woman. So about 8 months ago before I started dating my SO I had been losing weight - at least 20 pounds. I dont want this to sound like a cheesy new years resolution but I was tagged in some Christmas, New Year's eve party pictures and I honestly broke down in tears. I have visibly gained a substantial amount of weight.

At first I thought I was perhaps pregnant and gaining weight - but three pregnancy tests and all negative I knew it was just the latter gaining weight. Admittedly the type of birth control I am on (Depo shot) has been notoriously known for causing weight gain because of its extreme increase of appetite I know I can contribute some of this to my weight gain. As well, in new relationships you go out to eat more, go to movies eat, go for drinks, etc etc. Also, getting comfortable and not watching what I ate... These are all the factors to my weight gain - and I know what I must do to change it. But I am just so disgusted with myself and feeling rather depressed. From losing to gaining about 50 pounds in about 8 months... That's sick. I've been holding in tears all day and feeling sick to my stomach in fear of my SO leaving me, gaining more weight and developing a health condition etc.

So what I guess I'm asking is for some encouragement and support as I am so very depressed right now - and any tips you have or what helped you lose weight and your story or journey. I know bottom line I need to change my lifestyle back on track. Thanks for reading.

[Jezah]

Oh boy, this is something I can relate to. I am a curvy girl, and I don't mind that...but when HBB was here I did notice I slacked off alot on my diet and subsequently gained about 10lbs. I had also just lost about 50lbs last fall so gaining any back freaked me out. My weight loss though back then was due to stress and health issues, so I can't take credit! HBB is a massive junk food fan, he loves candy and eats it by the 5lb bag, yet he has a super metabolism and gained nothing after 2 months of chowing down while I gained 10lbs.

My suggestion, and this is from my own experience, weight train. Get a gym membership and use the 'man' machines. All the ones meant to make men all beefed up, and the reason I say this is, if you gain even just 10lbs of muscle you will burn at rest nearly 50% more calories than before. You will not get all muscley unless you take steroids as female bodies are not designed that way. Worse case scenario if you go nuts is you will look like Madonna. Cardio is awesome to prevent heart disease and lower cholesterol ect ect but as far as real weight loss? In my case I could run 2 miles on a treadmill each day and not lose a pound. Gaining muscle is the only way to go, and I am sure you know this as you were an athlete.

Words of encouragment? Men do not notice weight gain, not unless it is on a massive scale and even then....its so gradual they usually cannot tell. Guys like the squishy, and I don't get it but then again, I am a girl so I am programmed to like lean and hard. I wonder sometimes how HBB can look at me dimpled bum and sigh with desire, but without fail he does. He even adores my little buddha belly and calls it adorable. I am a rather muscular girl as I worked as a farm hand alot, so I guess the soft bits on me just make HBB melt since he knows I could crush him with my calves :P

[Ms.Justine]

Aww thanks so much. Yeah for me it's cardio first then weight training I need my heart pumping and my body sweating to get results from a machine. I have two gym memberships thats the embarrassing part. It's brutal I look back at my pictures when I was doing good and just wanna slap myself.

[Zapookie]

Please don't be sad! I put on a bunch of weight too when my SO visited! We were eating out a lot and were cooking really nice food, and drinking a lot of beer. All of that made me put on about 7 kilos (about 15 pounds I think). I have only managed to lose 3 kilos since then. I have always been muscular too - built like my dad, rather than my mother who is thin and never puts on weight no matter how hard she tries.

I worried that my SO would think I was fat and be put off etc, but he laughed and said that he loves every part of me and that he'll love me no matter what weight I am.

I think when you love someone, you love them for their soul and their heart, so it doesn't really matter what their outside looks like, because their inner beauty is what is seen, in turn making the outside beautiful as well.

Just remember that he loves you for you, not for your body!

[Engel]

I am feeling like this with myself as well, so I know this isnt much help, but i just wanted to say I know how you feel and you are not alone in this one. :/

[digitalfever]

I think I might be breaking a forum rule by responding to this before introducing myself but I just wanted to tell you I know how it feels before I forgot what I had all in my head.

I think any weight gain can get to us women, men too but I think the emphasis on looking good and being sexy not only to the men out there and ourselves is huge! I’d say don’t let this small bump in the road effect how you see yourself and put together a plan to lose the weight in a healthy manner – from what I understand you’ve done it before which means you are more than capable of doing it again!

[Babypuppy21]

Totally agree with digitalfever!!! I’d ask if you spoke to your SO about it but I think sometimes they can be torn on answering that one. But as was mentioned above your SO isn’t there for your body he loves the person. Plus if you’re CD then you can both work out together which gives you support as well as improve your relationship doesn’t always have to be the gym it could be a sporting activity (just you two) or going for walks.
I also feel the need to shed a few pounds so you’re not alone there either…

[uniquefem]

hummm i had to confess this...

In last 6 months i gain over 10 kgs (22pounds??) its getting worse since i moved out to big city where i could access all junk food, and i ...short of left my very healthy habits of running 3 times a week--at least. Plus.. its getting faster past two months since i get so stressed out since my SO move to Moscow and i still can not hear his voice for over 2 months and very rare chat.

I am an amotional eater... i seek food for comfort. I know what i did is wrong and goshhh i can not even wear the skirt and pants that i use 6 months ago... i do feel as bad as you are

I do think of using stairs for at least 3 times a week to work... errh my work at 21st floor...

I always be the tallest girl.. and now i became the BIGGEST girl.... not only tall (for asian size) but also big....

But just stay positive.. i did plan to get healthy food and get my running shoes to work... i bet you do have the plan too.. the best thing of all at least WE both know that its not healthy what were doing and we had the conscience about changing our life habit....

I know i can not just run 5kms/3 miles at once like i used to... but i will try the stairs for at least 45 mins on my lunch break, and ... duh.. no more coffee... soft drink or junk food (magnums ice cream or candy bars)... if you and i could do it before (yepp before i could loose 15 kgs/33 pounds in a year (12 months) so yeah.. i believe i can do it again this time. So do you!

We got our motivations there as a goal (to be healthy is the first and for the love of our SO is the 2nd) then we could do it... right?

Lets do this together??

[Malaga]

*hugs* I understand, especially the part about seeing yourself in pics. I feel like the most repulsive person in the world almost whenever I see a photo of myself, it just makes me desperate.

You know what you need to do to get back on track, just don't let despair throw you off course. In the mean time, until you notice the first results of your weightloss programme, try improving your posture. If I remember correctly, you're a tall girl, which is a big advantage to making the excess weight look less than it is. Push your chest up, shoulders back, keep straight, wear darker colours. Lift your chin up when you're having a photo taken to avoid having a double chin. It also helps to stick your tongue behind your upper front teeth when smiling for a pic, this is great for double chin and chubby cheeks but looks natural.

Good posture makes you look thinner than you are, bad posture makes you look chubbier than you are, this coupled with your weightloss regime and you'll see the difference soon and feel much better about yourself.

Good luck xx

[Lyric]

I would highly suggest going Primal. I don't even have the time to sit here and detail all the ways it has changed my life. I'm not a fad diet type of person, and this isn't that. https://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/

His 21 day book is FANTASTIC. Includes many lifestyle changes that can help you get healthy, it's not just diet by any means - and for me it's totally doable - which is a big part of why "diets" fail... who wants to be stuck eating carrots while all their friends are out to dinner?

Either way, good luck!!

[kiara_silver]

I think most girls can relate to this. And we're always harder on ourselves. I sometimes get mini freak outs when I gain a little and my SO constantly tells me im worrying over nothing. So most of the time your SO probably won't even notice it. But I know how it feels when you get to your goal weight or fit in that favourite pair of jeans.
My suggestion to loose weight is join a group. This is what I did when i first started loosing. And I only met with them once a week, but they always had a weigh in. That's what kept me motivated, because I knew at the end of the week they were going to weigh me so i wanted to be a pound lighter at least. I ended up losing 15 pounds in about 3 months. Which is not bad, a healthy range is 1-2 pounds a week. Also add strength training, weights and such. I wish I did more of this, because it helps tone. You may not loose the pounds as fast but you'll loose the inches. And then third is water! Lots of water. It's hard at first to drink 5-7 glasses of water so i start by just trying to get in 3 then 4 then so on. I would also do soups, a huge pot of vegetable soup that I make home made, I would eat pretty much just that and then maybe a snack, and would help a lot!
But over all don't feel down on yourself, every woman is beautiful in her own way no matter what weight, we all have flaws but we also have traits that make us unique and beautiful. Take it a day at a time and good luck!

[floridaellen]

I'm visiting my SO and family for the holidays and I can feel myself gaining weight even though our scale doesn't work right now.

I need to start working out more; I'm getting embarrassed about my weight I have to admit. I'm not fat but I used to be a lot skinnier.

[Ms.Justine]

Thanks you guys, this really means a lot. It is just so traumatizing seeing yourself in pictures and being like "wow...I gained a noticeable amount of weight." I actually did talk to my SO he could instantly tell something was wrong and I needed to be comforted. He assured me that he loves me for me, he can't really tell the weight gain - which is nice. But I most certainly can! So we worked on a plan to start eating more healthy - going out to dinner less and snacking healthy. He actually wants to lose some weight as well. It'll probably be hard seeing him lose weight faster than me but it'll be nice to know I have a support system. We actually woke up early and at 9:00AM we went for a 5K walk and I can feel my muscles aching but the end result felt fantastic.

I've worked out a plan that I am going to cut out all sodas, juices and drink water lots and lots of water. Which isn't a problem to me because I am honestly a camel and love water. Also, I recently got a new job in a hardware store so lots of walking, lifting etc and the only food place around is a Subway which is a lot more healthy than a mall food court. But I do plan on packing my lunches and making sure I swap junk food for fruits and vegetables when I want to snack...because I am a snacker. Additionally, I have a membership at my local YMCA and my University work out facilities so I plan on working out at least 3 times a week for about an hour and a half to two hours. So hopefully this coupled with a lot of sweat and hard work will get me to where I need to be.

Thanks again for all the support and I know I'll be back needing some support and lift me ups for when it gets difficult. I was thinking of keeping a log of my progressions successes and failures here.

You guys are the best!

[floridaellen]

I also recommend Sparkpeople.com. It's a site focusing on weight loss and healthy living. They have a food tracker, workout tracker, message boards, teams, workout videos, articles, ect. I used to use it and lost a good amount of weight but then slacked off. I just joined again to help motivate me.

[marbear31]

Hi honey! First off, you are beautiful. Self image is simply perception. I'm going through the same thing--I just got back from abroad (how I met my SO), and I gained 10 pounds. Not the same in quantity, but the numerical quality made me cringe at my most recent doctor's appointment.

I know something that helps me is wearing colors I like. Even if there's a few extra rolls that make me uncomfortable, bodies can fluctuate with a little extra work, and wearing those colors make my mood vibrant. It's the perfect time to start with a new resolution--go for it! Just start with a walk everyday--it does wonders. And fresh fruit and veggies are great as well. Most off, believe in yourself, turn to your SO for support, and go for the gold! You can do it!! Day by day.