New to LDR... What to expect?

[spiceywolfe]

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now, and we've lived together for 3. Now, because of personal circumstances I have to move back to my mom's house while he stays, my mom lives over 300 miles away. We are making plans for seeing each other as much as possible, but obviously school and work will make it difficult to visit as often as we'd like, and I'm used to waking up beside him every single day. I don't know how to cope with the physical loss in our relationship. I'm leaving in a few days, and I just want to be as mentally prepared for what's going to happen as possible. I plan on making myself really busy when I get there and work as hard as possible so we can be together as soon as possible, but I know it won't be an overnight thing. Do many couples become long distance after they weren't? Has anyone else been through this? The entire thing seems scary and impossible. Where I'm going I wont even have a friend to rely on, and my mother and I don't exactly have the best relationship. I just want to get an idea of how it will be adjusting so I don't slip into some deep dark depression or something. Thank you for any help or advice you can give to me.

[anlgp]

It will be hard. It is not impossible. I'm not sure how to adjust to your specific situation, though.

[Kristin91]

I think the biggest thing in a LDR is communication! Make sure you are talking and communicating about everything, because it's the only thing your relationship will be building off of (most of the time). Also, a LDR is hard, and it's not for everyone, but if you believe that it will work and that you can get through it, then you will! And remember, all of us on the forum are here for you if you ever need advice Good luck!

[spiceywolfe]

We are planning to skype, text, and call. Is there more I can do? I just don't know how to deal with the lack of physical closeness. Something as simple as holding hands, or snuggling while watching tv, I really believe in our relationship, and I know he does too, but we've never been apart for more than a few weeks when I've gone to visit family. My friends that I've told keep looking at it like a break up, but it's not like that at all. I just want to make sure our relationship stays strong and alive even though we wont be seeing each other much.

[Mara]

I think the biggest thing you can do is just try to not let the sadness over take you. I find it's much worse if you dwell on it. It isn't the same honestly and it's very odd when you're used to waking up beside someone everyday to suddenly not. Skype is wonderful though. Somehow seeing your SO makes it better, but it's still different and hard.

[Brieasaurus]

You sound like you're already prepared to use some big coping methods. Being busy, having constant communication, and such are really the key parts of a LDR. There are going to be some days where you're going to miss him like hell and that are you're going to want to do is cry and be with him. Nothing wrong with that. You just have to be positive and know that you two have a great relationship and that this is only temporary. Definitely steal some of his sweats or shirts to use a pillowcase and to have something to snuggle onto when you're away. This forum has helped me lots seeing others struggle (that sounds mean, I don't know how else to put it haha) and then knowing that I'm not the only crazy one fighting the distance. Surviving the distance is very much possible. Good luck, I hope to see you around.

[13000km]

Do you know yet how long you will be LD for? Skype everyday if possible, and leave skype on. That way you can still be watching TV, on the computer or doing dishes, whatever you would do if you were at home together in the evening. It will feel a little bit more like having him in the same room as you, as compared to mentally saving everything you want to say for a 20 min phone call. Not getting hugs when you need it will be hard at first. You will always crave it but the pain of it will lessen after a little while. Then when you do get that first hug when you meet each other, it will be amazing, I promise.

[squirrelz15]

It sounds like you already know a lot of it. The skype suggestion is good. I was also going to suggest the pillowcase/sweatshirt idea. The pain gets easier, you will get into a routine and the days will fly by. It's not easy at first, but it will get better. We're all here going through the same thing, so come here for support as often as you need it.

[efish1042]

My SO and I were CD before, but never lived together, and we've made it through 4 semesters apart. Communication! You need it in CD, but it's vital for LD. Just remember that you can do anything as long as you both want to. After a few days, the separation starts to get easier (I say easIER not easy), then you just have to continue living day by day. Talk with your SO and then before you know you will see him again. Countdowns make me feel better once I know for sure when I will see my SO.
It does sound like you're about as prepared as you can be tho. You can't know how exactly YOU will survive until YOU are in the situation. Best of luck, and welcome to the community. This place has helped me cope so much

[Yaaamiii]

Patience!! Be PATIENT. It's so hard, believe me I know. There are some days I just wish I could hug him...when I'm sad, that he could wipe my tears away. But I know this won't be forever. It's hard at first. I used to crave hugs and kisses from my boyfriend for a long time. But the intensity of the cravings lessened and I eventually got used to it. Communication is really important. You're going to notice that what may have worked being close distance may not work being long distance. Be patient. For example, arguments that you could fix very easily if you lived in the same home may be harder to fix over a phone. Just stay strong and be patient, that's the best you can do.

[floridaellen]

My SO and I were close distance, basically living together but bounced back and forth between houses, before we went long distance. It has been really hard but through strong communication and visits we have actually gotten closer at heart.