After one year did anyone else find things lulling or getting harder?

[keypatalina]

The first year was in no way easy, but it seems like since we hit the year mark everything is getting more difficult....communication, visits, everything. Did anyone else have this happen or did you just get stronger? I'm really getting frustrated and down

[Brieasaurus]

Our one year mark was in November and now things are a lot more difficult in some ways and easier in other ways. Like, visits have definitely became more of a challenge because my SO recently had knee surgery which means he can't work his heavy labor job or play ice hockey (which is how he paid for his previous trips) and my schedule is busy with school and everything. I feel like that's due to our personal circumstances though.

What is easier though, is now we have a pattern. I don't know if that's what you mean by lull, but there's maybe not that excitement of staying up until 5 AM talking or the first sexy skype sesh because it's simply became part of our routine. There's still plenty of excitement for me to talk to him, but those like first big "mile stones" are already happened so the newness has worn off. What I think impacts our relationship negatively (at least for me) is when that pattern changes. Like for him to go on a three day trip with his family or to go out and party and not have that communication really hurts me. It might be crazy to say because we are still LD and so far away from each other but I swear that I have separation anxiety with him haha.

Don't feel down! You guys just need to sort yourselves out, remind yourself that you have already accomplished something many people cannot do, which is deal with a LDR. Plus you've already got a year down. Only 89 more years left right? :P It gets hard, as you know, but just think about how worth it it'll be once you together can be together. Good luck!

[keypatalina]

Thank you! I think for us what's been really negatively impacting our relationship is his job because he has no set schedule and is working 10 hours a day including his commute, so by the time he's home or free all he wants to do is sleep and our communication has taken a backseat to that. So, I'm just getting sad and frustrated.

[chef.rae]

Some days are better than others. It is easier, but mor challenging at the sametime. Every day is different, and you never know what problems you will have to face. Just talk things through with your SO, when something comes up.


Just hang in there and try to stay positive. Your SO is worth it!

[kittyo9]

A little more than a year into the relationship, things started getting a lot tenser because of stress over when we'd see one another after he was denied a visa the first time and we were anxious about applying again.

[keypatalina]

This is similar to what's happening to us since I'm graduating in May and we haven't figured out what to do about us once that happens, he does not want to move to where I am from(Florida) but I am taking the bar there because he does not want to stay in Pennsylvania (where he lives and I currently go to school). It's tense just like you said, kitty I hate the tension and not knowing...I feel helpless sometimes

[LilyChiba]

In some ways its harder and in some ways we're stronger. It's just a matter of taking it day by day for us and looking forward to that first visit.

[Zapookie]

We just had our one year at the end of December. If anything, we're stronger than ever.

By the time I see my SO again, it will probably have been 6 months since the last time we saw each other. That's a long time. We've only had one visit so far. But the only way we keep at it is by talking every day and including each other in our daily lives. Never holding back anything and being open an honest.

Communication is really important, especially in an LDR. If you're feeling like things aren't going well, TALK ABOUT IT! Don't let anything go unspoken. Everything needs to be aired out and talked over so that both of you are on the same page. That is super important to making things work.

[keypatalina]

I've been trying so hard to talk to him about it, but with his job he's asleep when I'm awake and vice-versa. He's also not texting or calling as much as before and I'm miserable, I miss him so much it hurts and not talking to him is making it worse. He loves me and I love him, but being alone is so hard sometimes

[Zapookie]

If you don't have much time to talk to each other, you should write him an email one day and outline everything you're feeling right now. It might be even better that way because you'll have time to gather your thoughts together and word it the way you see fit, without feeling rushed or tongue tied. I think that might be a good idea.

[Babypuppy21]

The one year mark..as was mentioned it gets easier and harder at the same time. The beautiful thing is that hopefully your relationship has grown as has your love for your SO. Now life is definitely going to throw some challenges your way and your relationship will be tested…but you can your SO can get through them. My SO and I call them peaks and pigs or (highs and lows). Communicating how you’re feeling with your SO is really important don’t hold on to it,,even a good cry helps and know you have support..all of us are in the same boat.
*hugs*

[rubydissolution]

We hit one year in November, quite a lot was going on around that time so it was a struggle to get through it. Then through December, he worked a lot, had no time for me and slept frequently. I understand what you are going through. I don't get texts often, love letters via FB anymore and it stings. I even got the "you know I love you why do I have to say it" line. He got me a lovely ring for Christmas, but i'm wondering more if its from guilt not a sign that he loves me. Its almost like we're falling apart and I can't do anything to change it. Yea I know he loves me, but whenever i bring up my feelings or that i need him to show it more he snaps at me, we get into an argument about me being over emotional. He didn't even show any sign of excitement that I was gonna come see him mid-January until about a week ago. So, i'm not sure if its bc of his excessive working or if he's jus losing interest in our relationship. Its a lot of unknowing and it kills me. I guess we will see where we stand after my visit in a week and a half. I think the best part, is he's bi-polar and he's coming off a manic phase, so odds are he'll be deeply depressed when I arrive. It just sucks...=(

I'm glad i'm not the only one feeling the struggle after hitting the one year mark.

[elizabethjp2010]

2nd year is suppose to be the "make it or break it" year, everything they do that was cute is now not cute, little stuff annoys you, you are no longer in total lust as well as love. Most couples fight more the second year, and long term couples break up (or come pretty close)

youll get through it, or you will decide its not worth it. GOOD LUCK!

[Ms.Justine]

Unfortunately I ended up breaking up with my LD SO shortly after our 1 year. I think it's because in any relationship after about one year you see the true reality of someones character. Whether it be annoying habits, social reactions or tendencies they have really become abrupt - because you both have grown to a significant level of comfort. This makes being in a LDR a lot harder; because you don't physically see each other as much it's harder to take what someone may be saying and interpret it with not only words but the body. Also, there's this growing sense of urgency that action must be taken in the move to close the distance and that also causes a lot of stress some ignoring/avoiding it completely where others (like myself) try to take action and make a plan. This could also cause friction.

What I would suggest is talk about some new goals for the next year - try and make plans and flesh out any insecurities that could be causing these "luls"

Hope this helped.

Talk, talk TALK!

[floridaellen]

Unfortunately I ended up breaking up with my LD SO shortly after our 1 year. I think it's because in any relationship after about one year you see the true reality of someones character. Whether it be annoying habits, social reactions or tendencies they really become abrupt - because we have grown to a level of comfort. What makes all of this happening in a LDR a lot harder; because you don't physically see each other as much it's harder to take what someone may be saying and interpret it with not only words but the body. Also, there's this growing sense of urgency that action must be taken in the move to close the distance and that also causes a lot of stress some ignoring/avoiding it completely where others (like myself) try to take action and make a plan. This could also cause friction.

What I would suggest is talk about some new goals for the next year - try and make plans and flesh out any insecurities that could be causing these "luls"

Hope this helped.

Talk, talk TALK!

I did the same thing. We broke up after 1 year and four months. We are now back together and working through the issues we had. It's a struggle but it's worth it. I've seen life without him and I never want to see it again.