should i be happier?

[megfashion]

sorry if its a bit of a vent... im just really confused right now my head is literally just screaming the F word n running around in circles. blah.

well... this holiday has been pretty crap. the christmas holiday was me stressing over revision and getting as much time as possible with him.
today, the day before he leaves, it all just fell through after he got angry over something. ended up in the bathroom crying for a good half hour... mum started texting asking what was up (she knows i dont like talking out loud about emotions.).

he is now leaving for 12 weeks. however he is returning in february for 2 days, as it is then the anniversary of his father's passing.

i dont know whether to be happy or sad.



i should be happy because its after exams, no stress or anything, just him. i should be happy because it is almost half way through the 12 weeks or so. i should be happy because it is HIM!!

bt im so so sad because it is also the anniversary. in some ways i dont want to be lovey dovey next to him. i just want to cry because he is gone.

ive tried telling the SO about how "he doesnt have to do anything with me if he doesnt want to" and everything, but he is adamant that he is fine (alot of "are you sure's" and "are you positive"s came from that and he kept replying with yes). so he is probably expecting alot of lovey doveyness... in fact, when i brought up the conversation about not doing anything when he is back being ok, he was more concerned that we wouldnt be able to do anything because of the "time of the month".

i dont get how he can be so frickin' strong about all of this.

so yes. happy and sad.

should i be happier that he is coming back in feb?

and if i should. how the heck am i supposed to be.

[Yaaamiii]

Have you told him that you feel sad about the passing? Men are different in the way they are wired, especially when it comes to expressing their emotions. I'm not entirely sure if I understood, though. Have you asked him if he's ok or are you too concerned about bringing up a very delicate subject?

[megfashion]

Have you told him that you feel sad about the passing? Men are different in the way they are wired, especially when it comes to expressing their emotions. I'm not entirely sure if I understood, though. Have you asked him if he's ok or are you too concerned about bringing up a very delicate subject?

ive asked him how he feels, and he is fine with everything. he said to me at one point when i first brought it up "not you aswell! mum and i really are fine, in fact we really enjoyed christmas". he wants to be lovey dovey at the weekend when he is there. he wants to be lovey dovey n all that and i just want to lay there and cry. i dont even know if i can be happy about him coming. i am happy in a way but also very very sad because its the anniversary

and yes. he does know i get upset on occasion. we visited the crem the other day, and i said i felt sad afterwards, and he asked "why", because he wasnt feeling the same

[Yaaamiii]

Well, guys are very different than us. Next week is the one year of the passing of my father too and I know it will be a tough day for me. But I suppose if he's given you every reason to believe that he is okay, then you should believe him. Perhaps you need time to yourself to mourn? Maybe you feel sad mostly because he seems to be feeling ok while you are the one who is sad? This one is a toughie, but maybe you should tell him how you feel. Maybe write it all down and then read it to him. I think overall you should be happy but I understand that death is a difficult thing to get over. Have you voiced your concerns to him?

[milaya]

I'm not sure about the part wether you should be happier or not. It's not an easy thing to tell yourself to be happier. Sometimes people can get down about things, even though other may not seem like they have a reason to.

Mostly I just want to voice my opinion when it comes to your SO's feelings regarding the passing of his father. If he said he is fine with it and he seems fine with it, then I think it's okay for you to trust it. People have their way of dealing with things - not just guys.
And I can speak about this certain thing with experience, since my own father passed away less than 3 weeks ago. (cancer)
I don't really feel the need to express the loss or do I feel the need to show it - not even when I'm alone. I did have sad moments and I of course also cried at the funeral.
If I have to be honest, I didn't and still don't like when people ask me "how are you taking it?" and "are you okay?". I know that people just want to show they care, but I don't like to answer such questions. I worry about whether I should show that I'm fine or I should be more upset. I don't like the expectations the society can have when it comes to grieving loss. It's like I suddenly become a heartless daughter for saying I'm fine.

I'm saying this because I maybe could relate a bit to your SO. Also since he mentioned the "not you as well" part. You need to trust that if he really was upset he would share it with you. I do feel it's okay for you to share and voice your own feelings regarding the death of his father. I personally wouldn't mind that. I just don't like when people are searching for emotional answers for me - especially not when they have society-based expectations to my answer. It mostly just results in me quickly changing the subject.

So I really don't think you should try and set a sad mood next month. If you want to be there for him, then rather follow his mood. It's not a pleasant feeling when people are trying to "push" sadness on to you when you really are "just fine". To me being "just fine" is just my way of moving on.

As long as you show you're there for him, I think that is the most important thing.
My SO hasn't once asked me if I was okay. He listened to me when I felt like talking about it, he lent me a shoulder when I needed to cry and he held my hand at the funeral. That was all I needed.

Please try to be happier