Is Closing the Distance A Commitment to Your SO for Marriage?

[Zapookie]

I certainly don't want to get married straight away. I want us to experience living CD together for a while before we jump into anything. Marriage is a serious commitment and divorces are expensive, and I'd want us to be 100% sure about it and that we're doing it for the right reasons.

My family don't expect me to get married straight away, neither do my friends. Although I think my mother is worried I'm going to get pregnant before any of that happens, will try my best not to though. lol.

[Engel]

When I first moved to Germany, with 21 yo it was insane how many people, specially my aunt (-.-), were putting preassure on me to get married. I ignored it, and would say once: it is my life, not yours, you dont pay for my bills, you dont decide how I live my life, and you have done the same before. sure i would only say that when ive had enough, but it usually did the trick to shut them up. it was annoying, i was so excited to be moving to germany, and they were one step forward, seeing me getting married. now im getting married, some people are asking me about babies!!! they will never be satisfied, when i have a baby, they will ask me about the second baby. there will always be people to meddle into our lives. or try to. just live YOUR life howeever you want.

[ushiwakafox]

It's funny, originally our plan was to live together right off the bat, I decided against that and since his lease is up a couple months after I move there, I'm going to live separately for a little adjustment period.

I think that's a good idea to live on your own for awhile. It'll help you to get adjusted living in a new place. For me, it helped smooth out the transition. Because not only would you be getting use to a new home and a new environment, you'd also be getting use to your SO, and also getting use to his living habits. All of that can be pretty stressful all at once.

[13000km]

Was closing the distance a commitment for marriage? Not for me. I came so we could work on our relationship close distance, and my primary reason was school, so most of my family and friends saw it as the beginning of our relationship, and were not expecting marriage from at all. Granted, I talked a lot about him but not of our relationship, so they probably had no idea how serious we were. Now that we've been together awhile, our relationship has started to move in that direction. But we hadn't even considered it outside of for visa purposes prior to my moving here.

[efish1042]

I'm probably going to close the distance because of school. So not for us, but we may get there... we've talked about it a little, but not seriously. We're a little young for marriage.

[Bethypoo]

I don't think that means that you are getting married. Like you said, you talk about/think about/ move towards getting married. But doesnt that happen in any relationship?

IDK, I personally dont think that moving should mean that people should plan you wedding. It is a natural step in a relationship that is serious. But I am also a very modern individual who thinks that you should live with the person even before you should propose...soooo yea.

[floridaellen]

I can understand how people can misunderstand though. You're in a serious relationship and moving to the place he lives. It seems like the next logical step. Obviously you know it doesn't mean marriage but many people would misunderstand. I think people are just concerned that you're eloping, you know?

When I move to my SO, it will probably mean marriage but it's not for 2.5 years so I'm not sure yet!

[Sierra]

I don't think anyone in my family is worried about me eloping.

I do understand that it's a logical step in a serious relationship, and it is a step that brings you closer to marriage in a serious relationship if that's your goal, but I feel like their focus on 'omg you're getting married' is putting undo pressure on me and taking away from what I'm REALLY proud of about making this move - going back to school and going to law school.

My family certainly thinks that you should live with someone before marriage, and they all know that I believe in that STRONGLY and would not rush into a marriage.

I just feel like telling them, look there's no ring on my finger can we just not talk about me getting married at all? It's not that it isn't my ultimate goal, it's just that I have too many OTHER things going on right now. It'll happen when it happens and who knows if my boyfriend is even the man I'm going to marry? I'm going to make the RIGHT choice and not end up like another statistic or another divorce file sitting on someone's desk like the one next to me now.

[Dziubka]

Is Closing the Distance A Commitment to Your SO for Marriage? IMO, Hell no. I seriously don't know why people are so gung-ho about bloody marriage honestly. However, seeming I think it's pretty daft to marry someone you've neither lived with nor lived in the same town with, I guess in a very broad sense it is a step toward marriage... but a commitment? Noo

I couldn't have put it better. I don't really understand the wedding excitement either. Ok, no, maybe that's wrong, because I'm looking forward to a wedding party as well, but I don't really understand people considering marriage (like in a more than "aw, it would be neat" sort of way) even before their first anniversary, especially when they're long distance. The way I see it, if you're planning to stay together for the rest of your lives, you have more than enough time to get married. There's no reason to rush that. Getting married doesn't make your relationship more resistant or valid or serious.

Moving in with someone or moving to their country/state/city (or both) is a big step and it's a commitment in a way that usually if you move, you give up something. Your appartment, your friends, your job, whatever. Living together definitely does make breaking up harder, so if you want to keep the easy way out open, you won't move in with someone. It doesn't necessarily have to lead to marriage, though - not everyone's goal in life is getting married and not everyone sees marriage as the queen of relationships.