Unexpected bumps in the road...

[saraallison]

So, there's kind of a lot to my story.
here's the condensed version:
He got discharged from the Air Force, we moved to Florida with his family. His family moved to Georgia and we went along too. There were some problems and I moved home to my mom's. The original plan was that he was going to save up some money and move out here with me. That's not going to happen.

some details.
He was going to visit for my birthday, but his parents basically said "if you go visit, stay there. Don't come back" They say it's because he needs to learn how to be responsible and save money(something neither of us are very good at, hence living at home) but I'm not quite sure what that proves?
So, he's not willing to come out here if he's going to lose his family. Totally understandable. but yeah, basically, no visits.

He was going to move out here, but like I said above, not happening due to money and his family and he's moved around a bunch and he just wants to settle down for a bit, which I understand but have a little of a problem with(I'll explain later)

So our "plan b" that we just kind of formulated the idea the other day is that he rejoins the Air Force and I just go with him wherever he goes. There are flaws in that plan too, but it was a start. Well he found out a few hours ago that he basically has to wait until September for an opening. So there goes that.

My frustrations:
I moved across the country for him, but he won't show the same courtesy. I know that the circumstances are different, but I'm also the only one trying to figure things out. When I ask him about it all he says is "I don't know" a bunch of times and we've been arguing a lot more lately about it. I can't be the only one putting in effort, but I want to be with him.

SO, basically what I'm asking you guys is if you have any ideas or advice. He can't visit, and I'm not about to move BACK to Georgia and in with his family and uproot my life all over again. Also, sorry it was long. I think I actually left out a lot of detail, so sorry that it's long and vauge. I'm new...I'll get better at this...hopefully.

[blankita719]

So he can't come visit you, but what about you visiting him? If that out of the question?

[squirrelz15]

Yeah, I understand that neither of you want too move. Though someone will have to at some point in order to close the distance. Is it possible for you to visit him? Is financing an issue? Maybe since he can't come to you he'd be able to chip in for costs of travel and such?

[digitalfever]

One of you is going to have to move at some point.

Why not take the whole moving thing off the table and just visit each other and then come back to the topic of who/what/where/when after you've seen each other.

[Kairi19]

Like the others say, it seems just visiting him for now is the best option. Then when your financial situations are easier you could talk about the next step. Ask him about possibly halving the travel expenses between the two of you, just so you're not having to constantly fork out money.

[13000km]

What was the tone used when his family asked him to move instead of visit? The vibe I am getting is that they want him to move for his own good. They know he doesn't have the resources to afford multiple visits, and probably think it is time for him to commit to something and see it all the way through. If that is the case, he should save up a bit more money, then make the move. It will be hard to be far away from his family but it would not mean losing them completely.

On the other hand, if they are threatening to cut contact with him if he moves to you, like the other responses say, a visit is the best option at this point. Have a good long talk about this, and if possible discuss this with his family too, to understand their opinions about the relationship clearly, and ask what is it they want from him/you. From there, see if you can form another plan to close the distance. Good luck!

[Bethypoo]

I think that the visiting should be fair however some people can travel more than others or there are just odd circumstances. But you need both realize that someone is going to have to move. Why not join the airforce in september. It is better than nothing. But to live with him you have to be married unless is lives off base... which is more expensive. buuuut yea. It is defiantly a serious conversation that you will need to have soon. So set a day and time for it. Dont talk about it until then. Both make your points and go from there.

Good luck.

[saraallison]

Thanks guys. Sorry it's taken me SO long to respond, my internet has been down for a while. Anyways, I can't really visit him as I actually have a new job so I can't just say "oh by the way I'm leaving for a week" or whatever. I need to show my boss that I'm serious about this. I'm not really the person who asks for time off, you know? On top of that, it would be more expensive for me, because I won't stay with his family, it's just too tense for that.