If he cheated then, will he cheat now?

[greensweatergirl]

Why? Not because of the investment or the time, but because it would still be worth it, even after that.
And because I think we as a society have a lopsided view of fidelity. Instead of giving credit in a relationship or marriage for the hundreds of days and nights a partner chose not to cheat in the face of temptation, we are willing to say all that effort was worthless because they fell off the wagon ONCE. How is that fair? How is that logical or resonable? Why would you throw away an otherwise fulfilling and happy relationship over 15 minutes of sweating and grunting? Surely a couple who has already gone through so much can find a solution to the underlying problem?

I agree with this so, so much. I'd never toss away an otherwise fulfilling relationship, and a person I loved, simply because they screwed up one time. Why throw away an entire life because they messed up, which we all do? But I too, would never tell my boyfriend that I'd keep him around even if he did cheat.

Someone above posted that a relationship could never be as fulfilling as it was before cheating, which is completely untrue. My dad cheated on my mom ten years ago, and they are still married today. They laugh more, they talk more, they do more things together now than they ever did before my dad cheated.

[Sora1101]

It depends I guess, I know that if he admitted to being a cheater I would constantly worry and have very little trust in him but I also believe people cheat because there is something missing from their relationship, I don't condone cheating, but that usually seems to be the main cause of unfaithfulness so I'd also want to believe that I'd be enough for my SO, that he wouldn't need to cheat to satisfy something else. But that worry I think would always be in the back of my mind and it's hard to say if I could continue to be in a relationship with a cheater, if he can do it once he can do it again, easily.

[SDPersona]

I know you weren't talking to me specifically, but I wanted to say that, like may other's probably do, I have considered what I would do if I were cheated on by Obi.

I don't like him to know it, but I'd stay. There isn't a question about it. Unless it was some mad ongoing affiar, he didn't love me but was too scared to leave or something drastic, I'd stick it out.

Why? Not because of the investment or the time, but because it would still be worth it, even after that.
And because I think we as a society have a lopsided view of fidelity. Instead of giving credit in a relationship or marriage for the hundreds of days and nights a partner chose not to cheat in the face of temptation, we are willing to say all that effort was worthless because they fell off the wagon ONCE. How is that fair? How is that logical or resonable? Why would you throw away an otherwise fulfilling and happy relationship over 15 minutes of sweating and grunting? Surely a couple who has already gone through so much can find a solution to the underlying problem?

You took the words right out of my mouth! If it was just a one-time thing not a long-lasting secret affair, then I wouldn't think about breaking up for good. Lots of people do that though and that's what I meant with walking away being the easy way out. It's less about the sorts of investment even if it obviously plays a role. Were my boyfriend to cheat again, THEN I'd go.