I don't remember ever feeling this bad

[oviefan]

Sorry for the double posts, but my pc broke so I'm on my playbook.. I can only make them so long.
Ok so.. during the end of our break, she finaly received what I sent her for christmas, so one of my shirt, a love letter and some earings I made specially for her. She told me right away that she loved them and that she was wearing them at any chance she had..I didn't even ask, so I really feel it comes from her heart. I had some leftover christmas money, so I decided to do something crazy.. I had already found a florist near her..
So I bought a prepaid credit card, with that I bought her some flowers and I had it delivered to her workplace with the following note;

I might not be the richest. I might not be the strongest nor the oldest.. actually.. I'm probably the youngest. I live far away, I can't see you at work or hang out with you on weekends. I don't speak arabic or romanian, and I have a hard to pronounce last name. I might not be perfect, but I love you.

You brighten my days simply with your smile. Just hearing your voice makes my problems and fears go away. You keep me up at night and make me dream during most lectures. I might not be perfect, but you are.

I love you Diana.. I do and I really am serious about you, about us. I am not playing now and I never will. I don't want to hurt you now, and I never will. I want to be with you now and I always will.
I love you didi.. the most beautiful woman.. the best lobby hostess.. the woman of my dreams.. I love you.
-Your jojo

She had no idea
She sent me messages while she was working.. saying that I made her year.. that she loved me and that the note even made 2 of her coworkers cry..
That was 2 days ago. She even sent me a quick message this morning telling me that she misses me.. this never happened before.. So I think that if I keep the drama out of our relationship, we wont have any problem.
I love her and I know she loves me, so I'll give this whole thing a real, honest try.

[oviefan]

ok.. time for an update They say only the fools dont change their minds right..
We did have a chat, but not like I expected. It must have been a good month since we had a chat that nice..relaxing..worry free.. it was just perfect. I think I narrowed it down and found out what was tha problem. I think that for different reasons, we weren't able to have chat like that. So because of that, of course she liked when other guys provided that to her. Making her feel good, making her laugh, and just being nice without any drama or questions.
I know she didn't do anything physical, so I figured that if I could be nice.. if I could be the one she felt for.. not the one who overthinks and asks alot of questions, then it would work. We had a very good time.. and we both agreed that we really missed chat like that. I dont want to end it with her, I want to continue this. I think that going through all this made us stronger and made me realise what will drive her away.

[krabuzh]

Honestly.. your heart and only yourself who knows what would be better for your relationship with your gf. If we all here said that it's better for you to be friend only and then your heart said the contrary thing then it's useless, and vice versa. A heart never lie, you know..

But I will give you example from my own experience. I am now in an open relationship with my man. We are 'just friend' at the moment since we broke up last September'11. But ever since our breaking up, our relationship is getting better and better each passing days. *nods* Never in our previous relationship, he showed his affection and all to me like he does now. But still, it's not final.. who knows what will happen, though I hope for the best.

From my story, one thing that you can get. Being friend doesn't meant the end of everything. It can be a new chance for your relationship. But keep in mind there's always two options from it:
- Your feeling and her feeling get better and get stronger for each other
- Both of you realized that it's better to be just friend and not more than that

So whatever the result will be, just be prepared and accept it.
All the best for you and good luck! *hugs*

[Engel]

I'll sleep on it and talk to her tomorow. My point of view is that only good can come out of this..
Either I get the truth and she has/wants/thinks about cheating.. then I guess we're done and I'm better off. Or she tells me all there is to it, and I realise that nothing too serious happened, we set very deffined limits on what is ok with other people and we end up happy..
I guess that in the long run, I'll be ok.. but I'm just so sad and confused right now.

I hope everything gets sorted. you seem like a sweet guy, and you deserve to be happy. with someone that will be faithful to you physically and emotionally.

[Zephii]

I'm glad you're feeling better
Sorry I don't have any advice today.

[oviefan]

Ok so.. we haven't been able to talk yet. My feelings changed, it's like it went from being depressed to feeling better. Actually, sad to say, but I haven't felt this good in a few weeks. We both have alot in common, and we understand eachother like no other before. I think she wants me to stay in her life, just like I would want her to be a part of mine. I guess that right now, with everything, the timming just isn't right. If we are ment to be together, we will in a few years from now.. at some point, but it,s not my biggest concern right now. And also, as much as she is important to me, I'm still only 18. I would need to save about 4000$ just to go spen a week with her.. that money could go a long way in many other things.

I think we both would be better off as friends, but here's my problem..I've never done this before. I don't have any ex with whom I actually kept in touch.. I only have experience with bad/nasty break-ups. I just want her to be my friend, just a good friend of mine that I can talk to when I have problems, and she would do the same for me. This would also give me a chance to learn the actual truth about everything that happened during our relationship. So I'm asking you guys..do you think I would be making the right move by just being friends? and also, well.. how do I go from there? I don,t want to fight with her.
Thank you

[Sierra]

I would be too if I was in your situation. I wish I had some advice for you, but in the end what you do is up to you. Some couples can move past things like this if it's what both people want, sometimes they can't, but I wish you nothing but the best and happiness with someone who'll cherish you.

[oviefan]

I'll sleep on it and talk to her tomorow. My point of view is that only good can come out of this..
Either I get the truth and she has/wants/thinks about cheating.. then I guess we're done and I'm better off. Or she tells me all there is to it, and I realise that nothing too serious happened, we set very deffined limits on what is ok with other people and we end up happy..
I guess that in the long run, I'll be ok.. but I'm just so sad and confused right now.

[oviefan]

I think one of the problems might also be that she's not sure if I'm serious. Maybe she feels that because of I'm younger, I might still only be playing a game. The most recent messages from her were less flirtatious then the older ones. I think I have a good and semi-true way of bringing it up without her feeling like I'm not trusting her or like I know more then I should.
One of my close friends recently went through a pretty ugly breakup where things came out. My idea is to simply tell her that my friend's situation along with the stress from other issues (real family problems) made me worry. I'll simply tellher that I want to know, and just ask her a few questions about her + other guys.
Thank you for your reply, anything really helps


yes, we did talk about that, a few times. She told me that there isn't anything going on with any other guy. We also discussed dancing, where to draw the line. I did talk to her about the pics with the other guy before, and she apologised and said it was a mistake (she really said it fast..didn't feel like a real, honest apologie)

[Sierra]

I agree with Zephii, and I have to ask because for some people this discussion has to be had even if you are dating, did you guys ever talk about or decide to be exclusive to each other? If you mention it in the post I'm sorry I missed it, speed reader.

[Zephii]

I've seen this kind of thing before. She's keeping her irons in the fire... seeing if there's a better deal out there before she throws in her lot with you. It's dishonest, and cheating doesn't need to be physical to be a breach of trust.

I'm not sure if in your position I'd be willing to battle for such a young relationship with it's trust already damaged. But, on the other hand, because the relationship is still young, that's likely why she feels it's ok to check the bargin bin before checking out of the shop with one purchace...

I guess just talk to her and see where it goes. If it was me though, I'd expect the relationship to go public before things were to continue. I'd want a way to feel sure she was courting me and only me. Sorry I'm not much help today.

[oviefan]

Hi.. please read this whole thing.. I know it's long but I really need to get it out.. and hopefully get some advices.

So.. Things haven't been too great with my SO lately. With work, the holiday, vacations and a bunch of other stuff, we haven't been able to talk much. About 2 weeks ago, we had a discution about our feelings. She told me that she wasn't sure anymore about some stuff, and that she wanted a break for a few days. I was devastated. I felt like it was a break up, and it was on new years too.. so I got really drunk, which obviously didn't help to make me any happier. We agreed that we would still keep in touch during the break, and that we would stay faithful and all that stuff. I realised a few days in what I think might be the real reason behind the break. Her dad died 3 years ago, on january 15th. I think the mix of that, with all the work she does (10 hours per day, 6 days per week) and maybe some doubts about our age difference (7 years..) made her reasons for the break.
We did talk again last sunday. She told me different stuff. She told me that she dosen't want to make me sad, that's it's just a phase where she needs some space. She said that she really loves me, that I'm still her family (both her parents died years ago and she has no siblings). She said that it was just temporary and that we would get back to like we were before in no time.
So I sticked with the break. It's now been a few days and the 15th is approching. She made a last-memories website for her father, where you can go and write stuff. She did give me the password a while back. So I decided that now would be a good time to write a nice condolence. After I did so, I wondered if she used that same password for other stuff..
So I tried her facebook... well.. turns out it,s the same password.
I immidieatly logged out of her facebook, but about 30 minutes ago, I just couldn't resist the urge.
I went on it again and decided to check her messages.. I'm still debating whether it was a good or bad idea..
Keep in mind that we have been *together* since september 11th by the way.
I found that just a few days ago, she had a nice chat with another guy. Where they almost made plans to meet up. She calls him only a friend in the messages, but he keep flirting really heavily, then she gives him her yahoo messenger, so I don,t know how it ends up. Another one, that taking place on the 4th. A guy calls her *my love*, and have some kind of small argument, and she says something like *I never know with you, you say you love me some day then you ignore me for days*. And finaly, and that chat was on december 18th, with a 3rd guy.. She says how she really likes him, that she wants to know if he likes her the same way. That she's not used to hitting on guys like that.. you get the picture.
I saw a picture, but that was on my facebook, of her at a christmas party. She was dancing with another guy (4th one ?!) and they were really close.. hands behind the neck.. lower back.. even another picture where they have the side of their faces pressing against the other.
Now.. I don't know what to do.

I do believe that she never cheated on me physicaly.. I think so..
She obviously had some pretty flirtatious chat with guys.. and when one asked her if she was taken, she said that she was single (I don't know about this one.. she likes to keep relationship stuff private, that isn't new).
I know what I did was incredibly wrong.. but now I really need to talk to her. I need to ask her if she did something with other guys.. if she really loves me.. if she's flirting.. I know some of the answers to that, but I will never ever tell her that I read her facebook..well if we don't break up that is. I think I need to ask her about all that.. Maybe worrying too much with messages taken out of context, but I,d rather know and be sad then live a lie.
all this.. I feel so betrayed..so sad.. I was and am still willing to do so much for that girl..
what should I do...? oh.. and really.. thank you if you read up to here, it really means alot.