Nothing is going to plan :(

[lucybelle]

I think when people don't feel the need to tell you how mature you are, that's when you are actually mature. Because when I think about it, I haven't been told that since I was in high school. And when was the last time you told some who was 30 or even just 20 that they were mature?

Though, I am very happy to hear you have some visits lined up! I am rooting for you, I really am

[Xanahtas]

They dont just say it, like i was talking to the teacher im currently working with today about things. And she just said to me "How old are you? I always seem to think your older because your very mature for your age" So its just like hooked on the end of something, not just "oh your mature" kinda thing, if that makes ANY sense at all :L
Thanks, hopefully all goes well and i get these next few jobs or at least one of them, then i can get saving for it

[floridaellen]

@Floridaellen - my grandparents married very young too, and they're in the 70's now, and Sud's best friend is the same age as him and getting married now. Mum has said she does support my marriage and she knows we're doing the right thing for us. She is just looking out for us.

I understand. As I said, I have nothing against young marriages. My SO and I are 19 and not engaged but if everything goes to plan we will be married by 22 (after my undergrad and halfway through his but better for closing the distance and a place to live) or 24 (after my grad school and his undergrad). Just looking out for you

[Engel]

It sounds like your parents did not take your relationship (and your committment to your partner) seriously when you first started seeing him and they were placating you. Now that they see you are taking serious steps towards joining your partner they are afraid.

How old are you? Are you planning to attend university in the U.K. or Canada? If you plan to attend university in Canada how will you pay for it? You mentioned that you and your partner are planning to get married...are you parents at all aware of these plans?

I think the best move would be to sit down with your parents and have a serious discussion about your relationship and your future. Set the meeting up. Be prepared. Be organized. Don't get angry. Don't allow them to paint you as "irrational." Be an adult and have a calm and serious discussion.

You should also take a step back and think about everything they have said. You are very young and have your entire life in front of you. Make sure you are ultimately doing what is best for YOU! *hugs*

I agree with thatgirllit completely. It sounds as if your parents didn't take your plans to get married seriously, are now realizing that both of you truly intend on getting married, and are panicking. You two are both very young and marriage is a legally binding commitment that is quite hard (and expensive) to get out of once in. Quite honestly, if I were your mom, I'd be afraid too.

The job market is really not that great in any country right now. Have you thought about applying to university in Canada, or Sud attending uni in England? You two would be able to be together for years while furthering your education and investing in your future. I've held my tongue because you weren't previously asking for advice, but, you're 16 years old. I don't doubt that you love your SO, but, is now really the right time to get married? Don't you think it might be infinitely wiser to wait at least until you've finished uni and have much better job prospects/have lived on your own/even just lived life a little more? You two have the rest of your lives to be together, and I honestly worry that if you marry so soon and so young, your relationship will crack under the pressure, and I'd hate to see that happen needlessly to two people who are obviously in love.

please dont feel the need to rush anything!! You are still 16, whilst I understand that getting married may make it easier for you to move between countries, I dont see why it is the be all and end all, many people live together for a significant amount of time before the subject of marriage is even brought up. I'm not saying that this will be true of your situation, but during your teenage years you mature and change alot, what feels like the right decision at that moment may not necessarily be the best thing for your future. Please remember that your parents only want whats best for you and do have a significantly greater amount of life experience. [COLOR="Silver"]

Of course your parents are scared for you. Hell I'M scared for you and I don't even know you. I've celebrated with you on your engagement and have seen your beautiful dress, but I must say I've never thought it was a good idea. You're going to do what your heart leads you to, but I'll say my piece anyways.

"I act mature for my age" is a BS statement. That's like saying "I'm at an age where everyone acts like a butt hole. And all those butt hole friends of mine tell me I don't act quite as much like a butt hole as they do." It doesn't matter if you're "mature for your age", what matters is if you're mature! The reason your parents and I and some of the other people on this board are afraid for you, is they all have been 16. They all have been 18. And they know that these ages are not ages where you want to make decisions like this.

To put it plainly, I don't think you should get married yet. I don't think waiting until you're 18 is a good idea. I think when you're 18 you should close the distance. Then spend a few years getting your life together. Then, only when you're settled and ready, should you get married.[COLOR="Silver"]

I agree with the above posts. And I also didn't say my honest opinion on this and held myself many times because you weren't asking for advice. so I will say it all now, and I hope you don't see it as me being rude, because thats not my intention!

I understand your parents reaction, because I would act the same way if it was my kid.
I have a 16 year old brother, that is really mature for his age as well, most of the time anyway, and he is nowhere near ready to get married, not really. no 16 year old I ever met was ready to get married as young as 17 or 18.
I saw pictures of your beautiful wedding dress. it is beautiful, but maybe you bought it too soon, you are 16, and not even your body is fully mature. you will still change physically and mentally. a lot. more than you can possibly imagine right now.

A good friend of mine was telling me about her friend, that got married at 19, the girl is brazilian, the husband german. they were 2 years together when they got married, and very much in love. and still are. she is 20 now, he is 21. but she goes out sometimes and wants to stay up as late as my friend, and when drunk complains about having gotten married so early, even loving her husband. marriage is a huge responsibility, and some people just realize how huge it is when they are married.

you are both young, why not enjoy life a little as boyfriend and girlfriend, or even being engaged a while longer, lets say one or two years more, before getting married. I wish you all the best, is just every time I see you talking about getting married I think about how young you are, and how I hope this is the right thing for you to do at this exact moment, and I agree with cynic, that would be a shame, if too much responsibility too early could damage a relationship between two people that clearly love each other so much.

[Xanahtas]

I dont see it as rude at all, i know people wont always see why i want to marry so young. But i always have wanted to, ever since i can remember. I only ever wanted to meet someone, get married and have a family once we're ready; really thats been my one biggest dream. And i know it'll be hard and marriage is a huge deal, but I know this is right for me

[Engel]

I dont see it as rude at all, i know people wont always see why i want to marry so young. But i always have wanted to, ever since i can remember. I only ever wanted to meet someone, get married and have a family once we're ready; really thats been my one biggest dream. And i know it'll be hard and marriage is a huge deal, but I know this is right for me

If you are really set on marrying that young, please wait a couple more years until you have kids! At least until 21 or something, because as I said, not even your body is fully mature right now! I'm getting married and already some people asked me about when babies will come along. and i will wait at least 3 more years.
enjoy life as a couple, travel, go out together, enjoy each other. having kids isn't the fairy tale you may have pictured in your head. babies cry, and even though they are adorable, sometimes you wish there was a button to switch them off for some hours. i don't have kids, but i babysit a lot for my cousins kids when I'm in brazil, since i was 16, so i have spent many nights badly slept taking care of babies. is nice to give me some experience to when i have my own, but it also made me see clearly what is the reality of having a small kid.

many places you won't be able to go, because the baby is with you, or won't enjoy as much as you would without the kid.

when i have my babies, i want to be ready to devote myself to them, and not resent them in any way, shape or form because there are things i would like to do as well and they are keeping me from it. my biggest dream is to be a mother. but all in the right time

[Xanahtas]

Dont worry, no kids for a few years yet! We wanna travel about the world and see things, and go places! I work with kids and they're a lot of hassel XD I still want to go back to College later and get my career and get money sorted first. So dont worry, no kids yet! lol

[CynicalQuixotic]

I dont see it as rude at all, i know people wont always see why i want to marry so young. But i always have wanted to, ever since i can remember. I only ever wanted to meet someone, get married and have a family once we're ready; really thats been my one biggest dream. And i know it'll be hard and marriage is a huge deal, but I know this is right for me

This is exactly what worries me. There is so much more to life than getting married. You are a smart and capable girl with your whole life ahead of you, you have the potential to accomplish so much. Please don't define yourself by an arbitrary social construct.

[floridaellen]

This is exactly what worries me. There is so much more to life than getting married. You are a smart and capable girl with your whole life ahead of you, you have the potential to accomplish so much. Please don't define yourself by an arbitrary social construct.

I don't know how to multiquote haha can't figure it out! So I'll reply here.

I don't think she meant it was her only goal, just one of them. I have many goals in life, including opening my own speech therapy practice specifically dealing with children with disabilities and traveling the world. I also have a goal of getting married. I think that's more what she meant rather than just marriage. But I could be wrong.

[Xanahtas]

I have many goals in life, not just this. I want to open my own business in either childcare or open a restaurant with Sud, i want to travel to places ive always wanted to go, i want to attempt to write my own book someday too. I have many other goals aswell, and i dont intend on not doing them or giving up coz im married. Now i just have a life partner to share and celebrate all of it with and help me

[goalie_girl34]

I just dont see why you wouldnt wait....if you love each other as much as you say you do then he will still be around, you guys will still be a couple and the two of you will be more ready. I'm nearly 21 and if (when, lol) my SO and I get married it wont be for another year or two. I agree with Engel, your body isnt even mature yet, and neither is your mind no matter how mature you say you are. You're still a child.

One of the things that worries me about you is how sure you seem about this marriage, like you dont even have the slightest trace of doubt or apprehension about getting married at this age. You just keep putting smilies and saying you know this is best for you. THAT is the biggest red flag. Even adults who have been in relationships much longer than you have dont just jump into marriage all smiles and saying they know everything will be perfect. They realize its a big step in their lives that means sharing everything with their partner including legal duties and a whole bunch of not so fun stuff. Marriage isn't all smiles. You should go to school, establish at least some sort of job or career path for yourself and focus on making yourself a whole, fulfilled adult before you join someone else in that stage of their life forever.

From a Huffington Post article on teenage marriage:

....Studies show that today teenage marriages are two to three times more likely to end in divorce than are marriages between people 25 years of age and older. The most comprehensive study on marriage and age that sociologists cite was published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in 2001, from 1995 data, and it found that 48 percent of those who marry before 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared with 24 percent of those who marry after age 25.




Wait, wait, wait until you are both more mature and are ready for marriage and everything that comes with it. You just aren't yet...sorry if that hurts but its the truth. It may feel unfair that I'm judging you and your SO without having met you or knowing all your circumstances but what I do know is that at age 16 we all think we know everything, and we dont.

[Zapookie]

I really think you should wait as well. I'm only 20, but I can tell you that I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted when I was 16. To tell you the truth though, I didn't really discover myself until I was about 18-19, and everything I thought I knew changed. I ended up cutting a lot of people out of my life because I realised they weren't good for me and only brought in negative energy.

The age you're coming up to is very crucial to your development as a person, you'll learn many more things and your attitudes towards particular things may change.

You and Sud should focus more on closing the distance and living together for a while, rather than focusing on marriage. Visits are a lot different to living with someone as a couple under the same roof and sharing your day to day life with them.

My SO and I briefly talked about getting a fiancees visa so that he could stay here and we could get married, but both of us felt it was too soon. We want to live together and do stuff together for a while like any other couple who lives CD. I want to revel in that feeling knowing that we've finally reached that goal we've been striving for, which was just to be able to wake up next to each other every day. Once we've done all that, then would probably be the right time to get engaged. I have no doubt in my mind that we're going to get married one day, just not right now. Things change, people change, life is never certain.

[Xanahtas]

@goalie_girl34 - I know its not all gonna be perfect and all smiles. Im not jumping into anything, i know exactly what im doing, exactly what it means, what im commiting to and exactly what happens if it doesnt work out. Obviously there is always that slight chance we wouldnt work out, but that is in every relationship. What some people my age would and wouldnt do is their opinions. Not mine.

Not trying to get snappy, but i didnt come on here for advice about my age when i get married, i just wanted some advice on the situation i was in. No amount of persuading is gonna make me change my mind about it.

[goalie_girl34]

@goalie_girl34 - I know its not all gonna be perfect and all smiles. Im not jumping into anything, i know exactly what im doing, exactly what it means, what im commiting to and exactly what happens if it doesnt work out. Obviously there is always that slight chance we wouldnt work out, but that is in every relationship. What some people my age would and wouldnt do is their opinions. Not mine.

Not trying to get snappy, but i didnt come on here for advice about my age when i get married, i just wanted some advice on the situation i was in. No amount of persuading is gonna make me change my mind about it.

Like I said, at 16 we think we know everything and we dont. You DONT know exactly what it means, you DONT know exactly what you're doing, you DONT know exactly what you're committing to, and you DONT know exactly what happens if it doesnt work out. How the hell would you know all that?! How? Nobody who is mature and realistic about marriage would say what you just said. Maybe if you had been married previously you could say you have an idea what marriage is but even then one could argue that every marriage is different and if your first marriage failed maybe you still dont know all those things. You just keep proving my point that at 16 you think you know everything and you're too young for this when you repeatedly say that you know EVERYTHING about marriage and exactly how its going to work. Getting snappy doesnt change the fact that I'm telling you the truth. You dont know exactly how marriage works, because NO ONE does before they have been married. Even though this is my opinion the majority here agree, like I said I'm not trying to be mean I'm trying to be realistic and share what little wisdom I have that comes from being an adult. But, also thats what this site is for, sharing opinions. So no amount of persuading will change your mind about it....oh well. Its not my marriage, its not my life. I wish you guys all the happiness and success in the world but you have a lot of growing up to do, a lot.

[Xanahtas]

@goalie_girl34 I do know, my mum and me are very close and my parents have had a very good marriage, Me and my mum often have talks about it. So before you start saying i dont, i do. Im not saying i know every litte tiny tiny detail, but i know a good amount. My mum has been divorced and she has spoken to me about all that too.
As i said before, i didnt post this topic to have a lecture about my age. I was looking for advice on a completely different subject. Now im going to be closing this thread because i dont want lectures on how i should wait to get married. And i especially dont want lectures about how i know nothing about marriage.