i am so stressed out.. help me =(

[English Rose x]

basically, i have been with my OH for a year and 5 months. we began chatting online in september 2008 and had an on/off friendship (due to my manipulative psycho best friend hating us talking), and we got together in august 2010 during his visit her. since then he has stayed september 2010 for a weekend, october-february'11 and july '11-feb'12. i'm so very lucky he can visit for such durations, he fills all the gaps i've been missing when we're together. i have never, ever, felt so in love before, i can tell him anything and he is basically my rock.

when he goes back, though. i literally fall apart, tomorrow is 1 month exactly left in england. he's really excited to go back to see his friends in the netherlands but i feel a bit apphrensive. i don't have many of my own friends, and i am wary of new people due to being backstabbed a lot and screwed over. i have one good friend outside of college and a few normal ones in college but its not typical of what most people have as friends,
i have tried to be nice to his friends but two of his girl mates don't like me, one moaned to him when i added her on fb trying to be nice and have a chat, and the other was so excited he was back she was going to 'get a bed ready for him'. i misintrepreted that at the time and got extremely upset, i learnt that her uncle is my boyfriends mums boyfriend..(sorry thats a bit longwinded lol)
one of his boy friends thinks i'm okay and the other one always goes a bit weird when i talk to him. my life is basically my boyfriend. i have a horse who i'm really lucky to own and i spend all my money on her. i don't have a passport and can't afford to renew it atm, and i'm balancing my last year of college before going to uni this september. when we are apart it is so hard. i am on tenterhooks constantly, terrified of getting moody. things are so easily misintrepreted over text/msn etc. last time we spent 6 months apart and we skyped hardly at all, he never has time to. basically i feel absolutely lost. i keep crying and i just don't want to lose him. he misses his friends and family a lot which is perfectly normal and i encourage him to phone them whenever he wants etc, and i'm happy hes seeing them again, but i feel i am being slightly pushed out, i have a theory in my head that his friends don't really like me (i think that the girl ones don't anyway)..
i'm sorry for rambling. i'm just so upset. he is my absolute world and i would do anything for him! i know i need to grow a pair, and man up, but he is literally the other half of me. one of my friends has said that i need to de-attach myself from him and not let everything revolve around him; i don't, i let it revolve round my college work (which is stressful) and my pony. my mum is very stressed a lot too and is always shouting about financial problems... i am 19 and he is nearly 21...
i just don't know what to do, i'm scared of being alone again and crying myself to sleep..

[Engel]

I don't know what to say, really. i know how it is to feel bad like this, and you are braver than I am, when I was long distance (closed the distance now and will get married in 16 days), we needed to have contact everyday, at least on email, or a really quick Skype call at least. the days we didn't Skype, i felt bad. i need closeness to be in a relationship, and being LD was the hardest thing I ever did. so those Skype calls were the only thing that kept me going or else I would feel I wasn't in a relationship at all. I'm rambling here as well, sorry


can't you work? to save some money to go and visit him? do you have plans to close the distance? are you learning his language? learning his language could be a nice way to spend the time you aren't talking, and a goal towards your future together

[snow_girl]

I think trying to meet some people would be a good idea. Just because you've been hurt by past friends doesn't mean it will happen again. Having someone to hang out with once he leaves will help a ton. Also who cares what his friends think of you, I'm sure your making it out worse then it is with them.

[Bethypoo]

You cant be to sad that he does have his own life. It is had for someone your age to not focus their life in the person that they are dating, and that goes for alot of people. Set up a schedule of when you guys will talk. Talk about all of this before you get separated that way you can deal with it together, i have found this helps for me.

After he leaves, dont dwell so much on what you don't have. Go out with the friends that you do have. Also, a way to distract yourself is to study more in the school library than at home. It make you focus a bit more on what you are suppose to be doing and not on the fact that the two of you aren't talking at that moment.

Are you planning on closing the distance? If so how/when? Talk more about this with your SO for two reasons: 1) make sure you are on the same page about who is moving, when, where and how and 2) that way you have something to look forward to.

[English Rose x]

hi all, thanks for the replies!!
i was very emotional when i posted this topic but i'm in a clearer mind now so i can reply.

engel; i'm looking for a job practically every day i'm determined not to give up! i'd love to go and visit him there, his family really want to meet me.
snow_girl: yeah i think i do make things out worse than they are. i overreact a lot when i'm upset or thinking too much! i'm tryign to make more friends but i am just not a social butterfly, i'm trying but its so hard. :/
bethy; i agree. thank you as for closing the distance.. in july he is supposedly staying a whole year! if he gets work exp here. if not i will only see him in summer and maybe christmas. i'm going to uni this september so, we're hoping to close the distance 4 years after (he still has one more college course to go) but i will bring it up tonight as it would be lovely to have something to 'definitley' look forward to!x

[digitalfever]

I understand how it feels to be hurt, backstabbed by friends and the whole nine yards. However, I do think that at this point if you want your relationship to work out in the long you’re going to need to find something that is your own and create your own life that doesn’t fully centre around your boyfriends.
This is hard. TRUST ME. I know a lot of my friends start to become all about their boyfriend and while this is natural to some extent I would highly recommend trying to find hobbies, friends and activities you enjoy doing on your own. Your friend may be right, you state that he is your WORLD but then say you don’t let your life revolve around him. Have you maybe thought about why you become so emotional and go through periods of stress and get moody?
You need to form a support system. Everyone has one and if they don’t everyone should. Try to find friends that you can trust. At the end of the day it isn’t about how many friends you have but the quality. Try and find things outside your horse and school work that distress your life and add to it. Your problem is very common!

[Ms.Justine]

basically, i have been with my OH for a year and 5 months. we began chatting online in september 2008 and had an on/off friendship (due to my manipulative psycho best friend hating us talking), and we got together in august 2010 during his visit her. since then he has stayed september 2010 for a weekend, october-february'11 and july '11-feb'12. i'm so very lucky he can visit for such durations, he fills all the gaps i've been missing when we're together. i have never, ever, felt so in love before, i can tell him anything and he is basically my rock.

when he goes back, though. i literally fall apart, tomorrow is 1 month exactly left in england. he's really excited to go back to see his friends in the netherlands but i feel a bit apphrensive. i don't have many of my own friends, and i am wary of new people due to being backstabbed a lot and screwed over. i have one good friend outside of college and a few normal ones in college but its not typical of what most people have as friends,
i have tried to be nice to his friends but two of his girl mates don't like me, one moaned to him when i added her on fb trying to be nice and have a chat, and the other was so excited he was back she was going to 'get a bed ready for him'. i misintrepreted that at the time and got extremely upset, i learnt that her uncle is my boyfriends mums boyfriend..(sorry thats a bit longwinded lol)
one of his boy friends thinks i'm okay and the other one always goes a bit weird when i talk to him. my life is basically my boyfriend. i have a horse who i'm really lucky to own and i spend all my money on her. i don't have a passport and can't afford to renew it atm, and i'm balancing my last year of college before going to uni this september. when we are apart it is so hard. i am on tenterhooks constantly, terrified of getting moody. things are so easily misintrepreted over text/msn etc. last time we spent 6 months apart and we skyped hardly at all, he never has time to. basically i feel absolutely lost. i keep crying and i just don't want to lose him. he misses his friends and family a lot which is perfectly normal and i encourage him to phone them whenever he wants etc, and i'm happy hes seeing them again, but i feel i am being slightly pushed out, i have a theory in my head that his friends don't really like me (i think that the girl ones don't anyway)..
i'm sorry for rambling. i'm just so upset. he is my absolute world and i would do anything for him! i know i need to grow a pair, and man up, but he is literally the other half of me. one of my friends has said that i need to de-attach myself from him and not let everything revolve around him; i don't, i let it revolve round my college work (which is stressful) and my pony. my mum is very stressed a lot too and is always shouting about financial problems... i am 19 and he is nearly 21...
i just don't know what to do, i'm scared of being alone again and crying myself to sleep..

I feel as though you are suffering from co-dependency. This happens when someone has the fear of being alone and independent. They need to be surrounded with love and affection in order to feel 'ok'. Which puzzles me that you are even in a LDR because being in a LDR you need to be very independent. Okay so from what I got here is
1.) You don't have a lot of friends (which is okay)
2.) You're a student as am I (therefore broke)
3.) You're a very nice person who just wants to be loved in the end. (Who doesn't?)
4.)You're trying to include yourself into his life/social circle. (Natural)

So firstly, I am assuming you are an introverted person which makes making friends and being in "a group" difficult. I am an extrovert and I love making friends with introverted people. They always seem to have the brightest and genuine personality from which you can learn a lot from. I myself was back stabbed by my best friend of 15 years - and the group a girls I had been friends with since junior high/high school to this day we don't talk. That hurt me a lot and I can understand your feelings of insecurities of people doing the same thing to you. I'm just gonna say what my therapist told me when I was going through a hard time and experienced a lot of the same issues you are experiencing - "move on - grow from it and know that because of what happened you are a stronger person." You can't let the past effect your future, you can learn from your past and respect it. But not all people out there are back stabbers and 'bad' people. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I have found myself a new group of friends who I consider now my best friends - it took awhile almost a year or so to trust but it eventually comes back. You need to understand the only person you can 100% trust is yourself. So don't let the fear of getting out there stop you from getting into the game. You said you're in college try making some friends there, just small conversations - don't force it. Talk about something that is going on in the class - an opinion from a lecture etc. Eventually if you keep making small talk everyday you will probably learn a lot about each other and eventually perhaps become friends. Or even do this at work (if you have a job) social events will happen and when they do go all in - go to the party, movie etc. Have a good time without fear or doubt. You said you had some close friends at college make them closer friends.

The thing is you're so deeply routed into your SO that your putting all your eggs into one basket. In ANY relationship you cannot do that. You need absolutely need to have a life outside that relationship. By depending on him too much your not doing any good for the relationship especially because it's a LDR. Which is why I think his friends might think you're a little strange or weird. Because I find when people are desperate to have friends or be included its very obvious that they are desperate and it gives off a weird vibe. I don't know if you're doing this or not just speaking from experience.

In the end I am sorry if this comes off as rude but you need to focus on you - and not make your entire life this guy! If you are to have a future together with him that involves YOU! You need to live your own life and include him in it - not the other way around. You're 19 years old and have so much to go through and live before anything happens. Know that you are powerful and you don't need a guy or anyone else to make you feel that way. Someone will always love you and be there for you in the long run. Have enough confidence to see your own beauty.

If you ever need to talk just message me, I hope this helped.