self worth

[anlgp]

I have a major issue with self worth. I've talked with my therapist about this, according to her I have an overactive superego that doesn't allow my ego to be happy with what I'm doing. I constantly beat myself up for things I don't accomplish and don't have instead of giving myself the support I need for the things that I have accomplished.

I have a severe keeping up with the Jones's issue. I'm 26, two of my friends around my age have or are working on masters degrees. I feel incredibly behind in that I'm only working on my associates, but they also didn't take breaks out of high school and work a job and move out into their own apartment like I did. I've since had to move back home and have continued my education. I'm currently studying Criminal Justice and when my "I know what I want to be when I grow up" kicks in, I think I'd like to pursue a career as a prosecutor. When I doubt myself, I have no clue why I'm even in school, much less the CJ field.

My SO has graduated w/a degree in Culinary Arts and has a job, and through my own anxieties/depression/whatever you want to call it.. I make myself unequal to her (and my friends as well) in my head because I don't have things figured out like that and haven't had a job in 4 years.. and it's not for lack of trying.. but I crush myself emotionally all the time. To the point where even typing that last sentence out makes me want to cry. And I'm in a cafeteria at school. Not good.

Anyway, I don't really know what I'm looking for. Reassurance that I'm at least doing something with myself? She's very supportive of me going to school and understands the economy and what not and has helped with this the best she can and is always there when I need to talk to her about this. I just want to be able to visit her so bad (we've been dating as long as the ticker and have yet to meet) and I want to get a job or know where I'm headed and some days it just feels like I will never get it... plus the whole I have to pay rent thing...

My friends are all supportive as well and are definitely behind the education thing..

I kind of feel productive today because I've read a bit and got an outline done and am getting ready to work on some more things here in a bit (have been at it on and off since I got up at 7am this morning)..

IDK.. Thanks in advance.

edit:

I know that nothing she says or you guys say is going to help and this ultimately has to come from me..

edit edit:

wrong section : /

[Sierra]

I've struggled with self-worth my whole life. I never feel worthy of much. Finally now, since I've overcome much of my depression am I able to see that I'm just as good, just as worthy as everyone else. For me, I feel badly whenever someone brings up someone else. For example, I work in the legal field and when my mother tells me "Oh Jane's son just graduated law school and was offered a job making $185k a year" I feel like absolute garbage, like what I'm doing isn't good enough.

I feel like everyone faults me for dropping out of college all those years ago and nobody wants to give me the time of day because of my weight.

But you know what? I realized I'M WRONG.

It took a long time but my life is on track now, I'm going back to school to get a degree I know I love (legal) and then going on to law school. I don't have to compete with anyone and I'm not being compared to anyone else. The people in my life want whats best for me, and I'm sure it's the same in your life too.

You are right though, there's nothing we can say that will make you feel better, believe me, the change has to come from within and I wish I could pinpoint exactly what changed for me, but I can't really. It has a lot to do with the relationship I'm in and him REALLY believing in me. He's proud of me now, thinks I'm beautiful now, but I want to do the best I can to provide us a wonderful future, so now, for the first time in my life, I'm ready.

I know this doesn't help. Just keep your head up the best you can and try not to get down. Keep on trucking.