this doesn't seem 100% right to me...

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I definitely would mention it to her if it concerns you or makes you feel upset. You have every right to feel how you feel, and I know it'd upset me if my SO was that close with any of the girls at his school or if he let them do that kind of stuff to him. Talk to her, you can set boundaries.

[danras2011]

I'm not sure if that's a 'UK thing' but I definitely believe it is a "her" thing. Just curious as to how old you both are as well?

we just had a talk, and apparently it is a "her" thing because she doesn't see anything wrong with it. her argument is that if she can do that kind of stuff with her girl friends, it's fine to do it with her guy friends. i didn't know how to respond to that; i know she doesn't have a firm point but there wasn't a way i could explain it to her. saying it was intimate stuff she was doing just got her to say that she wouldn't have the same feelings doing that stuff with me as she did with her guy friends.

then i asked her how she would have felt if i did that stuff with a girl i know, and she said she wouldn't mind as long as there wasn't anything sexual about it. but still, there are some things you do with your boyfriend that should be kept that way because they provide intimate, emotional feelings, am i right?

we're both 18 thanks for asking

[SquishyLove]

Well, here's the thing, even if she sees nothing wrong with it in her own moral compass, she should refrain from the behavior because it makes you uncomfortable. If she respected you, she would stop simply because it bothers you. You have a right to ask her to stop, and she has a responsibility to you as her SO to stop for you. Otherwise it's not going to work because a couple needs respect and for boundaries like this to be respected. Is she putting her hand under her girlfriends' shirts and feeling their boobs while cuddling? I would guess most likely not, and playing with a guy's chest hairs under his shirt is the equivalent to that. It would be one thing if you guys were both on the same page about it, but it seems you are not. You need to be on the same page for the relationship to work out. Good luck!

[danras2011]

Is she putting her hand under her girlfriends' shirts and feeling their boobs while cuddling?

nah lol that was just an example she used. her and her girl friends slap each other's boobs or something, not entirely sure about that :P but she just used that to say how i'm not upset about that, but i'm upset about her doing the equivalent of that to her guy friends. she doesn't see the implied difference, and i'm not sure how i can show her.

[sardonis]

You're trying to compair her morale magnet to your compass when you ask her how it would make her feel in reverse or trying to reason it with her. Magnet next to compass equals she only ever see's her morale imperative in operation and not your moral North. You have two options; get over her actions and accepted them as they stand or insist she follow your needs. It's a hard decision, because sometimes the other person may not wish to modify their actions and see you as completely unreasonable instead. That lack of compromise on your is significantly telling though for your future as a couple. It won't be the only lack of compromise you'll encounter most likely. That's just my opinion.

She's not seeing your side at all and it seems willfully so.

[chef.rae]

I really would talk with her about it and let her know exactly how it makes you feel and why. A line has been crossed, I don't even do anything more than hug any of my guy friends. Intimacy like that is supposed to be with your SO. I also qualify it as cheating.

[Bethypoo]

I would feel uncomfortable about this if it were my SO. Let her calm down.

But if she is a teenager then it may be a little more difficult for her to not be so selfish/stubborn and see your side. And she may just be wanting your attention and you to see you get protective just to validate you feelings for her.

Either way, it is not okay. And to be in an adult respectful relationship, you have to respect what your SO sees as boundaries. Its not like you tell her to not see them, but not having a tickle fight is not to much of a request. But she needs to be open to your feelings to.

[Kristin91]

One hard part about being in a LDR, especially one where you're not even in the country is setting boundaries. If you're not comfortable with her doing something you have to let her know. And she should let you know. I know for me, it's perfectly acceptable to get into tickle fights with my close guy friends, and my SO has no problem with it. You just need to have a serious discussion about what you're comfortable with.

[Engel]

we just had a talk, and apparently it is a "her" thing because she doesn't see anything wrong with it. her argument is that if she can do that kind of stuff with her girl friends, it's fine to do it with her guy friends. i didn't know how to respond to that; i know she doesn't have a firm point but there wasn't a way i could explain it to her. saying it was intimate stuff she was doing just got her to say that she wouldn't have the same feelings doing that stuff with me as she did with her guy friends.

then i asked her how she would have felt if i did that stuff with a girl i know, and she said she wouldn't mind as long as there wasn't anything sexual about it. but still, there are some things you do with your boyfriend that should be kept that way because they provide intimate, emotional feelings, am i right?

we're both 18 thanks for asking

sure she says its ok, she is doing it. would be really insane to say you can't do what she is doing.

her concepts of what is ok to do with guy friends, while being in a relationship with someone else are really different from mine, though.

[DemonxOisin]

I'm not from the UK, but I just want to say that yes, my best friend from childhood, who is a guy, and I act like that all the time. But the thing is that my SO knows everything about that, and is perfectly fine with it. It's something you both need to discuss, and be comfortable with. Different strokes for different folks and all that. If you are uncomfortable with it, you need to talk to her and reach an agreement that you are both happy with.